Law and Order for Women?

This post was written by TNG founder Zack, who watches way too many Law & Order reruns.

Tuesday night was very atypical for me because I actually got off my ass and left the house. My boyfriend and I went down to the 6th and I Synagogue to see queer band Antony and The Johnsons. Despite the venue's piss poor sightlines (it was better to stand against the wall than sit in the far left wing) I found the show to be pretty incredible. Antony's singing voice is just as magical as it is on his CDs. His talking voice was exercised quite a bit too. After I got over my initial shock that he speaks like an ordinary guy (no quivering, no wavering and his octave level was normal) I started to listen to what he was saying.

Among many long diatribes was a resonant thought on the modern roles of men and women. Wondering why we still make nuclear bombs and propagate war, Antony lamented the plight of the contemporary man. I am paraphrasing, but he said something along the lines of "Cavemen were wired to troll the perimeter of the camp to protect the women and children from Woolly Mammoths or other threats. Now they don't have to do that any more but still can't shake their impulse to fight. However, they have forgotten that the impulse was there in the first place to protect, not to harm."

He phrased it much more poignantly but I took his point. The Masculine Archetype should exist to guard, not to attack. But that's clearly not the case anymore. I thought about this until the show's end.

Then, in a much more typical fashion, my boyfriend and I came home and watched Law and Order. We have a crippling addiction to the standard iteration of that program but I cannot stand Law and Order: SVU. It makes me bristle. There's something about it that I find insulting. Now, thanks to Antony, I can finally articulate why.

Law and Order, for the uninitiated, has a very universal appeal. Every episode opens with someone stumbling across a body as they go about their daily grind. Two detectives show up and make a wisecrack before the opening credits. Then they chase after a couple red herrings. Once arrested, the correct suspect appears to be evading prosecution due to a legal loophole. But then one of Jack McCoy's interchangeable dark-haired assistants (excepting Serena Southerly) finds an overlooked detail that breaks the case. Then Jack, cookie-cutter brunette or Bill Richardson makes a closing wisecrack and the "Dick Wolf" final credits come up. It's as predictable as your favorite Mexican restaurant or someone yelling "Shut the fuck up" at one of my family's Thanksgiving dinners.

Does that sound like a formula that needed to be messed with? I think not. But Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is a whole different beast. The program focuses on rapes, sex crimes and seemingly anything involving a little girl in danger. The main characters are Olivia Benson, the striking take-no-shit lady detective with strong lesbian overtones. Her partner Elliott Stabler is a handsome family man who never shuts up about his children and is the subject of inumerable gratuitous nude scenes.

If I didn't know better, I would say that some NBC bigwig thought to himself "Hmm... Regular Law and Order is a detective show. Only men like detectives. How can I exploit the broadest female stereotypes to get more viewers?"

Am I the only one who thinks that SVU panders to the lowest common denominator of what marketers think that women like? I want to play a drinking game sometime with SVU. Whenever someone says "Protect" or "violate," I take a shot. When a little girl is in danger and Stable bursts through the door to save her, I take a shot. When Olivia exchanges a more-than-passing glance with a female colleague, I take a shot. I'd have my stomach pumped by the third commercial break.

I know that SVU is just mindless entertainment. It shouldn't bother me that it insults the intelligence of women. Who knows? Maybe it doesn't. But I know that my mom and my sister and my friends and the women that write for this site are interested in more than pretty faces and the sanctity of the female body. The latter is and always will be a respected priority in my life. But with actualy people on the streets fighting for abortion rights and stronger laws against sexual abuse, doesn't it cheapen the cause a little to focus an entire show on their entertainment values?

I think there are some truth to men/women stereotypes. As a matter of biology, men are wired to have as much sex as possible. That explains the success of manhunt. Women are more wired to seek one partner, which could account for all the lesbian nesting stereotypes. But I think most stereotypes beyond that are hooey. In this day and age, why is it decided still that men inherently care about trucks and women are overly concerned with yogurt? Is anyone with kids, nieces or nephews aware if the blue/pink rules of dressing a child are still staunchly followed?

More than anything, it reminds me too much of the way that gay men are marketed to. I suspect the same guy at the NBC writers' table who decided to try a "cop show for women" had a hand in the insulting beer ads and travel agency posters that are supposed to grab a gay man's eye with all their sweet exposed flesh and over-gelled hair. They are probably the same people who decided Will and Grace would only be appealing if its gay characters had no sex lives, but were over the top in every other behavior that the straight world thought gay men engaged in.

That said, Olivia is pretty hot and I never object to seeing Stabler in the buff. But it takes more than that for a show to hold my attention. Now if only they could somehow use CGI technology to make Briscoe and Green have sex on regular Law and Order. That would be... pretty disgusting, actually. I'm sorry for bringing it up.