In The Ladies' Room: Alternate Versions of The L Word Spin-Off

In The Ladies' Room is a weekly column brought to you Amelie and her BFF Anne, where they share their thoughts on pop culture, lesbian culture, dc culture, and more often than not, television.

Two Sundays ago, the final season of The L Word premiered. We had planned to go to one of the premiere parties happening around town, but between friends coming in for Barack Obama's Big Day (Anne) and being old and "married" (me), we decided not to. So instead of writing about our interesting encounters with various DC lesbians and their reactions to the new episode, we're going to talk about potential spin-offs.

Showtime announced recently that there is an L Word spin-off in the works; it's going to follow almost-everyone's favorite character, Alice Pieszecki (Leisha Hailey), while she's in prison. Because that's what we really need--another show about lesbians in prison. Anyway, when Anne and I started forcing our straight roommate to watch The L Word during the summer while we were all unemployed, we had plenty of time to mull over what would happen if other people featured on The L Word were the focus of a spin-off. If only we had known Showtime was actually considering a spin-off, we could be very, very rich right now. Or at least rich enough to pay our rent.

Below the fold, the spin-offs that could have been.


1) Black People on The L Word--For a show that is supposedly all about breaking down stereotypes, The L Word sure tends to buy into them. While the The L Word does do a better job representing different ethnicities, the show still has some trouble portraying them without falling back on stereotypes. For example, if there was a spin-off centering around black people on The L Word, it would primarily consist of Tasha (Rose Rollins) saying things like "I'd have to beat a bitch down, she tried to do that shit to me," and Kit (Pam Grier) saying things like, "Damn girl!" Which, sadly, is about all poor Pam Grier gets to say on this show nowadays.

And let's not for get one of The L Word's best moments in race/class stereotypes--Season 4's basketball faceoff.

2) Straight People on The L Word--Straight people on The L Word are one of two things--boring and perplexed by lesbian sex, or, straight girls just waiting to go gay, generally for Shane (as will be discussed below). But mainly, straight people are boring! When you play celebrity with straight people, they don't know who Kathleen Hanna is! Or Lily Tomlin! Or probably Judith Butler either! LAME! While Straight People on The L Word would be the most boring show on Earth, at least it wouldn't be quite as offensive as Black People on The L Word.

3) Straight Girls on The L Word-- Straight girls on The L Word, unless they are married, are generally just waiting to go gay. Sometimes they are married--but still, they go gay. For Shane.

Lots of lesbians want to be like Shane. Sadly, it is nearly impossible, for two reasons. A) Most girls do not want to go gay for some rando lesbo in a weird outfit. I have confirmed this, both through personal experience and through asking straight girls. B) Most lesbos have sex with straight girls and then get sad about it because said straight girl does not want to be their girlfriend. Shane does not get sad. She just wears weird shirts.



4) Music on The L Word--This show would just consist of playing the theme song on loop. Simply put, it would make your ears cry. A lot.



So, what are your ideas for a L Word spin-off?