Yom Kippur: Oops!
The major Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, which means that they fall on different days every year. For the generally unprepared like myself this can lead to some surprises. Like last year, when I waited too long to find a place to observe Rosh Hashanah and ended up at a 6th and I service that was reform to the point of being recreational. Or this year, when I won't be attending services at all.
Yom Kippur happens to fall over the course of two nights, yesterday and today. Those happen to be the same nights that two bands I like, Hot Chip and Of Montreal (respectively) were playing shows at the 9:30 Club. And when I bought tickets for them I didn't realize I would be choosing between two nights of good music and inclusion in 2008/2009's book of life.
Being Jewish is a huge part of my identity... my cultural identity. So I chose the rock over the religion. And now I feel really bad, which is unusual. Unlike our reader Kyle, I am not an overly spiritual person. For me, Judaism means kugel and Yiddish, and the fact that no one in my family lets me finish my sentences. It is not a deep connection with a higher power. It has never made me feel subjugated as a queer person.
So in theory I should have no compunctions about skipping its rituals. I skipped two years ago when I had just moved to DC the day before and wasn't even unpacked, yet alone prepared to fast. But my reasons for skipping this year just seem so trivial. Some rock bands? They're fun, but they don't boast a thousand year history of oppression or hallowed cultural traditions that define my childhood.
But I'm skipping anyway. I mentioned above that I've never found my queer and Jewish identities to be at odds with each other and this is still true. Yet the more I embrace being gay — not the sexual aspects, but the importance of being surrounded by gay/friendly acquaintances and surroundings— the more I feel called to leave the trappings of my "old" life behind me. I recently "broke up" with my straight best friend of six years. For the first time ever I won't be spending Thanksgiving with my family.
Is it a natural by-product of being gay the desire to leave your old life behind in pursuit of a way of living that works for you? Or is it just another fact of life that people of all orientations go through? (If this is the case, I expect a lot of commenters to point out that I might just be too young to be aware that everyone goes through these processes.) What other experiences have other people had in eschewing a perhaps queer-friendly culture in the name of finding themselves?
Addendum: Yom Kippur is the Jewish New Year. It affords a chance to clear your sins and start over. Even though I'm not observing this year, I was most certainly given a chance to start over. As I was writing this post yesterday I was called into my boss' office and informed that my position had been cut due to budget constraints.
I was looking for a break from my old life. I think it'll be a good opportunity, but in the future I should be careful what I ask for.
8 comments:
The beautiful thing about life is that it is a process, and what we believe and practice doesn't have to be the same all one's life long. As for breaking with the past, yeah, I had to do it big time. Not only leaving behind a fundamentalist church I was heavily involved in, but also distancing myself from my family for a few years. Now I am closer to my family, but I'm able to be closer to them because I spent so much time away from them defining my own beliefs and values.
And, by the way, "Gemar Chatimah Tovah".
I do think an integral part of queer experience is actively creating the life you truly want as opposed to just going along with whatever other people proscribe. (Although not everyone does this, it seems that queer experience lends itself rather readily to this type of thing.)
However, it does sound like part of natural maturation process, too. There comes a point when we're less willing to go along for the ride when said ride makes us puke.
Addendum #2:
The major Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, which means that they fall on different days every year.
Not only do the major ones follow the Hebrew calendar, but so do all of the others. The holidays are on the same dates every year. Rosh Hashana is always on the first day of the first month (Tishrei), and Yom Kippur is always on the tenth day of the same month.
And when I bought tickets for them I didn't realize I would be choosing between two nights of good music and inclusion in 2008/2009's book of life.
Addendum: Yom Kippur is the Jewish New Year. It affords a chance to clear your sins and start over.
No, Yom Kippur isn't the Jewish new year. Rosh Hashannah is. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement (that's a direct translation). It caps the ten days of awe between Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, when Jews say they're sorry and their sins are forgiven. And if you miss the Yom Kippur deadline, you really have until the end of Sukkot (which is another holiday just around the corner) to apologize. It's a pretty sweet deal.
.... I've never found my queer and Jewish identities to be at odds with each other and this is still true.
I wish this were true for me. I attended Jewish schools from preschool to 12th grade, including my entire high school spent at an Orthodox school. And I don't mean Sunday school and an hour at the synagogue after regular school. I mean morning and afternoon prayer (with boys and girls segregated). Hebrew class (shalom!). Talmud class. Bible class.
I wish I could have had a more enjoyable experience, but it's tough when a rabbi teaching a class says that San Francisco experiences earthquakes because Hashem (a Hebrew name for God) is trying to shake up all the homosexuals. Or when classmates who use the typical homophobic epithets are not chastised by a teacher. Nothing my classmates did or said was specifically Jewish and homophobic, but when you're in an environment where Jewishness is bound up in everything that goes on, it's hard to divorce a painful high school experience from my sense of Jewishness.
Ironically, my sister-in-law is studying to be a rabbi at the reform movement's rabbinical college, and that branch of Judaism is the only one to condone same-sex unions. Maybe she will one day conduct my wedding.
I'm sorry to hear your layoff news, Zack.
Oof. Sorry Zack. Hope you land where you want.
Zack, congratulations on this "break with your old life" and on the chance to begin a new phase. Like you I too was given a "chance to start over" 7 years ago. I lost my job in another city and, at the time, didn't realize I had been given the "break" I had been looking for. To make a long story short my life is so much better now because of that one moment.
May the road rise to meet you. Happy New Year!
lay-off? i don't know how it works down here, but if it's anything like canada, you MUST collect unemployment insurance. i've been layed-off twice before, both times collecting EI (as they call it up there) and those were some of the most glorious, halcyon months of my life. sure it's a pittance, but NO WORK! god i miss EI.
If your identities aren't at odds with one another, then why do you have to leave your Judaism behind to embrace your queer identity?
I was reading along not really affected by what you were writing until I hit the part about you "breaking up" with your straight best friend of six years. "That's sad," I thought. Was it that he (I'm assuming he) was unable to deal with you being gay? Was it that you were so enamoured with being gay and doing "gay" things that you didn't have room for non-gay people? Six years is a long time. I can see seeing less of him, as I'm sure he wouldn't want to spend a lot of time at Halo, but if it's the Black Cat or 9:30, isn't there room?
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