TNG Flashback: A Message to Our Kids
The work day is almost over. We hope you use your last ounce of concentration to revisit this year-old TNG article. Originally published by Stephanie on 3/14/2008
Some laughed, some put their fingers in their ears and some listened with respectful curiosity. As I sat and watched my students listen to the volunteers who do a weekly health class at my middle school discuss homosexuality, I sat in the back somewhat anxiously and somewhat annoyed, both at my students and at the presenters. I myself have tried numerous times to talk to my kids about accepting and understanding homosexuality, and I felt empathy for the volunteers as they tried to talk through the giggling and as they stumbled for answers to difficult questions like, “Well, isn’t it a sin?” On the other hand, I couldn’t help but become more and more annoyed as the lesson went along without one simple point ever being made: It is normal to be gay.
After spending seven months as a middle school teacher in a school where many students come from zealously religious backgrounds, I have learned one huge social lesson: Getting people not to use gay as an insult (at least in your classroom) is useless if you can’t get people to understand that being gay is normal.
The lesson I listened to (which was to a class of all boys) went something like this: the students were asked to imagine what it would be like to be a young gay boy living in a straight world; they were given the definitions of gay terms; they were shown pictures of random celebrities and asked to decide from their appearance whether or not they were gay; and finally, they listened to the end of the story, in which the young gay boy ends up hating himself, and then asked to answer the question, “How could the boy have prevented this ending?”
Here were the highlights: one boy asking, “Aren’t all girls gay since they like boys?”; the unanimous agreement that Xena Princess Warrior is either a lesbian or a transsexual (“C’mon, look at that bone structure!”); an explanation that “when you call a person ‘faggot’ you are basically saying, ‘Because you’re gay, I want to burn you.’”
Here were some of my thoughts: God, I hate the word lesbian; it sounds so much like alien. I agree, look at that bone structure; furthermore, look at that sword. Are they really showing pictures of men in heavy eye shadow and matching tutus to make a point that you can’t use stereotypes to decide if a person is gay? Geez louise – is that really what you’re saying?
My last thought, however, was about the grand finale question - asking what the little boy could have done differently so that he didn’t end up hating himself. Nothing. No, he couldn’t tell anybody, because the story already explained that he knew his friends and parents don’t like gay people. No, he couldn’t just accept himself, because society as he knew it didn’t accept him. No, he couldn’t just realize that he was normal, because probably no one had ever told him that he is normal.
Let’s stop beating around the bush with our kids: gay people are normal. Once that point has been made, then maybe one day we can take it one step further and tell so many young adolescents what they really need to hear: you might be gay, too, that’s okay and here is some good stuff to know if you are.
4 comments:
How very interesting that I was struggling with,"you might be gay, too, that’s okay and here is some good stuff to know if you are." When this post was initially published. When I finally came to terms with myself and my sexuality I felt like a fool for not coming out sooner. I kept thinking, "If only I'd felt safe enough."
I think the generation of kids being raised by our generation of parents is going to be much more accepting and understanding of gays even if they are super religious. This doesn't mean that ignorance and hate are going to go away completely, but I do think it means that it will be less than when we were in school. And that's gotta be a step in the right direction.
I know that if my middle school teacher had told my classmates to stop using "gay" as a put down even if it didn't make them stop; it would have made me feel like, however indirectly, someone was on my side.
That day probably got a lot of kids thinking which is usually a good thing. It may also have planted some seeds of enlightenment that will help someone later on.
Great piece, thanks for re-posting it. I think you hit the nail on the head: the simplest thing we can do is just show kids that gay = normal. When I went through middle school sex ed 10 years ago, there was no discussion of homosexuality at all, and certainly your school's inclusion of the subject is a reflection of improving times.
However, I agree that explanations of what it is to be gay need to be very carefully fine-tuned when we're dealing with kids. This is the age when non-hetero students are on the cusp of that sexuality discovery, and while Xena and men with heavy eyeliner are all fine and good, many kids don't fit those molds, and they need to understand that there exist other models. Speaking from personal experience, I spent my first several closeted teen years completely perplexed by my whole situation: I play sports, I don't "act gay" (a problematic term, I know, but that's how I felt at the time), I bla bla bla, so how can I be that thing that people say is gay? I even spent my first several years post-closet feeling quite similar. I did not know (or understand, maybe) that there was such a thing as a gay guy who wasn't like Jack on Will and Grace. I concluded for some time that I was a complete anomaly.
Now, I love Jack on Will and Grace, but the process of figuring out my own identity was really complicated by a lack of any discourse or media representation that I could connect with. For that, I think clearly stressing the simple "gay/bi/lesb/trans is normal" is the next important step. Blogs like this -- that open the gates to "alternative" ways to be gay -- are a good start for young adults, as well.
I even spent my first several years post-closet feeling quite similar. I did not know (or understand, maybe) that there was such a thing as a gay guy who wasn't like Jack on Will and Grace.
It was the exact same for me and it still is. The more gays that show up/come put that aren't the usual stereotype the better for us so-called "outliers". LOL...
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