HRC Dinner and Sick of Being Single

TNG is taking a much needed break from Dec 19-Jan 4. TNG will return with new content on Jan 5. Until then, please enjoy this post from the past year.

On Saturday I volunteered at the HRC National Dinner. From what I understand, it’s HRC’s biggest fundraising event of the year. As a volunteer, I spent the morning and afternoon helping to set up several hundred tables for the people who had shelled out several hundred dollars to attend. During the evening I helped greet guests, assisted bidders during a large live auction, and stood guard to make sure people didn’t get into the major donor area (drinks were free in there). I was also able to see the event’s big speaker, Suze Orman (the financial guru and lesbian). Overall I had a great time, and would certainly volunteer again next year.

I have to admit though, leaving the dinner, I was a bit depressed. Walking around throughout the evening, I saw hundreds of happy gay and lesbian couples. Men were holding hands, women were kissing, and partners were snuggling up and laughing together at their tables. This is all wonderful of course, but it served as an in-your-face reminder that I’m currently partner-less.

Since moving to DC in May, I’ve gone out on several dates, and have met all kinds of great people. But I haven’t met “the one” yet. I know I should be patient – hell, I just started coming out to people in January – but patience really isn’t something I’m good at. Whether we’re talking my personal or professional life, I know what I want, and I can’t stand waiting for it. In some ways this is a good thing. In my professional life, my lack of patience drives my ambition, but in my personal life, I sometimes think that I want too much too fast, and as a result, spend far too much time thinking about what I don’t have, instead of just having fun.

I’ve never been in a relationship with a man, and for whatever reason, when I did come out, I thought that finding someone I wanted to date would be relatively easy. Perhaps it’s a product of being in the closet – not being out yet, I was left to glorify what being out would be like, and as such, maybe my expectations for what being out would be like were a bit too high.

Putting aside my own issues for a moment, I think gay culture may also be worthy of some of the blame. While I have encountered a handful of couples in my age range (I’m 24), the overall mindset among my peers seems to be that dating is something for down the road – now is the time just to fuck around. While fucking around can certainly be fun, for me at least, it’s not really what I’m after. I want someone to sleep in with on weekends, someone to make dinner with, someone to go to the movies with… someone I care about, and someone who cares about me.

Reading this blog and others, I know that this problem is not unique to me. But for all the complaining people do (myself included), the number of people actually dating remains relatively small. Although far from an objective standard, among my straight friends, dating is far more common.

So what’s the deal my gay friends, why aren’t more of us dating?

P.S. Suze Orman gave a great speech. She talked about the need for gays to become financially powerful so that we don’t need to rely on anyone. In other words, if you’re financially secure, you don’t need to put up with any kind of homophobic crap at work – you can quit whenever you want. She also talked about using her wealth and celebrity to speak up for gays, and to fight for our right to marry. She was very passionate, got everyone one their feet, and ended by bringing her lover out on stage. Go Suze!