W.W.S.D. - A Cure for the Wandering Eye

"What Would Summer Do?" is The New Gay's advice column. If you have a question for Miss Camp, send it to her at wwsd@thenewgay.net.

Hello desperate readers! This week marks my two-month anniversary with TNG. It also marks the one-year anniversary of TNG (Kudos TNG!). And it marks the 25th anniversary of the Internet. Once again, I'm the youngest and prettiest (Kudos Me!).

It's been oodles of fun doling out juicy nuggets of drunken wisdom to readers like "Wandering Eye in DC," who writes this week about his love life woes:

Dear Summer,

I'm a gay man with a partner. He and I have been together for over a year, and we're very happy. Our sex life is fun, but I'm starting to get bored having sex just with him. At the same time, I don't want to share him with anyone. Any ideas what I should do?

Wandering Eye in DC


Dear Wandering Eye,

It sounds like you're in a pickle that many couples face at some point. At least you made it to the one-year mark before the itch set in. Many gay male couples start to feel the itch half way through their first date.

But don't fret. Summer can help. I came up with three different options that you can choose from:

Option #1. Spicy Monogamy
You may be surprised to learn that I'm a fan of monogamy, though I don't judge anyone who sticks his finger in another light socket, as long as all the sockets are in on the arrangement. Monogamy might sound like the safe option, but it doesn't have to be the boring option. Just take a tip from Ginger, Sporty, Baby, Scary, and Posh, and "Spice Up Your Life!" Your sex life that is.

You need to nip your sexual ennui in the bud before it gets out of hand. Think of your strongest, unrealized sexual fantasy. Now think of one that doesn't include me, silly! One that involves only you and your partner. Are you having trouble? Can't think of any spicy sex acts, here are a few ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

Spanking, biting, and hair pulling
Sex toys
Light to heavy bondage (remember to have a safe word)
Shaving
Eproctophilia (aka fart fetish)

The next time you and your partner are alone with plenty of time to spare, ask your partner to try one of those or anything else you can think of.

Option #2: Cheat
Some people will encourage you to throw convention and caution to the wind and to cheat on your boyfriend! Why not? You only live once! Actually, I'm in agreement with those people, but only if you both are permitted to dibble dabble! Like the gay adage says, "What's good for the gander, is good for the other gander." (BTW, a gander is a male goose).

You said that you're not willing to share your bf with anyone else. In fairness, that rules out cheating for either of you, as well as threesomes. I guess I won't sit by the phone and wait for your call...boo-hoo!

But, if you decide to cheat, be sure you have a stockpile of antibiotics and alibis. Be warned, when you grow bored of the trysts and come down off the euphoric high of pursuing strangers, your partner may not be there for you. It's very important to weigh the consequences before you engage in foreign fellatio!

Option #3: Date a Unicorn
Though remarkably similar to option #2, there is a difference. It's a unicorn! Even your partner couldn't get mad at you for dating a magical and mythological beast. I mean how many people actually see a unicorn, let alone date one! According to Matthew Inman, a noted unicorn specialist, if you're lucky enough to date a unicorn you'll experience joy unlike anything you've ever imagined! Read the Ten Reasons It Would Rule to Date a Unicorn.

Plus, if you don't mind sharing your boyfriend with a unicorn, you could combine Option #1 with Option #3. The three of you could get up to some pretty hot fun, including a little Eproctophilia with glitter!

xoxo
Summer

P.S. Don't forget to become a fan of Summer Camp on facebook.