Friday Staff Survey: The Other Thing You Do in Bed

This survey was compiled by TNG co-founder Zack.

Illustration by Maggie.

Though the phrase "sleeping together" is mostly used as a shorthand for sex, the actual sleeping can be just as important. Anyone kept up all night by a snorer, farter, pee-er or aggressive, non-stop cuddler knows that the hooking up is only half the equation of a night spent with that special (or temporary) someone. Keeping that in mind, this week's staff survey question is as follows:

What is the worst experience you've ever had with a sleeping partner?

Question comes courtesy of Maggie. Check below the fold for the responses and feel free to leave your own in the comments box.

1. Zack, Co-founder and primary contributor:

You know sometimes after getting off you and the other person will lie next to each other and there might some gentle arm or belly rubbing until you both drift off to sleep? That happened once with a guy I didn't know very well, except instead I had no opportunity to drift off to sleep because he kept up the gentle arm and belly rubbing for close to two hours. What seems like a beautiful gesture at 2 am loses its luster when the sun starts rising. That, combined with the fact that he kissed like a mule trying to eat an apple out of my mouth with its lips, meant that I had no fond memories of the experience.

2. Michael, Co-founder and primary contributor:

A boyfriend and I once cracked our heads together with enough impact to break the skin and draw blood. I hit him on the forehead, but he hit me right on the edge of my eye socket. It bled a lot and then swelled up. Being young, quasi-closeted and not willing to explain to my corporate-American colleagues the truth, I told everyone I had hit my head on my nightstand. Hey, it's better than, "I walked into a door."

3. Allison, Staff Contributor:

I talk in my sleep a lot. Once I woke up at about 3 am and shouted "It's coming from the ceiling! It's falling on us! We have to get out! LOOK!" My girlfriend woke up and said, Allison, what the shit, there's nothing there. You're safe." Apparently I replied "Ok, great. Thank you," then went back to sleep.

4. Matt, Staff Contributor:

What? You're supposed to stay?Just kidding. Y'all know I have a boyfriend.

5. Rocky, Music Editor:

Funnily enough, I've been told that I'm kind of the worst sleeping partner known to man. Among my many sins, I'm a blanket hog. I toss and turn all night and, one time, I woke up in the morning in a diagonal line across the bed and was told that I came close to full-on pushing my friend out of the bed a number of times. She went and slept on the couch because she was sick of waking up on the edge of her bed. Good thing she loved me. In my defense, however, I'm a very heavy sleeper (I need like 8 alarms) and a very active dreamer so it's not my fault! But, apparently, I suck at sleeping. I apologize to all my future partners in advance.

But at least I don't snore.

6. Maggie, Staff Cartoonist:

I had recently come out "officially" and was spending New Years in Vermont with my best friend from college. We were sharing a bed and at some point in the night I hit her in the back with a spastic knee jerk. The next morning, in our groggy-hung-over state, I rolled over, looked at her and said, "I kneed you." However she heard, "I need you." Wide-eyed and slowly inching away, she simply stated, "um, Mags, I don't really feel the same way." Needless to say, we laugh about it now.

7. Corey, Managing Editor and Staff Contributor:

I was quasi-dating a girl who had a boyfriend out of state. We sometimes decided that it was less cheating-esque if we didn't sleep in bed together when she'd spend the night, so we'd rotate between who got the bed and who slept on the floor. I'm like a dog; I can sleep anywhere. But it was awkward to have one of us crawl into the comfortable sheets and one of us sleep on the nasty rug I bought at Target.

8. Amelie, Events Planner and Publicist:

While I don't have any good sleeping-buddy stories, I do know of one. My friends "Kathy" and "Marlene" had just started hooking up. Marlene had had a crush on Kathy for awhile, but since at this point, Kathy was still straight, not much had happened. Then, finally, one night after a particularly wastie-face rugby social, Kathy spent the night with Marlene. All was good until Kathy woke up and realized that she had peed all over Marlene's bed. Apparently by some sort of magic the pee didn't get all over Marlene, just Kathy, but it was still pretty hilarious story for all of us not involved.

9. Ed, Staff Contributor:

I was dating a guy for almost a year who had never burped or farted around me. One night we were asleep and he let one rip. It was so bad it woke me up. Take my word for it. When a fart wakes you up from a deep sleep it can be disorienting, and this one seemed to have the physical properties of mustard gas because when I stood up the air wasn't nearly as bad as the funk in the lower half of the room. I thought about lighting a match, but I didn't want my Mom to have to explain that her son died in a fart-fueled explosion. So, I opened a window and sat next to it until the air became less toxic, and YES! it was that bad! The really annoying thing is that I bought the duct tape and plastic wrap to protect myself from a chemical or biological attack, but Dick Cheney apparently hadn't thought about the possibility that the threat would come from inside your own home. Thanks for nothing Dick!

Editorial Staff:

11. Andrew, Editorial Assistant:

I have no recollection of a bad experience created by another person, but I can assure you that I have ruined many a night's sleep for others with my banshee-like snoring.