TNG Consumer Reports

Feeling overwhelmed by the dildo/plug/vibrator market? Let The New Gay help you decide which inanimate objects to put inside yourself and/or your lover(s). Today's contestants are pitted against one another by virtue of being somewhat surprising, somewhat weird. In this corner we have what is allegedly a children's toy, and in that corner we have what is allegedly art. At the bell, fight!

	Dora Aquapet	Fling	Advantage
Price	$12.88 on ebay	$140 at Babeland	Dora
Materials	Plastic, decals	Sustainable organic hardwood, coated with Lubrosity™	Fling
Girth & Length	Girthy, short	8” x 1-5/8”	Lady's choice
Footprint	Landfill fodder, unbiodegradable	If you threw it out your window you wouldn't be littering	Fling
Creepy factor	Fucked by a little girl	Fucked by an "erotic sculpture"	Toss up

Winner: The Aquapet has been discontinued for reasons that might be apparent. But despite its collectability and attractive price tag, we're going to have to go with Fling by NobEssence. See also its butt-plug brother Flip. If anyone has actually ever used these products, please enlighten us below.