Ask a Lesbian
Feministing, one of my favorite daily reads, drew my attention last week to this interview with Cynthia Nixon in the New York Times Magazine. Feministing takes the article to task for the idiotic, closed-minded questions it asks, including my least favorite lesbian question ever — "who is the male in the relationship?" It made me think about all the questions I've been asked over the years.
Most of these questions come from straight men, who seem to be more curious about my sex life than any other group (who's surprised?). I've been asked for sex advice, which I don't mind, since it usually comes from boys who don't get a lot of action. I also have lots of friends ask me questions, which generally show how they can't wrap their heads around lesbian sex. I'm starting to think that gay sex should be taught in high school health classes so people know how all the gay boys and girls are doing it (after all, we know exactly how out hetero friends get it on).
I'm glad that people ask me questions instead of just making assumptions about my sex life, but you would think people have never met a lesbian before. Read on for some of my favorite questions.
Some Favorites:
"Are you really good at threesomes?" (Yes, I'm fucking amazing. And no, I'm not having one with you.)
"Don't you miss a penis?" (No, and if I did, I have a surrogate in my drawer that I break out for special occasions.)
"So how do you decide who to sleep with?" (The same way everyone else does.)
"Do you always use a fake penis?" (No, I don't. Hardly ever, in fact. And I don't think of it as a penis, I think of it as a brightly colored object that feels good.)
"How do you decide who the boy is?" (Who the boy is? I'm sleeping with a girl, not a boy. Neither of us are a "the boy.")
Readers, what other "gay questions" have you been asked?
9 comments:
i have to say that as a sex-obsessed gay man, i love answering even the stupidest of questions, because it means i get to use words that represent things i like in grammatically correct ways (not to say that i don't like using them in less....civil conversations).
"Which one of you takes it." I HATE being asked that question, by gay or straight people. I just think its "which one of you is the man/woman" in sheep's clothing.
I pretty much like being asked anything. Most people are pussies and are scared to acknowledge your gayness at all, as if it might be insulting.
Ever since the debut of the infamous South Park episode featuring Mr. Garrison discovering lesbian sex, I've been asked countless times about "scissoring"
I'm hopeful this trend will die off soon...
I'm with Kaysey on this one... I get questioned about my "scissoring" habits more times than I can count.
I also have a little troupe of gay male friends who are always curious about the mechanisms of lesbian sex. They always want me to rank sex acts, or distinguish between foreplay and "sex".
aftereleanor.blogspot.com
Unfortunately, this question, paired with the obligatory jackass follow-up comment, seems to be common among many of our own: "Lynn, why are you so into butchie women? If *I* wanted a woman who looks like a man, I'd just be with a man."
my gf's high school health teacher told the class they could write any question on a piece of paper & he'd answer it. someone asked, how do lesbians have sex, and he replied, with their thumbs and toes.
this is what we're up against, folks.
I concur with Jenny Miller... As long as it's asked with some sort of genuine interest in the answer, I have no problem playing educator. I did Speakers Bureau at UM for a couple years (basically, Gay Q&A panels) so I've heard pretty much every dumb question in the book.
The one that did get old was, after introducing myself as gay and trans, I almost invariably got asked "So that means you like... girls?" I only ever had one guy "guess" right, and I think I scared him I was so thrilled =D
I have been asked on numerous occasions what "counts as sex" or what constitutes "going all the way." Even among my own contingent of queers, we have been unable to reach a consensus. I generally just say that if it feels like sex, then it's sex, but I never really understood why people were so hung up on defining sex in the first place. Why can't we just call it a good time and leave it at that?
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