Your Morning Upper: They're The Best of Friends

This post was written by TNG co-founder Zack.

I have to admit here that I haven't actually seen Watchmen yet. I read it about six months ago, but that was only because I knew a movie was coming out and wanted to see what all the hoopla was about before the enterprise became inescapable. From what I understand, America's love affair with the hyper-violent adaptation of a superb graphic novel lasted all of fifteen minutes. (Though Dr. Manhattan's wang got some people talking.) This parody video imagines Watchmen as a Saturday morning cartoon from the 80s. Though yeah, its funny and everything, I could really imagine myself watching this show for hours on end. I'm a sucker for animation.

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Your Morning Upper: Stop Texting & Have Some Fun

This post was submitted by TNG's Ed.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

If there was a way to stick a huge chunk of coal up the collective ass of all the people working in DC, I think we could make a diamond the size of a mountain in a few hours. Lighten up folks! Life is too short, and there is too much beauty in the world to muddle through life with your head buried in your iPhone or your Blackberry. The guy in this video can teach us a hell of a lot about the important things in life. When was the last time you were just down right silly (a loss of inhibitions due to consuming mass quantities of booze or drugs does not count)?

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Your Morning Upper: Come Ride With Me

This post was submitted by TNG's Chris.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

This isn't new, but I still crack up. Every. Time. I think most agree that Kristen Wiig has given comedic CPR to Saturday Night Live. She's the Target Lady. Penelope. And...Virgania Horsen. You either love this type of skit, watch it over and over and find yourself quoting it when you're drunk or you just don't think it's funny at all. If watching for the first time, you need to remember all of those wonderful "local" commercials from your hometown that are truly awful in a beautifully cheesy way. Think of the mattress store or the used car guy. For those of us in DC, think Eastern Motors (where your car's your credit, credit, credit...) Virgania Horsen, I do want to ride with you.

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Your Morning Upper: Can You Sing Me a Song?

This morning upper was submitted by TNG Editorial Assistant, LB.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

There are two things in life that make me happiest - spring time and fantastic new music. This weekend proved warm weather is around the corner. Soon we'll be trading our Converse for flip-flops. If that wasn't enough to put a bounce in my step, the band Dance Yourself to Death definitely got me moving. I just discovered them and have been listening to them compulsively. You'll love DYD, I guarantee.

What makes them so great you ask? Skinny jeans and sneakers? Check! Electro-pop beat? Check! Super-cute queer girls? Check check! The track "We Are All Made of Stone" is from the Toronto-based band's debut album Ready for Love. Together since 2005, they also were featured in the Elton John produced movie It's a Boy Girl Thing. The groups is comprised of Jen on vox and bass, Carmen on guitar, Susan on drums and Johnny on keyboards.

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Your Morning Upper: That Boy Needs Therapy!

This post was written by TNG co-founder Zack.

Ahh, spring. The time of year when a young boys fancy turns to that of... Sorry, what was I saying? A warm breeze just blew through my window and I lost my train of thought. This weekend's preview of warm weather left me pulled in so many directions that I feel like Stretch Armstrong: tugged between work, fun, and the fact that I was getting sick, I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than ten minutes at a time. I was getting sick, so I slept until 2 on Saturday, watched 5 episodes of Friends (and reawakened a very embarrassing crush on Ross) and ate my weight in chinese food. But it was so nice out that I also went over to a friends house and drank whiskey until 3:30 a.m.... ostensibly to help my throat. Today I was supposed to do laundry but instead had an hour long New Pornographers dance party in my living room while my boyfriend was at the grocery store.

The above video, for The Avalanches' "Frontier Psychiatrist," is a pretty good representation of what my thoughts sound like this season. A big jumble that might not make too much sense, but is really joyous and fun to listen to. Happy mudluscious-ness, everyone!

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Your Morning Upper: The Hawaii Chair

TNG Editorial Assistant Jenna submitted this piece.

Mornings suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

before there was the Snuggie...

and before there was the Slap Chop...

there was the Hawaii Chair.

And when there was the Hawaii Chair, Ellen Degeneres, of course, felt the need to obtain one and try it out on national television.

When I first saw this video of Ellen trying out the Hawaii Chair, I think I watched it six or eight times in a row. It's that funny. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess, since I burst into giggles at pretty much anything Ellen does, and in this video she tries to function while seated on a vibrating, gyrating chair meant to TIGHTEN YOUR ABS! and LET YOU EXCERCISE WHILE YOU WORK!

Anyway, it's the video I turn to when I hit that afternoon lull at work and need a little pick-me-up, so I figured it would be perfect for today's Morning Upper. The only thing that would make it better? If Ellen was wearing a Snuggie or operating a Slap Chop at the same time. And if she cleaned up the spilled water with a Sham Wow. Infomercials are comedy gold, my friends.

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Your (NSFW) Morning Upper: All the English You'll Ever Need

TNG Managing Editor Corey submitted this piece. Thanks to TNG reader BlueSeqPerl for the video suggestion.

Mornings suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

Not everyone is a "language person." I have dabbled in a few languages and was never able to keep interest in them long enough to learn much. Either that or they were just too damn hard. My Spanish grades from my first year at Georgetown, for example, will continue to haunt my GPA no matter where I go or what I do in life.

That having been said, if I saw an ad like this on TV, I would dress up like '80s Eurotrash and go back to language school. It would be great to be able to say, whenever your instructor complained about your work, "Remember when y'all ran that anal fucking ad? Yeah, how'd that go?"

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Your Morning Upper: Ms. Mason

TNG Editorial Assistant Whitney submitted this post.

Mornings suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

Ryan Allen just made my day. The Washington Post reports that last month, Allen became George Mason University's Homecoming Queen while competing as Reann Ballslee, his drag persona. In the above YouTube video, Allen is crowned and sashed in front of a sold-out Patriot Center. The video ends with Ms. and Mr. Mason linking arms while the crowd cheers.

The university's response?

Officially, the university is "very comfortable with it. We're fine," spokesman Daniel Walsch said. The school does not require participants in the Mr. and Ms. Mason pageant to compete along precise gender lines, he said.

At a time when we are experiencing increased hate and violence and ongoing civil rights struggles, this piece of positive news is especially heartening. It gives me hope that we might sooner see the day where examples of gender nonconformity don't merit reporting.

In the meantime, as a native Northern Virginian, I'm proud to see GMU make this decidedly progressive statement. Take it from Ms. Mason: "In the larger scheme of things, winning says so much about the university. We're one of the most diverse campuses in the country, and . . . we celebrate that."

All hail the Queen.

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Your Morning Upper: Oh my God... are you... straight?

This morning upper was submitted by TNG Editorial Assistant, LB.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

Powerful queer media is often unseen. This video deserves to be shared with the larger queer community. It was created by Johnny Durham in response to Michael Buckley's "Are You Gay?" clip. Although Durham produced this as a way of "poking fun at some of the silly questions straight people sometimes ask gay people," his movie has a much more monumental impact. This video flips the gay-straight paradigm, bringing light to injustices and giving a call to action for queers and allies to unite to defend equality.

It comes at a pivotal point in our movement. This past Saturday there was a protest for the George Washington University freshman who was kicked out of the school's Navy ROTC for kissing another man at a party. A domestic partnership bill is currently stalled in the New Mexico state Senate and a civil union bill is stalled in the Hawaii state Senate Committee on Judiciary and Government Operations. In Gainsville, Fla., citizens will vote on an amendment that could overturn protections on sexual orientation and gender identity discrimination. And this Thursday, March 5, the California state Supreme Court will hear arguments on the validity of Proposition 8. We have gained unfathomable ground, yet still have far to go.

Ok, maybe not the biggest upper, but it definitely motivates us to go out and fight for our rights. Hopefully, I'll see you tonight to phonebank against Amendment No. 1 in Florida!

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Your Morning Upper: You're Sitting in a Chair in the Sky!

This post was submitted by TNG co-founder Zack.

Mornings suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

Yesterday I had a friend put the current economic situation in perspective for me, saying that it's not ideal but we will probably ride it out within a year. It made me feel better. Then, ten minutes later, I walked by a copy of the Rock Creek Press announcing that we were headed for the next Great Depression. Community newspapers are often so scary on their own that the doomsday headline almost ruined my night. Luckily, this clip of comedian Louis. C.K. on Conan made me feel a little better. I hope we don't all end up as country peddlers but it is good to remember that there are a lot of things we take for granted.

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Your Morning Upper: Wolverine at the Tonys

TNG theatre guy Chris shares this video de jour.

Mornings suck. So every morning, TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

Here’s the hook: Hugh Jackman riding a camel, lounging on a piano and humping the air in tight gold pants. Have you clicked the play button yet? Last weekend’s Oscars were a reminder that Wolverine is a great song and dance man. Like many of the best screen actors around, Jackman has his roots in theatre. In 2004, he won the Tony for his role as Peter Allen in The Boy From Oz, the bio-musical about the gay Australian singer/songwriter who worked with Judy Garland and eventually married her daughter, Liza Minnelli. In this clip, Jackman sings and swivels in the finale from Act I, “Not the Boy Next Door." Whether you like the song or not, hang in there until he pulls Sarah Jessica Parker up on stage. SJP, we thought your hubby told you never to sit in the front row at the Tonys…

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Your Morning Upper: I'd Really Like to ... Kiss ... You

TNG Editorial Assistant, Gem, submits this video for your cute girl viewing pleasure.

Mornings suck. So every morning, TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

I was introduced to this video from one of my best friends a few weeks ago. This friend is a straight girl who is basically an honorary lesbian. Anyone who knew both of us three years ago before I had come out would have guessed she was queer before they would have guessed that I am. Maybe its her love for Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Maybe its her random outbursts of how she "would go gay for..."? Or maybe it's the moments when she makes statements like, "Gem, I'm watching Scrubs right now and I think this woman is really hot. I'm strangely drawn to her." The conversation topic quickly moved to whether the actress she was referring to is gay. (Note the "Hi! My name is Kate and I'm trying to look like a brunette Ellen Degeneres in my head shot!" photo.) All I can say is that she definitely flashed on my gaydar, and I'd let her flash a little more if she wanted to. This video is a rendition of the song she sang in a guest appearance of Scrubs by her and a friend under the band name Garfunkel and Oates. They're It's so cute and witty I've probably watched it about eight times in the past week.

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Your Morning Upper: Smoke-Monster-Says-"What?"

TNG Events Editor, Contributor, and TV junkie Jolly shares this delightful video.

Mornings suck. So every morning, TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

I think it's time I out myself: I'm a Lost fan. Like, a lot. As in: I own all of the Seasons on DVD, stuck it out through the debacle that was the first half of Season 3, hosted wine and cheese (okay, mostly wine) viewing parties every week in my dorm room in college, read Doc Jensen's seven-page-long previews and recaps on EW.com every week, and get, in the words of a friend, a serious "nerd boner" every Wednesday night. I know for a lot of people Lost is too confusing or hard to get into, but I love a good mindf*ck. I also appreciate that most of the time the characters seem as genuinely confused as the viewers about the secrets of The Island (except for Ben, of course - seriously, Michael Emerson deserves every Emmy ever). So when an even more devoted fan than I made a video last year of every instance of a character saying "What?" in Seasons 1-3 it became an instant favorite. Bask in the confusion and hopefully it will hold us Lost-ies over until tonight.

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Your Morning Upper: So She Thinks She Can Dance

This morning upper was submitted by TNG Editorial Assistant, LB.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

Okay, it's confession time. My guilty pleasure is dancing in my room. Alone. With the stereo cranked up. Blasting terrible pop music, like Miley Cyrus, that I will never publicly admit to. Now, I'm not the best dancer. I'm actually quite a klutz for a lifetime of ballet lessons. That's probably why today's upper is my all-time favorite clip. As hilarious as it is, the lady is a great dancer. So sit back, congratulate yourself for making it through Monday, and have a laugh. If this doesn't make you smile, just a little, I don't know what will.

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Your Morning Upper: Air Rage

This post was written by TNG co-founder Zack.

Wow, this video goes on a for a long time. Though you've probably gotten the gist in the first few seconds — woman misses flight, woman has psychotic break and rolls around on the floor — the lessons learned from this clip can last a lifetime. First and foremost, I can barely form whole sentences this morning, as I was up too late last night and haven't had my coffee yet. I wish I had such reserves of energy to tap into. Secondly, who hasn't wanted to react like this when missing a flight? Flying is a taxing enough experience that it's a miracle everyone doesn't react like this when things go wrong at the airport. So kudos to you, crazy airport lady, for putting a physical vocabulary to a really familiar emotion. And also for for having a freakout to rival Jesse Spano's.

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Your Morning Upper: Confront Racism

TNG Founder Ben submitted this post.

Mornings suck. So every morning, TNG brings you a fun video to help ease the pain.

In a blunt assessment of race relations in the United States, Attorney General Eric Holder has called the American people "essentially a nation of cowards" in failing to openly discuss the issue of race. He went on to say that "It's a question of being honest with ourselves and about racial issues that divide us... It's not easy to talk about it. We have to have the guts to be honest with each other, accept criticism, accept new proposals."

One of my favorite films is the movie "Blaze," starring Paul Newman as eccentric Louisiana Governor Earl Long (a personal hero of mine who openly dated famous New Orleans stripper Blaze Starr). Holder's comments reminded me of the historical scene above, where Earl yells "The war was over 100 years ago," as he is escorted out of the chamber after taking on the racist Louisiana legislature. After many cat and mouse games with the legislature over the issue of race, the outnumbered governor finally calls the government out on its averse racism in spite of the damage he knows it will do to his political career. The war may indeed be over, but if we're going to live together and solve our common problems, we need to find the courage (like Earl) for more direct conversation about race issues, regardless of the consequences.

Black history month is as good a time as any to remind ourselves to take a hard look at our attitudes regardless of our race, and to seek out direct interracial experiences that are positive and personal so that we might replace feelings of fear and anxiety with those of empathy, connection, and respect for members of other groups. Particularly considering this Mardi Gras season, it's what Earl would have wanted.

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Your Morning Upper: We Are In Hawai'i!!!!

Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood music editor, Rocky...

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

Ok, here's an embarrassing truth. When I was a small child and my mother would have guests over for dinner, I would take it upon myself to be the entertainment. I would arrange my stuffed animals into a large chorus in the living room, turn off the lights, and have them "sing" popular television theme songs of the day, showcasing the soloists with a flashlight naturally. Needless to say, my mother's dinner parties were few and far between. I bring this up because watching the girl in this video reminds me of myself at that age, only she's actually funny and really awesome. And, of course, she makes about as much sense. So if you're hating life and having some trouble getting started today, hit play. Precious little kitties, an adorable little girl and a level of absurdity that would make Eugene Ionesco go all "WTF?" What more could you ask for?

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Your (NSFW) Morning Upper: Suckin' On My Piggies Like You Wanted Me

This post was written by TNG founder Zack.

Mornings suck. So everyday, TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

This trick never gets old. After the magic of editing allowed the Count to reveal his nymphomania to the YouTube world, Miss Piggy gets the same treatment on this highly disturbing edit of Peaches' "Fuck The Pain Away." In the same way that Bugs Bunny in a dress can trigger some highly disturbing emotions in a pubescent teenager, Ms. Piggy's writhing around on that piano towards this video's end is retroactively replacing my childhood memories with a barnyard skin flick. Do you think she'd have to wear some kinky bra with 8 cups?

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Your Morning Upper: The Blanket That Will Ruin Your Sex Life

This little ball of sunshine was submitted by TNG Events Editor Jolly.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

Somehow, this ridiculous invention "The Snuggie" has swept the nation. I was all prepared to write a fair and balanced post about how it's one of those, "I wish I had thought of that!" ideas, but really I think we all need to admit that it's just a blanket with sleeves, otherwise known as a robe. Also, it makes you look awful. So enjoy this parody of the now-(in)famous commercial and try not to ask yourself if one can parody something that's basically already a parody of itself. One warning though: there are one or two non-bleeped out swear words, so if you're watching at work, you should probably use headphones.

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Morning Upper: Seeing Double

TNG Managing Editor Corey submitted this piece.

Mornings Suck. So every morning TNG brings you a fun video to ease the pain.

Well, it's goddamn President's Day. For some people, that means having a day off to relax. For others among us, it means having to run the office ourselves and come in an hour early, still quite hung over from the night before. The video above is a celebration of the excess, myth, and madness that is the four-balled American presidency. And below the fold, a bonus video to help all the readers out there who have to work today... TNG salutes you, and promises it'll be Tuesday soon enough.

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