From the Outside: Discrimination in the Workplace
"I can't believe they put that on the cover," she said, almost yelling. "That's a sin! Those people should be ashamed of themselves."
My co-worker was referring to a paper I was reading that had printed a Gay Pride edition, which featured an image of two men kissing.
On her desk were the various accouterments of a devout Catholic: a catechism, rosary beads and a Pope screen saver. At that moment, I realized that people never run out of ways to disappoint you.
We'd been friendly over the last few months of my new employment, eaten lunch together, laughed over the absurdity of office red tape, shared stories about foreign travel. She’s a very educated woman, multilingual, had a master's degree. I knew she was religious, but that didn't really cue me into how she felt about issues. I know many Catholics who cuss like sailors and are complete freaks.
Also, I don't exactly hide my sexuality at work. Hell, when surfing the Web (on breaks, of course) I am as likely to have The New Gay onscreen as I am a literature blog. So, I was taken aback, even though I should have known better.
When the dust settled, I didn't talk to her the rest of the day. But I don't hold grudges very well; it's something I'm working on. So I decided to let it slide, even though it disturbed me. I spent the rest of the week feeling like an outsider, seeing everyone as a potential homophobe, and sending out resumes. Eventually, I ended up talking to her again, while assiduously avoiding the subject of religion.
About two weeks later, before the work day properly started, I was checking e-mail when I overheard her and a friend of hers from another floor, speaking in hushed, urgent tones.
"These young boys don't have strong role models," said her friend. "They need father figures, that's what I believe, I don't care what anyone says."
"I know, and they have fallen from God."
"That's why they turn to it in jail. The devil is very powerful there…."
And so on. Before I left for a cup of coffee, I caught some more of their chatter. Somehow, the conversation changed into how you could get HIV from toilet seats. This time, I was a little more flustered. I was angry, and frustrated, and at a loss as to what to do. I did not want to make waves – I was the new employee, and besides, the followers of religions outweighed the non-believers.
People talk about church and mosque all the time where I work. That's just the culture in the section where I work. Being the fly in the buttermilk is way outside my comfort zone. For the most part, I don't mind being the Outsider, the one who doesn't talk about his home life, because I am reticent in nature. I also felt guilty about being a snitch—people are more than their bigotry, and my co-worker had shared some personal stories with me. But this time, it was different.
Maybe I was tired of being invisible. I had been pushed into silence at my old job. Long story short – my first week at a new position a few years ago, the IT guy tried to get me fired, claiming that I was sexually harassing him, after having spoken to him for the entirety of 10 minutes, while he was setting up my computer.
I later learned that this IT guy had a history of treating African Americans poorly, and that he suffered from a drug problem as well. (Meth-induced paranoia does not make for good office fraternization, especially if you're a racist). But no-one had formally done anything about it, so he was free to mistreat people of color for a couple of years. But the bitter days following that experience eroded my tolerance of that sort of thing.
So I approached Human Resources, and let them know of my concern. The situation with my current co-worker was handled professionally, and I am glad that my work environment is more comfortable for me. Maybe I made the environment better for someone else who may have overheard my co-worker's discussion, but was too cowed to come forward.
TNG readers, what are your experiences with prejudice in the workplace?
3 comments:
Well, the words "Diversity & Inclusion" are in my job title, which is a pretty effective shield from overhearing blatantly heterosexist comments like the ones you describe.
But prior to this particular career path, I only once dealt with something similar ... this office was a place where the question, "Can I give you some feedback?" was uttered nearly every day, and the culture demanded that you always said yes and listened politely to what the other person had to offer. Once, I was told by a non-hater that, as supportive as she was, it would be better for my career to be a little less "out" since I had inadvertantly offended someone earlier that day.
Luckily, my management was unbelievably supportive. When I asked them about this feedback, they encouraged me to approach my friend and give HER some "feedback" -- politely and respectfully, of course. Which I did. To her credit, she received it really well, and realized that some people live to get offended and we can't always be bothered with them.
This is why it's so important to work for organizations with non-discrimination policies that refer to sexual orientation specifically. In these environments, HR actually has a lever to pull to keep comments like these from happening again and again.
Love the illustration, by the way.
I suggest we stop expecting others to be civil, diplomatic and intelligent.
The issue here is: personal prejudicial beliefs have no place in polite conversation, especially among superficial acquaintances like co-workers. That is why HR is the best resort for tactful intervention.
Responding specifically to the careless remarks of a co-worker could lead to a long, digressive, unnecessary exchange and to a potentially uncomfortable work environment. Instead, why not simply challenge their mistaken assumptions that 1) they should speak freely on any subject and 2) you will agree with their opinions?
Then again...that's why we have HR departments. I'm glad your situation was resolved.
Good for you for doing something about this, first by being open, so people take stock of the fact that people bring their differences to the workplace, and second by not tolerating a work environment that causes you to perform at less than your best.
Unfortunately, there are still people living in a far-a-way time when it was okay to bring beliefs to the workplace that have nothing to do with the work at hand at best, and at worst, keep others from doing the work they are paid to do.
Depending on the company, the response may be (indirectly or directly) to make the person saying something out to be the "troublemaker," but the real troublemaker are the biased attitudes that create a hostile work environment. No one should have to tiptoe around a workplace listening for comments made about their minority status.
Luckily for all of us, the best companies in the world have figured this out (see HRC's Corporate Equality Index, and the world is getting more tolerant, not less.
A company that doesn't pay attention to inclusion is a company uninterested in succeeding (and the data shows this - companies that promote diversity do better financially). That's something concrete worth taking to any board room.
Good luck and thanks for making the workplace safer for yourself and those who come after you!
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