Top 5 Ways to Politicize Halloween

This post, submitted by TNG Editorial Assistant Corey, is part of a series of political countdowns through November 5th.



It's a day of charades and scares... Of knocking on doors and putting up decor in your yard... Of promises of treats and threats of tricks... And of making bad decisions that you will later regret.

But before we get to election day, there's one thing standing before us: Halloween. Coming just a few days before America votes, it might well be your last chance to drive a wedge between your friends and family who disagree with you on every issue, and do your part in polarizing this great nation. Here are some ways you can make a statement while stuffing your face with candy.

5. Dress Up as Sarah Palin
Tina Fey has done it, Sara Benincasa has done it, and now thousands of Americans who have no concept of "cliche" are going to do it. You might as well jump on the bandwagon, as this may (God willing) be your last chance for a while to bust out that kooky accent and talk about moose. The good news is, the costume won't cost you a fortune - only $150,000. Big bonus points if this costume choice means you're in drag.

4. Order Some Political Pops
Political candies like these have the added value of angering a lot of people to whom you hand them out. What's more guilty than eating all that sugar and fat and calories? Eating it while having to think about a political candidate that you hate. I plan on buying a crate of McCain-Palin candy so that I lose my appetite until about December, 2024.

3. Carve Your Candidate's Face Onto a Pumpkin
There is seriously a whole website dedicated to Barack-O-Lanterns. I would like everyone to pause for a moment and think about that.

2. Stage Scary Political Theatre
Political scare tactics aren't just for Karl Rove. Why not jump out at trick-or-treaters and scream "JEREMIAH WRIGHT" or "DO YOU WANT THE TERRORISTS TO WIN?" See? Or you could have a friend walk by as John McCain, jump out as if to scare him, and then he stages a heart attack and sudden death. Even kids will realize that in this senario, Sarah Palin would become president, try to adopt them all, and then force them to get pregnant. Scary stuff, in my humble opinion.

1. Go Crazy on Some Lawn Signs
While working for a state senate campaign in 2004, I realized the scariest thing of all for political candidates: that the night with the most debauchary, defamation of property, and shit shows per capita falls just days before folks sober up enough to vote. And this means that every lawn sign in the world will either disappear, get toilet papered, or get a pumpkin lobbed at it. So go ahead and go wild - you know you don't really care for your neighbors, anyway.

Most importantly, go out and have a good time - the worst you'll have the next day is a hangover. On the other hand, on November 5th you may wake up and find yourself living in a nightmare for the next 4-8 years, and that's pretty spooky.