Shattered: Part 2

I received such an outpouring of concern from my last post (Shattered) that I wanted to thank those who both wrote to me personally and left comments before I begin the follow up. At the time, I was so alone; I wish you all could have been there then.

After the attack, it took all of my courage to enter Lambda Rising. I stood at the window for maybe 15 minutes before I went in. One of the clerks mentioned that they had seen my hovering outside. I got bandaged up and they called the police. This attack occurred before the Gay and Lesbian Unit was established, so I reported my assault to a slightly pudgy, mustached officer who was visibly uncomfortable with the whole thing. He had trouble saying the word “gay” and it was clear that he thought that I’d been cruising in P Street Beach, even though I explained to him that I’d been attacked near there, but not in the Black Forest itself. The officer, twitching and eager to leave the gay bookstore, offered to take me in his vehicle and patrol the area for the perpetrators, but I declined.

I opted to take the bus home, as I was not really hurt all that bad. It was a long and strange bus ride. I don’t really remember it, but I have a faint image of someone asking me if I was alright. Maybe I cried. I’m just not sure.

I spent most of the next few months in isolation. Work, and then home. I didn’t go out. I told some of my friends about it, but I never really discussed it in detail. In the light of the Matthew Shepherd case, my own attack seems to be so minor. So I mostly suppressed it. It took another series of events, completely unrelated to my assault, to make me realize how deeply the assault affected me. I have since worked through these issues with the help of professionals and feel that I am in a better place. I have pieced together my life, but there are moments when I feel fragile. The recent tragedy around Lawrence King opened up those wounds, and I realize that it is important to be a voice of experience. It is not only cathartic to share this experience, I also believe it's essential.