"The Indie Rock Fag" Fears the End of Skinny Jeans
"The Indie Rock Fag" is TNG co-founder Zack's new weekly column. Please be kind to it.
Original illustration by new TNG artist Ryan Blomberg.
I found myself in a distressing position last month. First off, I was in Georgetown. My sojourns into the third DC (my DC and governmental DC being the other two) are very rare. Besides the pervasive "out of my element" feeling the neighborhood gives me, I have a notorious weakness for buying things don't need when they are on sale. I could easily come home with a $300 rhinestone muumuu if it was marked down from $1000. And this leads to the real distress of the day: I lapsed into some sort of trance and came home with two drastically marked down pairs of skinny jeans.
Until about a year ago I thought that skinny jeans were the biggest aesthetic tragedy of the new millennium. Removed from any notions of fashion, or what's "in," I simply used to be of the opinion that tapered, cigarette-fit pants didn't look right. Until I had a gradual realization that a lot of people were wearing them and not all of them looked hideous. Then I realized that I was skinny and that pants were skinny. So I thought "why not break every rule of what makes a person look normal and buy two pairs of denim panty hose?"
One pair was whiter than a samoyed in a blizzard and the other so incredibly form-fitting that you could tell the make, model and serial number of my penis. I'll admit they look ridiculous. But again: I'm very skinny. Transcending lanky, I skirt the level of corporeal slightness that causes grandmothers to pinch my biceps and ask if I'm eating enough. Because of this, the current fashion trends leave me tickled pink. Everything is made perfectly for me. If buff dudes or baggy pants were to come back in style I would be right back on the desirability dust heap.
I wrote last year about The New Gay Build and the sentiment still holds: I'm fortunate to be comfortable in a look that many find socially acceptable. I can be so quick to judge the backwards capped Aberzombie or Mr. Rogers-esque Sweater Fag, but I'll also freely admit that there are few people who walk into their favorite bar and don't find themselves dressed like everyone else.
I'm not going to spill any more ink on the "hipster" policy of conforming to nonconformity: The H word and all its accompanying criticism are so overused that they have ceased to mean anything. But I, personally, have a uniform that takes me through my daily life. Everyone does. Mine happens to be jeans, old t-shirt, old belt buckle and rod lavers. If its cold I'll throw on a flannel or a hoodie. I don't see myself dressing any differently anytime soon. Throw in the giant tattoo on my right arm and I leave my self as a candidate to look like its 2009 forever.
I like to wonder what will happen when it's 20 years from now and all the kids at the Black Cat are wearing nylon bodysuits or hypercolor hemp robes. Will I follow one more ridiculous trend because I've been numbed from its ubiquity? I will I be "that guy" sitting at the back table, mocked for my propensity to wear clothes that are 20 years out of style while I ogle the au courant youngsters?
I can imagine this is the point when the average reader thinks "that is why I don't follow fashion trends. I just dress like myself." I have news for you: No matter what you look like, there are hundreds of people in the DC area alone who look just like you. Go to the mirror right now and look at yourself. Now say this: "I am a caricature." It is the truth.
From the Armani-suited banker to the punk kid with 30 black t-shirts, any stabs at individuality or distinction through clothing are failed from the start. No matter if you admit it or not: you belong to a group.
But enough about all of you. What does this mean for me? It means I own some suffocatingly tight pants that, despite all my prior standards, look pretty good. The pockets might barely have room for my wallet. Bending over is an impossible task and I'm pretty sure that if I farted in them an air bubble would travel down my leg and escape somewhere near my ankle. But I like them and, for now, they work. I should just stop questioning it.
10 comments:
I've really enjoyed watching the development and proliferation of skinny jeans over the past few years. I think they're quite a good look for slender men and women, and I hope they stay on as a staple of the 'trend conscious' young person's wardrobe for the foreseeable future.
But, I do appreciate that looser and less-skinny cuts of jeans are returning and being championed by companies like Cheap Monday, APC, Nudie, and Oak. I think these newer trouser styles add variety to a fashion-forward closet. Also, they're a lot kinder to guys, like me, who have short and stocky builds.
It's so funny you mention that, because I just paid $1,000 for a rhinestone muumuu and it was worth every penny.
From the sounds of things, if you're still hitting those in 20 years, I'll be more than happy to say hello.
Most of us are indeed a "caricature". I like this post and your previous on The New Gay Build.
I buy my clothes at Patagonia, Dick's Sporting Goods and Target. I wear shorts throughout winter. With all due respect I don't think many people "look just like [me]". I am relieved to have escaped life as a "caricature" and make clothing decisions based on my needs and lifestyle not on what I read in a magazine. I wish more guys did.
I am automatically turned off by hipster guys and guys who dress "gay". They look like lemmings and drones to me which tells me a lot about their intelligence level and self-esteem.
Forgot to add one thing: skinny guys are hot. I also think you are extremely cute no matter what you wear.
Please keep writing on these body/clothing issues. Your posts are great on this stuff.
Anon #1
Why hate on people dressing "gay or hipster? It is the same as hating people for seeing Slumdog Millionaire. People liked the movie, people liked the clothes.
Yes, I would like to look better in my suits. If I had the money I would get my dress shirts tailored (AND Dry Cleaned.) I choose to buy Brooks Brothers Dress shirts because they look nice and are non-iron. I wear tight t-shirts and tight jeans, not skinny, because I think I look good in them and my boyfriend thinks I do anyway.
I don't think that wearing shapeless cheap clothes looks good, but plenty of people do it. I try to buy things that fit and look sharp. If you buy clothes at a chain store aren't that original.
I think it is Ocean Pacific that owns those alternative/goth brands that the kids buy at Hot Topic. Rebelious sticking it to the man by buying stuff from the man.
I wear shorts throughout winter
Like everyone on any college campus. How novel.
Like everyone on any college campus. How novel.
--Mr. T
Except I'm a grown up in my late 30s living in Bethesda. Stop generalizing from personal experience. Not all TNG readers are just out of college or naive 20-somethings indulging our urban gay fantasies.
I think the point of this post is that, no matter how unique of a person you are, you'll always dress like someone else. There will always be some group of someone who's style you're replicating, whether you want to or even know you're doing it. So, in a sense, a late 30s suburban guy wearing shorts and fleece in the winter does indeed dress like a 19 y/o college kid. So what? Own it.
The way you dress doesn't define you. You define you. The trick is to do a good job of doing that, defining yourself, and then attempting to dress appropriate to that self image. If you end up looking like another group of people, so be it.
re: Michael
Well, all of that is true. Except I haven't been on a college campus in over 20 years and do not have any friends under 28.
An affected, calculated appearance is not the same as coincidental.
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