A Life or a Lifestyle?
TNG is taking a much needed break from Dec 19-Jan 4. TNG will return with new content on Jan 5. Until then, please enjoy this post from the past year. Original publish date: 5/14/08.
Queer life is pretty complicated. Unlike the straight world, our relationships are often defined by new terms such as "partner" or "special friend" instead of the straightforward boyfriend to fiance to husband. These new terms are often used by people who live far outside of the queer universe. What's evident is that far too many straight people lack the sensitivity and knowledge needed to speak about queers without pissing us off.
One of my biggest pet peeves is the term "lifestyle" to refer to the way we homos live. The term is usually used in a sentence, such as "I don't dislike him as a person, I just disapprove of his lifestyle." Whoosh! There I go, through the roof.
That's not to say that there isn't such a thing as a gay lifestyle. There is one. And it's generally what TNG is working to promote alternatives to. In my understanding of the gay lifestyle, gay men: wear lots of cologne; have sex with each other at the drop of a dime; spend more time at the gym and the mall than at work or being otherwise productive; spend more time having sex or looking for it than working out or shopping; use the word "fabulous" whenever they mean "good", "great", "fine", "well", "okay", or "terrific"; are either drinking or recovering from drinking, or both; are always ready with a clever quip delivered with a snap. Those sorts of things are what comprise a lifestyle. However, not every gay man maintains that lifestyle. Actually, very few — if any — actually do.
My lifestyle is defined by my core values. Those values translate into the following rules that I aim to keep every day of my life: Treat others as you would want to be treated; leave everything the way you find it, if not better; respect all life; to the extent that the other rules are observed, anything is okay in moderation. These rules result in a lifestyle that includes, among others, a career I'm passionate about, home-cooking 90% of the food that goes into my body, keeping fit and active through yoga, cycling and working out at the gym, living without a car, trying to help people in any way I can. So what if I'm attracted to men. How could that one fact that taint the otherwise respectable lifestyle I've fashioned for myself?
Most people who would be heard voicing the above quote about disapproving of the gay lifestyle actually have lifestyles that I disapprove of. They're living the American Dream, complete with two-car garage, 2.5 kids, white picket fence, a chicken in every pot... Basically, the pursuit of happiness at the expense of their personal health and the health of our planet and our collective future. How much of that is linked to their sexual orientation? Chances are, there are queers living right next door to them, attending their block parties and raising kids that sit next to their own in the elementary school down the street, maintaining the exact same "lifestyle" they are. Yet having gay sex behind their closed doors.
You don't see me protesting their suburban block parties, where they gather to celebrate their lifestyles, angrily telling them that they need to change the way in which they live. But maybe some day I will. And when I'm there, I'll make sure to inform them that they shouldn't use the term "lifestyle" to refer to queers and the fact that we have sex with people of the same gender.
Now, not all straight folk are completely uneducated when it comes to the ability to discuss queer lives. I have an aunt who is progressive enough to not only stay at a gay bed and breakfast, but upon arrival ask the bearish proprietors whether they mind having a "couple of breeders" staying at their inn. This is a true story, and she felt the need to tell me this story so that I knew that she was capable of relating to me with understanding and compassion. And I appreciated that.
We as a culture should be working to help educate the people around us. We need to talk to our straight neighbors, colleagues, family members. We need to talk openly and candidly about ourselves and use terminology with which they might not be familiar. It's our job as the men and women who live valid gay lives to share our experiences and with those "breeders" who, unlike my aunt, have no idea how to talk to us.
Coda: The image above was created by me, but based on a Coors Light ad I found somewhere on the interweb. Obviously the employees at the marketing firm for Coors Light have bought into the Gay Lifestyle idea, and think that we gays spend all our time lounging by the pool with our hot friends.
1 comment:
Thank you for thoughts. We at MergeMedia Group helped Coors restart a conversation with the LGBT community five years ago. Coors wanted to let our gay brothers and sisters know that the company was completely supportive of all people. We accomplished this an by visually depicting same-sex people in a variety of fun and aspirational situations. (Most of us, after all, don't drink beer in "serious" situations like the office.) That, as you'll probably agree, is not unlike straight or Hispanic or African American advertising creative. Our subjects are simply gay.
All of the models used in the ads are gay. The photographer is gay. The ads scored very high in media readership and favorable brand recall. And Coors
Bigger picture, it's important that we're all unified in our drive to encourage American marketers to devote a proportional amount of their budgets toward the gay & lesbian consumer. We are almost 10% of the population, and studies show we're MORE than 10% of the US purchasing power. You can critique creative executions all day long -- but maybe a better place to focus would be which brands are actually funding gay-specific advertising at all.
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