Between Two Rooms

First time TNG contributor, Dustin Ashley Beam, shares with our readers some personal insights into his search for social equals. Dustin is a thirty-year-old native Arkansan currently seeking a Liberal Arts degree from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. He attended the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York City and loves performing musical theatre, writing original material, and is currently working on his fantasy novel, "Jarryd and Noki".

When I was younger, my family would gather at my Grandparents' home during Thanksgiving. At the conclusion of the meal and ultimate family drama, the ladies would sit in the kitchen and talk about life and clean the dishes. The men would sit in the living room and watch football and discuss sports strategies.

I was the lone one that did not fit in either room. During my formative years, this was a literal problem; not knowing in which room I belonged. Later, when I came out, I thought that I would discover the room in which I felt natural, accepted, and alive. Unfortunately, that was not how the situation unfurled.

I have seen the microcosm of gay culture (to discuss it as a collective makes me think of The Borg with a Glitter Tractor Beam or something of the like) and I simply do not fit in. Of course I know that there are others like me, even though I do not see a physical manifestation of that in my daily life. I am confident in who I am/am becoming and even if I were the lone person that adheres to my value system, that would be okay. I accept that some people are casual about sex, really love the clubbing idea, etc., but I am not casual even taking out the trash.

That is just who I am.

I am a person who rarely dates and there is something in me that wants to share my story as a man who just happens to desire a partner of the same gender.

THE NEW GAY: What an evocative term and one that I shall embrace henceforth, not better, not worse, just new. It makes me feel a little less odd and that maybe, just maybe, I am getting closer to that room where I belong.