Teacher, There Are Things I Don't Want To Learn
This post was submitted by Coach Varlas, an education writer, grad student and Results devotee who lives in Brightwood.
I write for an education nonprofit that is pretty removed from grassroots education issues and even more so from queer issues. About a year ago, I wrote an online publication for my office that dealt with kids who feel marginalized within their school communities and so I naturally talked about queer kids. When the issue came out, so to speak, it actually created some heat at my office and I ended up having to do some mediation with a hardcore homophobe coworker (who now, as fate would have it, sits directly across from my cubicle).
My experience is actually pretty lo-fi in comparison to the concerns of some of my friends (and in particular my girlfriend) who are public school teachers. I think I know the annoying answer to this, but what the fuck is with working in schools and not being able to be openly queer? One friend at a public charter school is actually totally out and it's totally cool--other friends might as well have a secret up-nod or fist-bump to their queer colleagues.
Stephanie's already posted about the challenge of talking to kids about their or their peers' sexuality, and I wonder if we aren't already fucked to begin with because the adults in the schoolhouse don't model an open community that values difference. This reality or perception of school culture bleeds into my hesitations about getting involved with things like mentoring and coaching school sports. I might wear a sweater-vest and fake mustache on the dance floor, but on school grounds I'm chicken shit about creeping out kids and alienating adult allies by being a big old dyke. At the same time, I remember how powerful it was for me to have queer, albeit unspoken/closeted, role models in school and sports when I was a kid. I never went up to my coach or drama teacher and said, "Thanks, you're making high school a little more bearable," but I sure was glad for them.
Okay, what was was my point? Oh, that maybe being a queer adult in a school is just a matter of sucking it up on some level, knowing that your presence is incrementally changing things and that the queer kids already have you pegged and kiss your yearbook picture nightly? That answer seems naïve —I know my girlfriend could lose her job in Fairfax for being openly queer. So I don't have an answer. But I do have an idea for making a difference in DC public schools, even if it's for one day. I participated in the Greater Washington Servathon last year, at an elementary school in Petworth, and actually managed to meet up with some homos I probably never would’ve met, otherwise. Here are the details:
Servathon 2008: The largest annual day of service in the DC region, Servathon 2008 will engage over 3,000 people in direct service to the DC Public Schools.
When: Saturday May 3rd, 8:30am -12:30pm
What: Volunteers will paint classrooms, paint lockers in rainbow colors, landscape, build planter benches, revitalize playgrounds—anything to make the DC Public Schools a better place to work, learn, and play.
Where: 39 DC Public Schools; you can pick where you work.
Go to the Servathon homepage for more information about the event and to register.
4 comments:
Thanks so much for posting this. It is very apropos for a situation I am dealing with right now. I am an administrator at a Jewish religious school and oversee a program for 7th-12th graders. I never quite thought of myself as closeted, since my ex-partner used to work with me and we were out as a couple to the whole staff, but it was different with the kids.
He (thankfully) no longer works here, but I am still queer...haha.
I was asked to present to our Confirmation class about faith and homosexuality, since I am a trained speaker on the subject and a professional educator. After about a week of internal debate, I ended up declining because I did not feel comfortable with what might happen when parents found out or if the kids told their younger siblings. The presentation would be to 10th graders. I feel kinda chicken shit.
It is hard to navigate this. I won't lose my job as the clergy is openly supportive...it is more a question of comfort. I said no but I am still torn...
So, it runs deeper for some then just whether the job is lost. It is a big thing to take on for oneself. Thanks again for writing this!
I'm pretty sure this is why I keep putting off going into teaching. Which sucks, because my (closeted) gay teachers were really helpful, too. I taught for 2 years at an elementary school, was out to staff but not kids, and I know the little future queers of american there loved me.
In the summer, one of my advisers told me that the reason she wasn’t out to her students was because it would have been too much of a distraction. I didn’t really understand it at the time, but now that is exactly how I see it. I am not out at school for the same reasons that I am not “out” to people in many other situations – I don’t want to be shoved into the gay box. It's not that I'm embarrassed to be gay, but I just don't want people to see me approaching and think: GAY, GAY, GAY. The unfortunate reality is that being gay is still a huge novelty –for lack of a better word – in our society; I still catch myself categorizing, or at least thinking about, friends by their sexuality. Just like in all other realms of my life, I would hate to become the “gay teacher” instead of being the funny teacher, the caring teacher, or even just the social studies teacher.
Still, though, I grapple with the social impacts of not just being “loud and proud” with my students, especially for the ones whose gay futures I can foresee better than they themselves. Instead, I have become accustomed to just laughing off all inquiries into the personality and looks of my boyfriend, because telling middle schoolers that you don’t have a boyfriend is about as easy and successful as telling them that body splash really doesn’t provide the pleasant nasal sensations that they think it does.
Stephanie, thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking but couldn't communicate effectively! Amen...
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