Tristan Taormino: The New Gay Interview

GWU grad student Chad submitted this interview. You can also read more about the book reading this Saturday and the after party.

You don’t usually see them, but they’re everywhere around you… lurking near the barstools at the pub, sweating in the steam room with you at the gym, hiding in the bathroom stall at work with that scary man who always spends 20 minutes on the toilet after his morning coffee. I’m talking about buttholes! Sure they can be awkward, they can be disorderly, they can even be hairless if you’ve got the moxy to ask Andre for a back/crack/sac… but most importantly, they can be fun! And that is what renowned feminist, queer advocate, and anal sexpert, Tristan Taormino, is here to remind us.

Engaging, charming, and filled with rectal fervor; Taormino has spent the last 10 years promoting sex-positive attitudes, and plain-old good sex, through workshops like this Friday’s ‘Anal Pleasure 101’ hosted at from 7-9pm (14^th Ave. and Rhode Island, NW). Tickets ($25) are limited and only available online, here. Your ass has its own language, dear readers… and this woman is the fucking Rosetta Stone! Don’t miss your chance learn sphincter-nese, and meet a remarkable queer icon in the process! Check below the fold for more on Tristan Taormino, including our conversation about how her anus had me at hello…

Taormino has authored four books, including the acclaimed The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Opening Up: Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships; edited numerous collections of lesbian erotica published by Cleis Press, including fourteen volumes of the Lambda Literary Award winning anthology Best Lesbian Erotica; and directed (and starred in) an assortment of adult movies and sex-education videos. She was kind enough to talk with me Tuesday about her work on, and for, all the world’s assholes.

Full interview below the fold.

The New Gay: Tristan, what got you started in the sex industry?

Tristan Taormino: I was supposed to go to law school! I was finishing up undergrad [Tristan graduated from Wesleyan University with a degree in American studies], and started applying to law schools. I had taken a class in college on queer optimism in the early 90s, and actually wrote my thesis about sex and sexuality. When the law school thing didn’t work out, I asked my thesis advisor for advice. He told me that he thought I was a good writer, and that I seemed to enjoy writing about sexuality, so he suggested I look into sex writing. And that’s what I did. I started out freelancing, but then got my first major gig in 1996 editing the Best Lesbian Erotica series. I was really drawn to that project because at the time there were only maybe a handful of good erotica novels, or even romance novels, that featured lesbian sex. I liked the idea of working on an annual series focused on exploring and celebrating lesbian sex.

TNG: We’ve been promoting your Anal Pleasure 101 workshop at TNG. You are considered an anal sexpert (I’m kind of in love with your job title, by the way). What about anal sex appeals to you the most?

TT: [Laughs] I just love anal sex! I love everything about it.

TNG: I don’t get it. Can women even get off from that? Don’t worry, I plan on attending your workshop on Friday, but I might need a little spoiler now to help me understand.

TT: Ugh. Oh course women can get off from anal penetration! It can be from just anal play alone through indirect g-spot stimulation, or by adding some clitoral stimulation in combo during the process. Not to mention, there is a powerful emotional and psychological aspect to anal sex that adds to the experience. This is why I teach about, and have written so much about, anal sex. There is a real dearth of information on the subject from the woman’s point of view. Guys have a prostate so it is obvious that they enjoy anal stimulation, but it can be just as much fun for women!

TNG: So would you say that, for you, mastering the anus has been a smooth and easy journey, or a difficult and chaffing one?

TT: [Laughs]. For me it was smooth and easy, but I know that’s not everyone’s experience! A lot of people I talk to have had very negative first experiences, and it takes them a while to get back into it. I loved my first time! I was lucky enough to lose my anal virginity to a well-experienced dyke… she knew about lube… it was mind blowing!

TNG: If your anus could talk, Tristan, what would it say?

TT: “I’m the center of attention! I hope that other hole doesn’t feel left out.”

TNG: You’ve often said that you self-identify as a lesbian [although you’ve had heterosexual partners] because you strongly identify with the queer culture and community. What about the queer experience do you most treasure, and what things about our community would you still like to see change?

TT: Queer people have always been on the forefront of the sex-radical/sex-positive movement. Probably in large part because that is how we figure out we are even gay to begin with, through sexual deviation from mainstream practices. Coming out makes us want to investigate sex, it makes us value sex as an important part of our identity. I love that self-explorative spirit in our community! As for what I would change, there is still too much segregation in our culture. When I worked on Dark Odyssey [what’s been described as “a weekend retreat filled with workshops and kinky play that mixes spirituality with sexuality”] it was really hard at first to get gay men there. They have so many spaces already where they can go and be unmixed, and feel perfectly comfortable. Sometimes it is hard to convince people how important it is to have mixed spaces where all different types of people can come together and interact. More recently, I have noticed a growing trend of all-gender queer sex parties, and I am happy to see that. But we still have a long way to go.

TNG: Yeah, beyond experiencing marginalization queer men and women can often have difficult times finding commonality in our culture. Do you think there is something strong enough to bind us cohesively?

TT: ANAL SEX!!! Everyone has a butthole… everyone can enjoy anal sex! Man, woman, straight, gay… no matter religion, color, or political disposition… our assholes are all the same.

TNG: Wow, buttholes could save the world!?

TT: [Laughs] You kind of left that wide open for me, sorry.

TNG: In writing your books, and gathering material for your workshop, have you been able to draw completely from your personal experiences or have you needed to seek outside expertise?

TT: I definitely had to consult a lot of outside, especially medical, references. In the beginning I had no idea about anal anatomy. I get a LOT of questions and feedback in my workshops, and after 10 years I can now field most of the stuff myself. Every once in a while, though, I’ll still get a question that stumps me and forces me to do more research.

TNG: Abstinence only education has been a huge failure in the United States. What do you think successful sex education curriculum for young kids should involve?

TT: Ahhh, this is such a big concern of mine! They won’t let me go near anyone under 18 because I’ve been in sex films, but I WISH I could talk to them! I’ve gotten emails… plural… not just one, from young girls asking if they can get pregnant from anal sex. I think that just highlights an overall failure of current sex education to teach children what they need to know to be safe and healthy. I think kids should stop being protected from real information! They should be told the truth about all the ways you can have sex, and the all the ways it can potentially risk your health, from people who aren’t afraid to be honest and explicit with them. Teachers need to stop using heavy jargon and medical terms to communicate sex. When you say fallopian tube to a 15 year old, they have no real concept of what that is. As educators, we need to meet kids on their level and explain things with pictures and language that they can follow. Also, we need to provide better access to safe-sex materials, like literature and condoms. Condoms in every counselor’s and nurse’s office.

TNG: Yeah, they don’t let me near anyone under 18 either… probably for different reasons. But do you think it is counter-productive to be so explicit with children? With adults, a certain shock value can bring us out of our comfort zone and spark good communication; with kids though, it tends to distract them.

TT: There’s a way to be explicit without being provocative. I just mean that they should have access to sources of specific, unambiguous information.

TNG: Moving back to sex-positivity for adults, do you feel that public sex venues, like the old sex theaters from NYC’s Times Square, have a place in contemporary society?

TT: Oh god, the sad fate of the sex theaters! Definitely when people have access to information, and sex, in public spaces, they get to learn and experience more about themselves and how they fit into the world. Sex clubs and peep shows can be sites of not just orgasms, but where people come out and figure out their sexuality… where they do activism, educate, and interact with each other. Sure there will always be spaces that are no more than sleazy peep shows, but the potential is there for them to be a lot more. Historically, these venues have been really influential spaces for gay men… and slowly they are becoming so for queer women too.

TNG: Have you always been so outspoken and raw with who you are?

TT: No, I’ve definitely not always been this way. But I feel driven as a sex educator, and when you can tell the truth and be honest with people about who you are and your experiences, that’s when they really start to learn things about themselves. I am really passionate about what I do, and I think people can pick up on that and know I am speaking from my heart.

TNG: Where have you found your best role models for sex-positive behavior?

TT: Queer women. People like Betty Dodson, Carol Queen, Deborah Sundahl, and the like. They paved the way for a sex-positive movement, and are all role models of mine.

TNG: Finally, what is next for Tristan Taormino?

TT: I just finished two new books. The first one, which comes out in May, is an anal sex position guide, fully illustrated with 4-color photography. It is being published by Quiver Press. Just when you thought I didn’t have anything else to say about anal sex, just wait! The second book should come out in about a year, it is going to be a sex toy bible. That’s my other favorite topic, sex toys!

TNG: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with TNG, Tristan. It was a real pleasure!

TT: Hope to see you, and your readers, at the workshop on Friday!