Non-Gay Christian Men Who Just So Happen to Blow Other Dudes

TNG is taking a much needed break from Dec 19-Jan 4. TNG will return with new content on Jan 5. Until then, please enjoy this post from the past year. Original publish date: 12/1/08

TNG reader and movie reviewer Adam Isn't Here submitted the following post about an exciting new way to internalize homophobia!

One of the many perfectly un-homosexual pictures on g0ys.org.

I like to think of myself as pretty hip. I do a lot of reading, print and internet, and I’m generally up on the trends even if I’m not involved in them myself. So how the hell did this whole “g0y” thing pass me by until now? The way I came about it is particularly embarrassing too: I was reading personal ads on Craigslist. Ugh. I read the missed connections all the time, but Saturday I guess I needed something a little more titillating. I saw an ad for a “jock” looking for a similar “g0y” to “hang out” with. Wait a minute…what the fuck is a g0y?

Turns out, g0y is nothing short of a “movement”. Not just a trend, but a whole movement I’m missing out on! There are myriad websites addressing g0y issues, but the main instigator seems to be the proprietor of one g0ys.org.

Full disclosure here: on a lot of the message boards I’ve been reading the g0ys have criticized commenters for not having read the whole website. I freely admit, right now, that I’m guilty of the same. In my defense though, how anyone could be expected to slog through the entirety of that endless mess of a manifesto is totally beyond me. That place is set up like a goddamned 9-11 conspiracy website. It just flashes and scrolls, and drones on and fucking on.

Anyhow, back to the point at hand. What’s a g0y? Is that a zero instead of an A? How the hell do you pronounce a word with a zero right in the middle of it? Good questions! First off, yes, that is a zero and, no, I can’t assume to know how to pronounce it, but I’m guessing it rhymes with boy. Or annoy. Explaining what a g0y is seems a little easier than all that though. It seems to come down to this: g0ys are guys (who surely would have no problem describing themselves as “dudes” or “bros”) who like men (and dudes and bros) and love dick, but hate “femmes” and hate hate hate anal sex. Like, they really fucking hate anal sex. For pages and pages they hate it. Also, a lot of them seem to be conservative Christians.

Well that’s totally fine, right? I mean, no one is forcing anyone’s dick up anyone else’s asshole here. And if you don’t like “feminine” men, well, then you’re kind of a prick, but whatever. Don’t fuck them, don’t hang out with them. Who cares? But does that really constitute a movement? Is this something new? I understand that being a conservative person can put you at odds with being cocksucker, but isn’t there a better way to reconcile these facets of yourself than forming a “movement” whose basic tenets say “you dirty faggots gross me out”? Isn’t this movement really about, I don’t know, being kind of a deluded asshole with gender identity issues?

I’ve got two main problems with the site. The first, and less serious, is the “hey bro” frat-boy tone of it all. You’ve all seen this language, or at least I’m all to familiar with it, as it seems to be appear only in personal ads and porn stories. It’s just “two buddies kicking back and lending a dude a hand” and so on. I know these cues are supposed to be read as “straight acting” but honestly, I’ve never in my life met a straight guy who talked that way. And if I ever did I would immediately suspect he was a fag.

The second, more sinister aspect, is the blatant misogyny. I wouldn’t expect women to be discussed very much on a site encouraging guys to rub their dicks together. But when ever they are mentioned, the attitude seems to vary somewhere between dismissive and outright hostile. A lot of the problem they have with anal sex seems to be that they see men acting like “bitches” as an assault on masculinity everywhere. The suggestion being that doing things that women do is bad and shameful because women are themselves bad and shameful. Fine in their place, and they certainly serve a purpose, but you know…lesser. That old story.

I’ll wrap it up there. I could go on, but I don’t want get all g0yishly longwinded. I suspect that there will be some g0ys in the comments sections who will set me straight on this anyhow. If g0y.org is any indication, the movement may not be welcoming to the “fairer” among us, but is very windbag friendly.