Approximate Living

This post was submitted by Ben43, a native of Maryland who relocated back to the DC area after living in Boston and New York.

I’ve been thinking about the nature of dependency in general and within Gay culture specifically. A recent University of Pittsburgh study found, "The odds of substance use for lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) youth are on average 190 percent higher than for heterosexual youth." One of that study's researchers attributes this disparity to "homophobia, discrimination and victimization." A July 2004 study in the American Journal of Public Health reports anti-Gay harassment is “associated with lower self-esteem and increased suicidal ideation” in young Gay men. These findings remind me of Patrick Moore’s June 2005 Village Voice article, We Are Not OK. Moore, a former AIDS activist and author of Tweaked: A Crystal Meth Memoir, makes the point that psychological distress and substance use among Gay men is the symptom of a “far larger spiritual crisis”. That crisis has produced self-destructive attitudes and behaviors that have disfigured Gay culture with exceptionally high rates of addiction and HIV transmission.

Although written three years ago I still think of Moore’s words today:

"...addiction is just one symptom of a larger disorder. There will always be another drug. The solution, unfortunately, is not a better prevention campaign. It's an inside job. Let's make this our last crisis."

It’s an inside job. The rate of self-destructive behavior in Gay men may be, at least in part, attributable to the stresses and pressures generated by a mainstream culture in which Gays are second class citizens. All you need to do is read the posts on this (or any Gay) blog regarding violent attacks, harassment, coming out pressure, gender confusion*, body image, PDA ambivalence, media indifference, political apathy, etc. and one quickly gets the impression there is a lot of tension, insecurity and anger permeating our environment. But what role, if any, do we ourselves have in perpetuating those pressures?

"...I have lived in a state of crisis for my entire adult life and have even found pleasure in the sense of purpose these crises instill."

Moore’s words remind me that, by design, objects of bigotry are forced to manage their own oppression in perpetual states of anxiety. While Gays live remarkably high stress lives that fact generally goes unrecognized. It is only natural we attempt to ameliorate that stress. Some self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, food, sex and relationships. Others attempt to suppress feelings of inadequacy by diligently acquiring the “perfect” life they feel has always eluded them. These aren’t surprising reactions to a mainstream culture that has embedded a remarkable amount of anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt in Gay men. Problem is altered states and affected lifestyles will not alleviate the stress, anger and anxiety of continual oppression. Sadly many Gay men inured to this predicament have developed attitudes and behaviors that are self-destructive, that corrode the Gay community at large.

Gay subculture itself may contribute in part to the dysfunction it seeks to eliminate. Created decades ago in opposition to an overt and sustained oppression (that has now receded into stealthy manipulation), Gay culture today preserves and sustains a system of now outmoded structures and coping mechanisms that do not serve us. Gay (male) Culture in large part consists of men seeking to control their environments: chasing the perfect high, or acquiring the perfect body, home, car, job, boyfriend, dog, vacation, family and friends. Where does the relentless need for perfection come from? Do we really need to prove our worth to ourselves and each other continuously? A mainstream culture that has constantly vilified Gay men as inadequate and inferior has produced in them a vigilant, painful self-consciousness by design. As a result Gay culture has misguidedly attempted to overcompensate for that imposed inadequacy. It is this unwitting cooperation that has made us a partner in our own marginalization.

Are high rates of substance use and rising rates of HIV infection proof that Gay culture has assimilated the animus of a mainstream culture that seeks to undermine and marginalize Gay people? Does the absence of outrage to decades of ongoing violent attacks betray a sense of powerlessness and inevitability? The uncomfortable answer, I think, is yes. It is arguable Gay (sub)culture is not a separate culture but the instrument of a system that seeks to control us. That coercive control has produced an oppositional culture of conformity, self-loathing and hostility within clear boundaries: The Gay Box.

The time has come for a rigorous prolonged public discussion of what "Gay Identity” and "Gay Culture” actually is. How it has never been formed outside of oppression, how damaging it is to sustain such an obsolete subculture and to whose advantage we perpetuate our now irrelevant cooperation. Assuming it is even possible how do we surpass this plateau and form a Gay culture that is legitimately, objectively ours and not a defense against external coercion?

* 9/10/2008, Editors note. The link from the text "gender confusion" to the label "trans" was incorrectly added by TNG editors and, at the request of the author, has been removed. Many comments below reflect the inclusion of that link. Please disregard those comments and focus any further discussion on the content of the post.