I Call Her My...
Girlfriend? Partner? Lover (Cindy)? Deciding what to call a significant other is as unique as the relationship itself. Which is fine, of course, but it seems that lately the media is unsure what to call lesbians in relationships. And in this inability to just call two women dating "girlfriends," we've seen many uses of the word "gal pal." And this makes me want to vomit. "Gal pal" makes me think of going shopping, out to brunch and drinking cosmos with your best girl [space] friends. It does not make me think of someone I'm making dinner with, going to the movies, or fucking.
Exhibit A:
Jen Biesty and Zoi Antonitsas, the two chef-testants from Top Chef Season 4, are "gal pals," according to the Boston Herald. The article later calls Zoi Jen's "lesbian partner of four and a half years." The use of "lesbian" is unnecessary here, and makes me feel like the writer of this article is hammering home the fact that for many straight people gay equals sex and they don't think about the loving relationship that the sex comes out of.
Exhibit B:
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are also "gal pals." This case is a bit trickier, since neither has publicly admitted that they're in a relationship, but I'm sure we could come up with a better term to call them.
To me, having straight media call two women who are dating "gal pals" belittles lesbian relationships. I can't think of a male equivalent to this term, (and if you can, leave it in the comments). But terminology has always been tricky for us. For straight people, the person they are dating is a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," and then they may eventually become their "husband" or "wife." For gays, this is less clear cut. Many of us will never marry, so at what point does someone stop being your boyfriend and start being your partner? I also know people who exclusively use terms like "lady friend" or "significant other" and never use "girlfriend."
I also have several lesbian friends who have dated F to Ms. Technically they can use the term "boyfriend" to describe their significant others, but if they're women with boyfriends, are they now straight?
In the past I've only used the term "girlfriend," and I've only been called "girlfriend" back. Readers, what do you call your signif?
15 comments:
Well, to be fair, the reunion special insinuated (but did not state because they wouldn't talk about it) that Jen and Zoi had broken up, or at least put their relationship on hold. So I can understand the writer being a little reluctant to start right off with girlfriend/partner as the headline.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=_3hS_KujbmM
go to 2:12 - what great parting words.
i like "lady friend" or "emotionally attached shopping buddy," but i guess when i'm being more serious, i say "girlfriend."
I'm partial to "sweetie" or "sweetheart" because (a) it's gender neutral and (b) I'm kind of cheesy like that.
Also, I'm sure that a lot of M to Fs would be pretty pissed off if anyone referred to them as "boyfriend."
Definitely meant F to M. Changing that.
And I love sweetheart too.
Some of my friends just say "how's your girl?" when referring to my girlfriend, or "how's the girl."
I think I'm pretty impartial, as long as the term "partner" is not used (shudder).
so, as gays, can we all just agree that partner should only be used as the gay, grown-up way of saying "going (very) steady"?
I've certainly never gotten to the "going (very) steady" phase, but I've always despised "partner". It's too ambiguous/sounds like a business relationship.
what about "trim"? Yeah! like: mom, dad...this is my latest trim".
Boy toy!
I LIKE "partner." When i was in Europe, everyone was a "partner" - from fling up through husband/ wife/ life-long live-in.
i usually go with girlfriend... however, a few months ago, there was a sort of dire situation when i wanted to distinguish my girlfriend from some long-time friend-who-is-a-girl or bff-- and i had to (unfortunately) convey this over email, i used "girlfriend/partner"... although we aren't really "partner'ed" per se...
Why did women start referring to their female BFFs as "girlfriends" in the first place? That just confuses everyone.
Michael, I think it has something to do with Oprah.
Very recently I decided that the most expedient way to refer to a girlfriend with whom one co-habitates is as "live-in fuck buddy."
Totally besides the point of not wanting to reduce relationships to sex, but I just had to share.
Partner is so sterile and de-sexed it would seem like you're trying to slide back into the closet by playing the shady semantics game. It makes me recoil and think of slimy realtors selling swamp land as "water views".
Female BFFs as girlfriends: Older than Oprah. WAY older. Maybe the 40's?
My lesbian friends have always used girlfriend, and being out, it seemed clear. Apparently using it often in sentences will get the point across but for one-offs I guess you need more oomph. Heteronormative "wife" seems to come and go.
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