TNG Flashback: The Straight Crushee

The work day is almost over. We hope you use your last ounce of concentration to revisit this year-old TNG article. Originally published by Stephanie on 3/12/2008

Oh shit, is generally my first thought. Then, there’s usually some lag time where I retreat into denial of what I’m doing, and cross my fingers that it’s just a passing phase. Finally, when I come to terms with my feelings (usually after a night of heavy drinking and undeniable flirting) my thoughts usually quickly change from shame to self-righteousness - “Oh, come on,” I reason with myself, “she’s GOT to be gay…who does she think she’s kidding? Maybe her boyfriend and the rest of society, but definitely not me!”

Several topical events - the L Word’s newest unrealistic storyline with Shane and What’s Her Name; the recent tragedy of an eighth grade Californian gay boy who was murdered after he asked a straight classmate to be his Valentine; and my own current crushing experiences – have got me spending a lot of time thinking about the one thing that could bring a Catholic-raised kid more shame than the actual realization of being a gay: the straight crush.

It’s not surprising that these types of crushes – gay on straight – can make the normally socially functional gay feel so ashamed – our society is filled with so many mixed awkward messages about gay acceptance. So many of our straight friends are completely accepting of us being gay. However, they still cringe and/or giggle awkwardly at the idea of our gay crushes, or even worse – our gay sex lives. These friends really do understand why we often prefer to go to gay nights around town, but if you’ve ever tried to drag one of them to a gay night, you have seen just how much many straights still squirm at the idea of mingling solely among homos for a whole Friday or Saturday night (granted, I don’t like mingling among straights for a whole night either, but I already did that shit for a significant portion of my life). In general, so many of our straight comrades don’t see a problem with homosexuality, but they’re still not socially comfortable with it. This is what makes the straight crush so oddly unacceptable. When a gay person crushes on a straight person, it still seems to be viewed as if the gay has overstepped a social boundary.

I’ve often wondered if gay guys have this experience as mush as I expect gay girls do. I have my theories that it might happen more to gay girls because so many lezzies come out when they’re old, haggard, and married with children, so the “straight” crush might not always be that straight after all (stage: shame-to-self-righteousness). Furthermore, in some scenes, cute gay girls are often difficult to distinguish from the shot-haired hipster girl. In fact, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve almost tried to talk to some cute swooped-haired girl in a button-up plaid shirt, only to be halted by the sight of an approaching boy-toy, well, I’d probably still be living in Brooklyn with pockets full of nickels.

Girls, do you agree with me – do you think the straight crush is probably more of a dyke dilemma? Guys, do you object – do you often find yourself with a straight crushee? Anyone, do you disagree that our society still irks at the idea of gays crushing on straights?