What Would Summer Do -- Beauty Advice

"What Would Summer Do?" is the new TNG advice column. Contact Summer Camp with your questions at wwsd@thenewgay.net.

Happy Hump Day Readers!

It seems that many of you are seeking my hygienic advice. And since I’m an (un)natural beauty, I’d be delighted to help you experience fresher, longer-lasting, mintier lives!

Dear Summer,

The humidity, heat, and saltwater of a summer in Provincetown has left my hair dry and riddled with split ends. What’s a gurrrl to do?

Brittle from the Beach


Dear Brittle,

Try this simple home remedy. Add a few drops of lavender oil to a tablespoon of warm (not boiling) castor oil. [Note: Castor oil can usually be found in the pharmacy section, sold as a laxative—it’s heavenly]. Apply the mixture to the ends of your hair. Then wrap your hair with plastic wrap and cover with a warm towel. I like to warm my towels in the microwave because you can toss in a bag of popcorn, too. Leave the oil, plastic wrap, and towel on your head for at least 30 minutes. If you opted to make the microwave popcorn, sit back and watch an episode of your favorite TV show. When it’s over, shampoo your hair twice using cool water. Say hello to lustrous locks!

Or you can do what I do, buy a new wig.

Love,

Summer


Dear Summer,

I hit the gym almost every day. I love to do my cardio on a specific elliptical trainer. My problem is that a man with rank body odor always happens to be on the trainer next to mine. It’s disgusting. What should I do?

Sensitive Smeller


Dear Sensitive,

Hmm…that’s a tough one. I have to say that I like a little bit of odor on my mens. I’m not talking chopped onions and pickles all shoved up in the armpits; rather, that sweet smell that all of us emit now and then. But it sounds like you’re describing someone with overactive stink glands.

If you’re like me, you carry a portable spotlight with you wherever you go. [It’s a great way to attract paparazzi]. So, just dab a bit of oil of clove, peppermint, or eucalyptus on the cool light bulb. When you turn on the spotlight, the scent will drift throughout the room. And you’ll look super important, too.

Love,

Summer


Dear Summer,

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but two days ago, I tried to wax my butthole. I used an extra strength all-over body wax that you heat up and apply to your skin. I followed the instructions, but when I started to pull the strip from my backside, I couldn’t do it. It hurt sooo much. Now, I have a piece of hard wax that I can’t get rid of. What do I do???

Stuck in a hairy situation


Dear Stuck,

OMG! Let me start by saying that I’m not a medical professional, so take my advice with a grain of salt. Here is What Summer Would Do—Get really drunk, pass out, wake up, drink some more, put an ad on Craigslist seeking a sadist, invite him/her over, and instruct him/her to rip that hunk of wax off your crack!

Love,

Summer


Have a problem? Need my advice? Send your desperate pleas for help to wwsd@thenewgay.net and don’t forget to become a fan of Summer Camp on facebook.