A Visit with My Senator (And why you should visit yours!)

David Stalling is a frequent contributor to The New Gay, and also blogs at outintothewilds.

People carry misconceived notions and stereotypes of Montana, as with a lot of rural areas. Aside from the tiresome "Brokeback Mountain" jokes I get when I mention I moved to DC from Montana, people also seem to think Montana is a terrible place to be gay. The state shows up on political maps as deep red, and holds true to the color on most presidential elections. But Montana’s governor and both senators are Democrats—albeit, western “conservative” democrats—that generally shy away from taking public stances on potentially unpopular issues such as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Not so with Senator Jon Tester.

An organic farmer and butcher from the small eastern Montana town of Big Sandy, Tester has an out gay son, whom he accepts, supports and loves as all good fathers should; he understands the misconceptions and prejudices that unfortunately exist and persist throughout the country. So when my friend Chad Pulfer and his mother, Paula Petri, made a recent trip from Montana to visit me in DC and attend the inaugural festivities, we set up a meeting with Senator Tester.

Following a warm greeting—and small talk about elk hunting, mutual friends, and Montana in general—I reminded Senator Tester of my own military experience, serving active duty in a Marine Force Recon unit long before “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” came about. In those days (early 1980s) homosexuality was rarely even discussed, and only in derogatory terms when it was. Any hint or rumor of being a “fag” could be dangerous, particularly in the Marine Corps. I explained to the Senator how difficult it was to live a life of deceit and the related emotional implications that still persist from pretending to be something I was not. Chad provided a stark contrast by telling of his more recent service as an active duty Army medic, and his time in Korea and stateside. Though he had to be careful, Chad had a boyfriend while in the service, and was out to a select group of friends who simply did not care. However, he also discussed internal struggles with forced dishonesty and hiding his true self. It was also good for Senator Tester to meet Paula—a “fellow” rural Montanan with a gay son she is tremendously supportive and proud of.

Although Senator Tester was already aware of and concerned about the negative and unjust consequences of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” our stories seemed to resonate with him, and he asked a lot of questions. He seemed particularly alarmed by the loss of mission-critical troops such as Arabic translators and medics. We discussed legislation already before the House, and potential legislation that may be introduced before the Senate. He made a commitment to help with efforts to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in any manner he could.

Having never visited the Nation’s Capital before, Chad and his mother had an exciting and eventful week taking in the sites, going to the “We are One” inaugural concert at the Lincoln Memorial, and attending the inaugural address and parade—despite the Montana-like frigid temperatures. Yet, one of the highlights for both of them was the opportunity to sit down with one of their elected officials, express their concerns, and participate so directly and personally in the democratic process.

There is tremendous value in such visits, even with Senators and members of Congress already supportive of our particular causes. It’s a chance for lawmakers to hear real, personal stories from their constituents, to learn more about what’s on our mind, and for constituents to bring important issues to the forefront. In addition—as Chad and Paula learned—it can be a fun and rewarding experience.

I recommend everyone who is concerned about gay rights or other causes to take the time to meet with your Congressional leaders. Even if you don’t have the opportunity to travel to Washington DC, you can set up meetings in your state when Senators and Representatives are back home on recess.