Wide Stance with Rocky and Corey: Class Warfare
TNG Music Editor, Rocky, and Managing Editor, Corey, chat it up in their Thursday virtual talk show, "Wide Stance." This week: the stimulus package, the crumbling economy, and a special guest from Georgetown society, Johnny.
Corey: Welcome back, Dearest Readers, to another installment of.... Wide Stance. Where Rocky and I talk on gchat, and call it productivity.
Rocky: Evening Corey! How goes it?
Corey: I have a glass of Crystal Light and a new, just-for-the-photos issue of Men's Fitness. So it goes great. And you, sir?
Rocky: Well, I'm watching American Idol and feeling quite superior indeed. So I'm happy as a pig in poop. Thank you very much!
So... what's on the agenda tonight? I hear we have some sort of guest?
Is it Mandela?!
Corey: It's not quite Mandela. I don't know how to tell you this, Rocky, but... he's kind of a big deal... and we're kind of not. But! We do have a very special friend from Georgetown University, where I, somewhat reluctantly, go to school.
But before we get to tonight's guest, I feel obligated to bring up the stimulus package. Which, if you ask me, not very stimulating.
Rocky: Sounds like you're just not meeting the right guys then...
But, seriously, what's the problem?
Corey: I don't know. As a political spectator, I feel like we're in the boring part now. Like when the Titanic starts to sink, you know it's going to sink, and you're just kind of waiting to see who croaks?
The economy is clearly in the shitter, and I feel a bit like we're watching the deck chairs be rearranged. I just want to wake up and for it to be the end of this stupid depression. Or the beginning part again, where John McCain killed poor people on live TV.
Rocky: OK, Rush. Well, I think your skepticism while founded is perhaps a little... premature maybe?
You're such a pessimist, Corey!
Corey: Umm... Too skeptical to say that the economy is bad? And that the stimulus is boring?
We have a young, hot president, but apparently not one who has learned that sex sells. Because this stimulus is bor-ring.
You know what the problem is? Richardson was supposed to be the economic cheerleader. And he is gone now, back to the Land of Enchantment, or whatever it's called. I want our economic teddy bear back.
Rocky: Well, Thomas Friedman is kind of like a teddy bear. Except he's an idiot. Maybe Krugman. He's cuddly right?
Isn't there a new commerce secretary-designate? How's that guy? What's he about?
Corey: Rumors only. From what I hear, anyway. He's from Oregon, which as we went over last week, makes him awesome. Or a gay sleazball. I can't remember how we ended that conversation, exactly.
Rocky: It was a draw. Is it possible he's an awesome gay sleazeball?
Corey: You know, Rocky, he could well be. As we here at The New Gay are always promoting, like an after school special, there are many ways to be gay. Which is actually a perfect lead-in for our guest tonight, who - come to think of it - does NOT like to be kept waiting.
Rocky: Oh my. I heard that Nelson can get testy!
Oh wait. Right. "Big Deal." I forgot.
Anyway, would you like to do the honors?
Corey: Absolutely. Without further ado, let's bring out a friend who I journeyed with to the heart of the Orient... Or, Turkey, as they call it today. Johnny and I attend Georgetown University, where he thinks it's fucking awesome, and I think it's... not. Johnny, welcome to the show!
Rocky: Welcome Johnny!
Johnny: Hi Cor Cor, I am happy to be here and I will try to use proper grammar for once.
And hi Rocky too.
Corey: You have already failed.
Johnny: Crap.
Rocky: No worries. I got admonished earlier too...
Johnny: Private school leaves you completely illiterate and unable to spell, that is my theory.
Rocky: Oh my God! So true!
Corey: Public school leaves you with the ability to use spell-checker in the library.
Rocky: What is that?
Johnny: I am just saying I wouldn't trade my boho elementary school and all the touchy feel bs for anything, but learning to express your feelings does not teach you what a preposition is.
Corey: Even for rich people, aren't skills somewhat of an... asset in life?
Rocky: HAhahahahahaha
That was funny, Corey.
Johnny: I know, I know, that is where it failed me. But I loved it, I am happy we had reading circles and a "burn book" in elementary school. Fuck language arts.
Rocky: Interesting. I too am a prep school brat and an Ivy Leaguer to boot and I don't know. I'm kind of not in to it. I'm still not totally clear on comma usage...
Johnny: Well unfortunately Gtown is not an Ivy League although I would never want to go anywhere else.
Corey: Okay, Johnny. You're pretty new on the TNG scene - and would never have found your way to the "alternative" crowd if you weren't just coming to keep me company. So. What do you think?
Johnny: What I think about the alternative crowd? Wow that is general, I don't know. To be honest I think I am more alternative than most gays.
Rocky: How so?
Corey: Because you sometimes wear jeans with your Ralph Lauren button-downs?
Johnny: I mean I wear boat shoes and love my cashmere and am obsessed with my family and want to be a dad more than anything.
Rocky: Well what are we defining as "alternative"?
Johnny: I am like a 1950s girl in my aspirations. I mean obviously not, but I just want my family and everything, and to hang out at the club and go sailing with my family, and I daydream about what progressive elementary school my kids will go to. That is not normal for a 21 year old gay.
Corey: So I guess if we define alternative as "not normal," you are alternative. But not in an indie music, free-spirited, non-Republican kind of way. Which isn't to say you're weird, just not fitting in with the normal paradigm of gay.
Johnny: I want to be the first gay first gentlemen of the U.S. 2036. Here we come! I will support my husbands political aspirations.
Corey: What the fuck...?
Rocky: Well, to be fair, most 21 year olds aren't thinking about their kids' education...
Corey: Fuck me. We're in our early twenties.
Johnny: I know, I know. The weird part is I started thinking about my kids names and their schooling when I was still in high school. Fucked up, I know.
Rocky: Dang!
Johnny: I don't even have a potential husband right now, let alone boyfriend.
Rocky: Why do you think that is?
Johnny: I don't know. I guess family is really important to me, I am obsessed with my family, love them to death, would do anything for them, like Don Corleone, I would like you know kill for them, or at least cover it up. So I have always wanted a family.
When I came out to my Dad I was all weepy and was like, "I just want to be a Dad like you because you were so good," and he was like, "It's ok. There are tons of children in this world who need homes. You can adopt," which was really sweet. Even though I probably want genetic kids, so I need a womb for rent.
Corey: Johnny has strong feelings about his father. Some might say Freudian, but he gets mad when I say that.
Johnny: Ok, this is getting too Brady Bunch cliche, even for me.
Corey: Okay. Let's talk social life. I stopped hanging out at Georgetown when people began to attend "O.C. and Champagne" events. What are your thoughts, Johnny?
Johnny: OMG, O.C. is soo high school. I mean I have thought about having "Gossip Girl and Champagne" nights, i adore Champagne, well my favorite drink is a Bellini, which is champagne based.
Rocky: Are you in Late Night Shots?
Johnny: My friend invited me, so I have an account, but I never use it, It seems a little poseur, desperate, trying to hard. Seems like a lot of social climbing wannabes. Either you got it or you don't.
Rocky: So no Smith Point for you then?
Johnny: I don't even know what that is.
Corey: Good. Me neither.
Johnny: Although I do hang out at the "Bro bars" Tombs and Martin's. But Tombs is so tre tre, its like the Cheers bar where everyone knows your name. I love that sense of community.
Corey: Oh! Johnny asked me what a "dive bar" was the other day. He was reading Perez and didn't know that term. I about died.
Johnny: Yeah, I had no idea what that meant. I thought it was some like weird kinky shit, and I was like wtf do they do there, like nasty stuff, but apparently it is just a low rent bar. I learn something everyday. I mean doesn't "dive bar" sound sketch?
Rocky: Ummm... I guess not when you've known of the term intimately for the better part of a decade. :)
Needless to say, I'm a dive bar kind of guy.
Corey: Yes, I lived across from a biker bar in Connecticut, so... yeah.
Rocky: If there's Steve Miller on the jukebox, I'm a happy puppy.
Johnny: I am terrible with music, I have no idea who that is.
I have been to bars in New York with my brother when I was 20, I love the Spotted Pig in Greenwich Village, I said hi to Penelope Cruz and she ignored my drunk ass.
But me and Cor Cor had interestingly awkward experiences at bars in Alanya, Turkey. At Skybar and Robbin Hood. [Ed. note - these were terrifically bad Eurotrash hotspots frequented by German tourists with no shame.]
Rocky: Oh, do tell...
Johnny: Well, the bar tender Ahmet loved us, and would give us free drinks. Robbin Hood was sketch. I was pretty sure the bartenders there were either gay or at least "for hire," because they were super sketch and propositioned me.
Corey: Johnny had crushes on all the Eurotrash boys, but would never admit it.
Johnny: OMG I did not, except for those Norwegian boys, they were super cute, but unfortunately straight.
We were in Istanbul on Corey's 21st and walked into a cloud of tear gas, the cops had just took someone down. Corey was so drunk, he touched some Spanish guy's head. [Ed note: that was not all that Corey touched.]
Corey: It was interesting being in Turkey during the presidential primaries. Especially rooming with Johnny, who fell in love with Clinton, and then settled for McCain in the general election, for the sake of destroying the Estate Tax.
Johnny: Hahah, OMG I loves loves Hillz. She is so fabu. And such a friend to the gays.
Corey: Just like McCain!
Johnny: I love her power suits too. She has more balls than any male politician.
Corey: Well, that's very progressive for someone who once screamed at me for saying chivalry is sexist.
Johnny: Chivalry is beautiful. I still hold doors for women all the time, and I would love for a cute guy to hold the door for me. Alas, no cute gays ever do.
But seriously, lets focus the conversation, ask some deep, focused questions.
Corey: Umm. Did you read our last column?
Johnny: Yes, I read last week's Wide Stance. I read your column [on finding people out of your league] and that guy was flirting with you in the comments, Cor.
But lets focus on ME, ask ME questions.
Rocky: You heard the man, Cor...
Johnny: You can ask questions as well. You are co-hosting.
Corey: Here's a question. Why McCain?
Johnny: I regret the whole McCain thing. I was devastated that Hillz lost; she was my homegirl. Her concession speech was beautiful though, about the dogs barking, but keeping going. Loved it! I don't know I don't really care about politics.
Rocky: But didn't you find that Obama had more in common with Hillary than McCain ever did?
Johnny: I am not a rational enough person to answer Rocky's question. I don't really follow politics, just fiscal policy. I am a fiscal conservative, but to be honest I started to care after Prop 8.
I had lived my entire life in a bubble and never felt threatened or anything, then that really angered me. I was so angry; it was the first time I ever felt like a minority or the underdog. I was like I want equal rights godammit. So that was an awakening.
Corey: So in other words, after someone did something mean to gays, you realized oppressing minorities is bad?
Too harsh? Sorry, I'm a bitch.
Johnny: I have been involved with it. I attended the protest and was on the cover of the Washington Blade with a couple of Gtown students.
We were at the front of the entire protest in the rain. One of the coolest moments ever.
Corey: So your activism consists of... Publicity and neato moments in the rain?
Johnny: OMG, you are A BIATCH Cor Cor. I participated in the protest because I wanted to be pro-active.
Corey: Actually, the protest was reactive. Pro-active is when you act before they pass the thing.
Rocky: If you wanted to be pro-active you wouldn't have voted for McCain. No offense.
Johnny: I didn't actually vote for McCain. I just don't want to admit to Cor Cor that I didn't vote for him, because that would give him some kind of victory.
My whole family actually voted for Obama. Except for my brother who is not registered to vote, despite being 25.
Corey: Well, you certainly supported McCain in public, despite this revelation about your secret "guilt vote."
Rocky: I just don't really get McCain supporters in general, as a black, a gay and a follower of politics. I feel always feel compelled to argue.
Johnny: I don't really follow politics though so...
Anyway, so Rocky, is that a nickname, where did it come from?
Corey: Haha I thought you wanted substantive discussion!
Rocky: It is indeed. It started in college. Speaking of which - let's return to Georgetown nightlife.
Johnny: Well Gtown nightlife is parties, Tombs, M Street bars and that is about it. The gays go to Apex on occasional Thursdays and Town on Friday, but it is tre uncool to go to a gay club on non-college night
Now, Cor Cor had problems with the gay scene at Gtown, but I think it is great. GU Pride is a great organization and is very diverse.
Corey: Now it is. A few years ago it was about 80 rich white guys with pastel sweaters.
Johnny: Well, GU Pride is very diverse right now, socio-economically, racially and socially.
Corey: Too bad Georgetown isn't.
Johnny: OMG, yes it is. When I got to Gtown I couldn't believe how diverse it was, especially socio-economically.
Corey: That's because it was the first time you met any non-rich people. My parents are low-to-mid middle class, and I am in the bottom 5% of income earners here. Something is wrong with that.
Johnny: OMG, can we use an alias for me, like "Johnny"? People from Gtown read this blog, I am like committing social suicide. The Mean Gays are going to cut me.
Rocky: Well, Johnny, you've basically got a post on TNG devoted to you, so is there anything you'd like to say to the readers? Any sort of message you'd like to impart?
Johnny: Um, no, I think I have embarrassed myself sufficiently.
Corey: Well then we best be going. We're in a recession now - I need to shut down my computer, turn off the heat, and fashion a bed out of newspapers.
Rocky: Thanks for stopping by, Johnny.
Corey: It was real. Or something. And to all of our readers, thanks for joining us and we'll see you next week!
