Home For The Holidays

This post was submitted by "SAM", who is home for the holidays in North Central Florida.

Sam's post is after the jump.

TNG wishes all of you a safe and happy holidays with your insane relatives.



“I took it out of my pocket in the dining room when I was lookin’ for somthin’, and now I can’t find it.”

“What was it?”

“A block of hash ‘bout this big.”

*****

“I don’t believe we’ve met before — I’m Kim.”

“Nice to meet you — I’m Timmy’s woman.”

*****

“You’re nothing but a goddamned drunk!”

“Don’t you talk to my old man like that!”

*****

“We was in the living room, and I looked over and realized there was still blood on the wall from last night.”

*****

“Go on down there and take a look in the bar. Look for a fella who looks like a cross between Ernest Hemingway and Jabba the Hutt. Tell him you’re my son, and see if he can get us a table.”

*****

“C’mere, Miss Piggy…can you sit down for me?

*****

“He pulled down his pants and took a shit right there in the driveway. Somebody asked whose kid he was, and I just said ‘beats me’ and went and hid until his dad cleaned it up with a shovel. I was so embarrassed — I mean, right after the funeral and everything!”

*****

“Did y’all have a good time down here?”