There's a Reason Cupid Wears a Diaper

This post was submitted by Randal Mason, a writer and nonprofit consultant who lives and works in Takoma Park. And, yes, he's single.

Recently, I've felt that dating is like eating my vegetables. I do it because it's supposed to be good for me. And yet, there's another reason. I love to complain.

You see, I feel that I have no right to grouse about the lack of love in my life if I'm not doing something about it. It's not as if the Universe is going to deliver the man of my dreams to my door. Well, that is unless you count the UPS man who services my neighborhood. Because, honey, there's potential there.

So, in the spirit of broadening my social and romantic horizons, I went to the Burgundy Crescent Volunteer's Men's Valentine Party last Sunday.

The place was crowded, although not painfully so. However, there was only one bartender for a room full of gay and bi men. Hello?

After overcoming my desire to bolt from the place in the first five minutes, I got a drink and chatted with a few guys. The icebreaker was, as advertised, pain-free, and everyone was friendly. And while I was attracted to a couple of guys there, I felt no real spark. But, really, what was I expecting?

It's hard to be a frustrated romantic, especially this close to Valentine's Day.

Being in a "culture of desire" we are defined by our attraction to others of the same sex. But how do we as a community celebrate our relationships, fight for marriage equality, and still value the lives of those of us who are single by choice or by circumstance?

We're taught to place such high expectations on love. Love will alleviate our loneliness, fulfill all our erotic longings, and give us a sense of belonging. It will, in essence, save us. And that's not really very fair to love or each other, is it?

Shel Silverstein had it right in "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O." Love at its best is about companionship, not completion.

And that, ultimately, is what I'm seeking - the sweet spot between autonomy and intimacy, between looking for love and still being whole without it.