Why Prop 8 — And What's Next

Margaret grew up in Atlanta, and now hails from the wilderness of the Virginia suburbs. She is an editorial assistant for TNG.

I am reeling with mixed emotions today, the morning after watching the candidate that I have long admired be elected to the presidency. I am excited and happy, and for the first time in my adult life, to quote the next First Lady, I'm really proud of my country.

Except California.

I didn't expect to feel so angry and disappointed by the passage of Proposition 8 in California--of course, I didn't actually expect it to pass either. I am quite ambivalent about marriage, and yet the perfidy of the California voters breaks my heart a little.

California is the big fish, not only because of its place in US state politics, but because of the meaning that it has for our community -- San Francisco as the epicenter of the gay rights movement, as an epicenter for gay culture. When we lost Virginia, we winced, but really, it's Virginia--were ya really surprised? The loss of California, however, is brutal, and this particular loss of California is more so than any in the past--it is the people, and not the government, who have rejected us, and an amendment to the Constitution as a way of overturning a Supreme Court decision is about as final as you can get (this is not exactly true – 6 couples are now suing for the right to marry).

And it's weird because I don't actually like marriage as a system. The popular view of marriage, where two people create a family unit autonomous from the rest of their extended family, isn't really accurate for most marriages--both historically and across the breadth of ways that marriage is practiced even in the United States today. Even so, this idealized arrangement is codified in our social, legal and economic customs. It doesn’t represent a large percentage of the country (50% of women are unmarried), and it actively marginalizes those that it does not represent. Marriage is a flawed way of organizing society, and I agree with Nancy Polikoff, a law prof at AU, who argues that the system should be dismantled in favor of a more inclusive system.

This all said, I am furious and disappointed at the some 5 million voters in California who voted for Proposition 8. It doesn't just erase the gains for the gay Californians that were won in May. Instead, it's going to be a setback for the entire cause of gay marriage. I fear that the 20 states that don't have DOMA-style amendments on their books might be encouraged to add them. I fear that the 30 states that have DOMA-style will feel no pressure at all to overturn them.

As ambivalent as I am about marriage as a system, gay marriage within that system does matter for two reasons. One, it legitimizes the economic/social arrangements that gay partners already have with each other. Much about this has been written eloquently and elegantly by others, and I won't try to repeat them here.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, the right for gay folk to marry seems like shorthand for all of the rights and privileges for which gay people are striving: acceptance in our communities and in our families of origin (a privilege? really?), hate crimes legislation, AIDS advocacy. Because the fight for gay marriage is perceived as being about the social recognition for the legitimacy of our relationships, I think that people see many of the other struggles falling into place as a result of its passage.

So where does our community go from here? Well, we still have a lot of work to do. Marriage isn't the only issue. There are many quality of life issues that affect GLBT folk every day. And in fact, I think that by promoting action and education, and by de-polemicizing gay issues, not only will we make lives better for the queer folk, but hopefully along the way, we will also continue to change the minds of the denizens of the 32 states that bar same-sex marriage.

And so, taking a cue from President-Elect Obama, here's my list of what I hope that we can do (caveat: it's by no means complete and is limited by my worldview)

I hope we can decrease the number of families who kick their children out for being honest about who they are. I hope we can decrease the number of people who commit violence against queer folk. I hope we can increase the number of people who do not fear for their jobs because of their sexual and gender orientation. I hope that we can increase the number of states that make it possible for transfolk to change their legally-registered gender if they so choose. I hope that we can increase the number of gay parents trying to adopt who receive no more scrutiny than do straight parents. I hope that we can increase the amount of equitable representation of GLBT folk in the media. I hope that we can increase the number of openly-out people in positions of power. And, yes, I hope that we can increase the number of states that allow same-sex marriages.

We have a lot of work to do to become equal, fully- and fairly-seen members of American society. Marriage is just a single, very visible piece of the process. Until then, we have a responsibility to promote the myriad of issues that affect our community, not just the flashiest.

For what do you hope for us?