Homos: What's Our Purpose?

Submitted by Jon, who with his dog (vestigial toe and all), lives in Shaw.

My mom is fond of saying "Everything happens for a reason." It was a saying I heard a lot during a streak of unemployment after I dropped out of law school. I'd get excited about a job interview, a few weeks would go by, and then I'd be hit with the bad news that someone else had snagged the position. I'd be depressed, and like a broken record, my mom would offer her usual bit of homespun wisdom, "Everything happens for a reason."

It's not a sentiment I generally agree with. In terms of whether there's a higher power, I'm still on the fence. But even if there is someone up there, I doubt much thought is being given to whether or not I'm employed. Regardless of my religious views, I do believe in evolution, and the genius of nature's design. Everything may not happen for a reason, but everything is created for a reason (except my dog's vestigial toe).

Coming to terms with my sexuality, I grappled with homosexuality's purpose. When the forces of a penis and a vagina combine, a baby is made… but what about two penises or two vaginas? Aside from a good time, what the hell is the point?

Well, I came up with a theory. But, before I tell you what it is, let me make clear that I am not basing this on anything other than my own quirky logic ... no studies were conducted, and no articles were read ... it's just me thinking outside the box (there's a joke hidden in there if you look carefully).

Anyway, so here's my theory for why nature created homos: population control. With the world's population growing at an unsustainable rate, nature threw in its own version of China's one-child policy. That's not to say that us gays can't have babies ... in fact as many studies do show, homos are great parents ... we just can't make them ourselves.

This leads me to a question ... if I follow my little theory through, aren't lesbians who artificially inseminate and gays who use surrogate mothers messing things up? Looking through the lens of my theory, yes. Please don't take this as an attack on anyone who chooses to pursue parenthood using these methods – it's not. We all have every right to become parents however we choose. And my theory is probably bogus. But, if it were somehow proven true, we would technically be doing a disservice to our intended function by creating our own biological children.

Putting the whole parenthood thing aside for a moment, imagine how validating it would be to have a defined sexual purpose. Homosexuality would be much easier to accept. Instead of being a conundrum, our sexuality would be regarded just as vital as that of heterosexuals. When you think about it, that's probably the biggest difference between us and the breeders – everyone knows what their purpose is, but with us, it's part of what makes us so hard to understand and accept ... hence homophobia.

So much effort is put into answering the questions of how one becomes gay, and whether it's a function of genetics, but perhaps the more important question is why homosexuality exists in the first place.

Addendum: After writing this post I did a quick internet search and found that several other people have proposed this same theory (many of them wackjobs). I was unable, however, to find any credible evidence to support or disprove the theory.