Self-Defense
To the right is a photo of the Gator 6069. This is my knife. It has a fine edge clip point stainless steel blade and a handle that employs advanced thermoplastics for superior grip. It opens quickly with a flip of the wrist and fits neatly in the back pocket of my jeans. It’s also illegal to carry it in the District of Columbia.
A great deal of concern and outrage has been expressed recently in response to the many local reports of criminal violence perpetuated against homosexuals. One of the recent victims, who was the subject of the post “Where is Our Anger?” is a friend of my roommate—a disturbing fact I didn’t know until a week after this story was posted on TNG. Anti-gay violence hits home for many TNG readers who have themselves experienced it or know of someone who has, and many have left comments pertaining to this violence that reference retribution and a desire to arm themselves in self-defense.
Last weekend I was on a moving metro train speaking with my friends about this violence and theorizing about the social forces behind its creation. I shared with them the fact that I carried a knife my first couple of years in DC but eventually ceased doing so out of a belief that the practice was unnecessary (and more a vestige of my rural upbringing than my current reality). I also expressed my gut level inclination to start doing so again in an effort to protect my life and the lives of those close to me. My housemate immediately rejected this idea, saying that he didn’t have it in him to respond to an attacker with equal or greater brutality. No sooner did he speak these words than two men walked up to us at our position by the door, one of which spoke with the boom of aggression about “the white devil” and how said devil should be destroyed for what he was doing to the black community, and “faggots” who “are more Greek than the Greeks.” The talker was a wall of a man, three times my size, visibly agitated, and touched by alcohol. I don’t think either of them pegged us as homosexual, but while moving past him through the door we saw the heat in his eyes and felt the prickle of hatred from his body, and it made all of us glad that we had arrived at our metro stop. As my friends and I ascended the Shaw/Howard escalator, I turned to them and said “do you really want to run into that guy at night after you’ve both had a few drinks?”
At this point it seems clear that the Metropolitan Police Department can’t and won’t keep us safe. It’s also clear that bringing to justice those who harm us isn’t something they excel at either. The Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit is more public relations than action, and the average police officer that actually handles these cases, while not likely to harm us, is often no less prejudiced that our attackers. Many in the DC gay community that centers in NW DC have (right or wrong) long felt that their safety was assured, but as gays become more bold in accepting their right to live openly and gay life continues to expand outward toward Columbia Heights, Logan Circle, and Shaw, that assurance is a fool’s contract. The reality is that we’re on our own.
A day after meeting black vengeance on the metro I cut myself with a butter knife while washing dishes. My first thought as the pain of lacerated skin climbed my forearm was of this man. Could I hurt him? This mother’s son, this collection of heartbeats and thoughts and ideas and complicated history, this man whose life may be depended on for the joy of others? Even if his intention was to harm me, to put me on a respirator like the gay man who was attacked on his way to BeBar last weekend, could I find it in myself to end him? Should I? What if his intentions are not to rob me or hurt me based on hatred, but to act on a usually checked prejudice undone by a fog of drunkenness, whatever matters weight him at the moment, or insecurity about his masculinity that never takes shape in his better moments when he manifests goodness and the potential to be a better man? The question still remains as one of whether it is ever acceptable to take another life, even as yours hangs in the balance.
I’ve read the many “buy a gun” comments seen on this blog, and I can only imagine how many people are contemplating their safety and reshaping their perspectives because of these beatings. I don’t have the answers. I don’t feel comfortable telling you that buying a gun is dumb because you can’t reasonably carry it around with you, you’re more likely to get caught with it than with other alternatives, you likely won’t be able to access it in time to defend yourself, you run a great risk of harming yourself accidentally or losing this weapon to your attacker, and because Hollywood tells you its easy to use one on another human being but not nearly so easy in the real world when you’re scared and possibly drunk.
I’m also not comfortable telling you that if you choose to defend yourself, a knife is your best option for concealment, quick-strike capability, and efficient disposal of a threat in close quarters. I’m not comfortable telling you that you need a weapon with a good gripping surface, and that you should pay particular attention to how well it fits your hand so that your fingers don’t slide onto the blade during a stab or thrust, or whether the knife has a finger groove for the index finger that will provide no-slip support for either your index finger during a thrusting motion, or your pinky during a stabbing motion, both of which respectively take the majority of the force of the stab during these motions. I don’t feel comfortable telling you that a good blade design will be one that is decently thick, with the tip being wide enough or strong enough to resist breaking if you were to, say, accidentally punch it into a hard surface such as a brick wall or asphalt, or that the tip of the blade should also be able to easily pierce any part of the human anatomy and be long enough to reach vital organs (3.5-4 inches), nor am I comfortable telling you that your knife should have a strong locking mechanism, because without one you run the risk of severe personal injury to yourself should the mechanism fail or collapse. Finally, It troubles me to tell you that a fight involving a knife is most always ugly, quick, and messy, and that you should be mentally resolved to strike efficiently and that you should learn beforehand how to use your weapon tactically if you are attacked.
There are no comfortable thoughts on this subject. I can only hope that none of us ever know harm, taken or given.
30 comments:
Wow! Very thought provoking post.
It is indeed a thought provoking post. I don't think responding w/ violence is the answer.
Your post brings up significant thoughts of fear, of the complexity, ambiguity and tension surrounding gentrification in the District (race, class, power, privilege), and of the urgent need for dialogues between communities and institutions.
Some other ideas/words/thoughts that come to mind: one's social location, how one navigates and negotiates space given one's privileges and identities.
How much fear do you have? How/when/why does that fear surface? Does whiteness, white privilege play as a factor?
I do not believe responding w/ violence is the answer. Developing a critical consciousness of the world around you as well as beginning to understand the complexities of power, privilege and systematic violence as a whole in our society might help frame a richer conversation.
These are some thoughts.
I think carrying Mace Pepper Gun is a lot safer for self defense.
Thanks Nick, for bringing up class and privilege, which are such important aspects of this issue but seldom get talked about in our "community."
I know that when I am in the home of someone whom I know owns a gun, or I am with someone I know is carrying a weapon, I feel much LESS safe.
Are y'all too young to remember Bernard Goetz? It might be time for a little history lesson:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernard_Goetz
I used to have a switch blade but I lost it a while back. The problem I always found with a knife is that you need to get in close to your attacker. This is problematic if he is a lot bigger than you or if there are numerous attackers. I've been doing some research and I think pepper spray is the best option. Do not get tear gas or mace as both are ineffective on intoxicated people. Pepper spray on the other hand causes immediate incapacitation and temporary blindness. You can use it from a distance and it's effective against multiple people. It also eliminates the moral dilemma of mortally wounding someone. With a good hit, there's also a chance you can incapacitate them long enough for police to arrive and arrest them. Think of the fun you could have in the interim. Kick him while he's down! Tell him you called 2 friends and you're gonna take him home and get Medieval on his ass! The possibilities are endless.
Having said that, I also think one of the best weapons is common sense. Don't walk around with an ipod at night. Don't be obviously drunk at 3am. Don't be afraid to cross the street if necessary.
Speaking of violence and the Bebar attack- the gentleman that was attacked outside of the club was taken off life support this morning.
There's got to be something we can do as a community. Where's our community self defense workshops? Where's our community members coming together to patrol outside the clubs and offering up safe walks/rides home, especially to those far too intoxicated? I know I'd be willing to give up some friday and Saturday nights knowing that my community members where safe.
Whatever assumed privilege accrues due to skin tone is erased by the discrimination (and overt hatred) against sexual minorities. Any talk of privilege in the context of this kind of violence only serves to distract from the main problem: people feel free to mutilate and kill us. We must have a serious discussion about how we are going to protect ourselves, and I am grateful to Ben for having begun this discussion.
pardon the metaphor, but I think that in these cases the issue of self defense is little more than a bandaid on a knife wound. The problem here is that a combination of prejudice, anger and police inaction is allowing us to be victims of brutal violence because of our sexual orientations. How likely is it that any gay person, intoxicated or sober, will be able to fight off a surprise attack by several assailants? it is more likely than not that any weapons brandished will end up used against the victim. While sit certainly couldnt hurt to take some self defense courses, I think that they could more likely than not lead to a false sense of security, not the solution to a serious and deadly problem in DC.
To amend my last comment: I don't mean to say that gay people are weaker than straight people. I mean that anyone, gay or straight, jumped by several assailants has little chance of walking away unscathed.
I bought pepper spray for the first time at Logan Hardware the week before last. It's a small tube with an elastic strap that position's itself squarely in your palm, finger resting comfortably on the switch as you walk. I like the idea of carrying something with me that will aid in my self defense when sh*t's going down, without permanently or irreparably harming another.
It might be worth organizing a self defense workshop- or even a recurring class- for the New Gay community. I know that I feel a hundred times safer walking down the street knowing what I know about self defense and martial arts.
I've taught self defense classes before; I'd volunteer to teach a class or three until it got going (and I exhausted my knowledge). Finding good techniques that work for you without depending on strength or size is key.
(And a cautionary note about knives- if you don't practice and know what you're doing, they're just as dangerous for the attacked as the attacker, according to most people who teach self defense).
Angela, I'm not young enough to be high. I have to ask: do you understand the context of this discussion? Gay men are being violently attacked in the streets of DC. In these circumstances, a gay man's color and gender are of no benefit to him. Any discussion of white privilege in the context of self-defense and bringing the perpetrators to justice is irrelevant at best. If TNG wants to have a discussion about white gay male privilege, I humbly suggest that they can open it up in a different post, preferably one in which the very real danger that gay men in this city face is not the main topic.
In comments on related posts, some debate is stirring about the relevance of similarities among the descriptions of our assailants. Some posters are quick to point them out, and others are just as quick to ignore them. But for those neophytes at demography, or those with basic common sense, there may be equal interest in defining not only who "they" are, but also who "we" are.
Many of these crimes appear to be hybrid crimes—part hate crime and part crime-for-profit—most likely whichever opportunity strikes first. My very strong inkling is that any one of these "youths" who poses a danger to the gay community poses an equal danger to the community at large. And while we have sufficiently rejected the efficacy of the DC Metropolitan Police and the masochism of white liberal guilt, we've failed to consider who we should regard as potential allies in this struggle.
Goetz’s story is nothing less than a wet dream for the city’s population increasingly threatened by opportunistic crime. The similarity among us is not that we are all gay, but that we are all affluent with potentially bright futures and, more importantly, with something very valuable to lose. Our passivity is not genetic or learned by way of our homosexuality. The same defenselessness paralyzes heterosexuals and homosexuals alike when outnumbered, ill-equipped and inexperienced in criminality. What “we” risk if we respond is so much more precious than what “they” risk when they initiate. We lack the desperation it takes to ignore the risk of being imprisoned or killed. In addition to having little regard for his victim, a perpetrator must have little regard for his own future to carry out these attacks.
My point is that these incidents may not be indicative of a war between “youths” and gays, but between “youths” and gainfully employed, law-abiding citizens. We have allies, and I think it would be wise for us to broaden the scope of the debate as we explore potential remedies.
If you do not know how to fight or how to responsibly handle a weapon but insist on living in an urban environment you are elevating your own risk.
By analogy, would you knowingly engage in unprotected sex continually?
Law enforcement is unreliable and hostilities escalate. We have the responsibility to defend ourselves or submit to natural selection.
For those of you buying pepper spray, I cannot stress enough that you should get a unit that is a long-distance "fogger," that requires little to no aim. There are several good ones that have a 20 foot distance, and can hit a whole group of assailants at once. If you get one with a high capsaicin content (>10%, preferably 15%), you're close to bear spray territory, but legally so.
As for whether or not I could take an assailant's life, I've thought it through before. When I consider my strong survival instinct coupled with a burning hatred of anyone who takes advantage of those weaker than them (blame it on my little man's syndrome), I can say honestly that I would, without hesitation or regret, murder an attacker if needed. I actually fear that if I have to use pepper spray to stop a single attacker that I might be unable to stop myself from taking advantage of his impaired state by beating the everloving shit out of him, and often think of the various ways I could use my environment to inflict maximum harm. I've also considered that, given my small stature (125 lbs soaking wet) and clean record, it is highly unlikely that I would be prosecuted for using brutal force in the face of danger.
I am fortunate to have lived in this area (and not necessarily always in the safest of places) for 8 years without a single incident. I am, however, very well prepared both psychologically and physically for the day when, not if, I will need to defend myself.
I think one of the problems of assertive self-defense, it's that for a lot of gay men that means we would turn into one of 'them'. The guys who beat us in school, the ones who use their fists to solve arguments. We are better than that, right? But by following that thought, we are throwing the baby with the bathwater.
One has to defend oneself, that is an axiom, right? A self-evident truth? That's why the passive protests that Gandhi and MLK posited made the impact they did, because it was obvious that those people were acting against their nature.
Now, running is a defense. We don't necessarily have to confront. I have a zero tolerance policy towards homophobic or racist statements, but if outnumbered one runs. I'm more of a pepper spray guy. I have considered buying a gun, but I'm worried about friendly fire issues, and stray shots. And a blade seems like something that is too aggressive just for self-defense, specially in a confusing crowd situation. However, if one is to use either a gun or a blade, train! proper training in the use of weapons teaches restraint, self-control, and the ability to evaluate a dangerous situation.
We have the right to defend ourselves, but we also need to balance that against the potential for unintended harm we could cause.
The decision to use force to defend ourselves doesn't turn us into the meatheads that beat us in high school. But the decision to use force injudiciously would.
How do we move away from a culture of violence?
This is really interesting. Coming from my area, I (very naively) don’t expect any violence when I go to DC. So I’m completely unprepared for an attack. I really respect those that do carry knives or pepper spray- granted, only if they know how to use it. But it is DC, and we do have the right (very loaded word) to survive. The willingness to defend oneself and others does take some psychological guts.
In terms of violence ever being justified, there is so much to consider. “Could I hurt him? This mother’s son, this collection of heartbeats and thoughts and ideas and complicated history, this man whose life may be depended on for the joy of others? This requires such an ability to empathize: to see the attacker as another person, full of the same experiences you have. This is good in the sense that you can better understand him, and possibly avoid violence back. But a bad thing if you end up stabbed. While I do feel that violence only leads to more violence, and eventually to an ethos of violence, I feel that self-defense is completely justified. If someone attacks you, he or she is slightly forfeiting the reality to interact without violence.
I feel that the trick to self-defense is to be able to defend yourself without dehumanizing the attacker. Like Ben said, this is important because we have been so conditioned to believe that defending ourselves with violence is such an easy/great thing. I hope that if I am ever in a situation like this, I will have the room to run away, quickly. But if I don’t, then I hope I have the confidence to fight back, tooth and nail.
thats funny, i almost copied what you said, daniel. not intended at all. maybe we are on the same wavelength
Whatever mode of defense you use, whether it's a gun, spray, tazer or knife, make sure you know how to use it and/or have practiced with it a few times. I know park rangers who have sprayed themselves in the face after trying to spray a bear with pepper spray. You don't want to make a mistake in such circumstances. Buy an extra tazer or can of spray, and practice out behind your house. If it's a knife, buy a pumpkin to jab at or something.
As for guns, I don't think they're practical - they're heavy, requiring frequent cleaning, and again you have to visit a shooting range as often as possible. Although there is a Pink Pistols group that meets to practice, so that's one option. I have to go through several security areas for my job, and a gun at work just wouldn't do - but I would have to carry one to and from work for the gun to be useful, as I walk from work to home through some sketchy areas.
I'm happy to have a couple of first rounds of defense - a loud voice and a sturdy pair of legs to take me away. I hope I'll be able to defend myself with my elbows and fists when the time comes. But more often than not the attacks come to us as a complete surprise, so they often get the first round of strikes. Keeping aware and avoiding a walk home at night (take a cab!) helps a lot to prevent all of the above.
I'm curious as to the statistical probability of any of you homovigilantes being gay-bashed.
I'm 47 years old and have lived most of my adult life in marginal neighborhoods, walked around at all hours, and stumbled out of a lot of gay bars at 4 in the morning and even been mugged a couple times, and I have never once been in a situation where I felt it would have been at all helpful to have a weapon.
City life comes with a certain amount of danger. Being sensible and aware of your surroundings will probably go further to protect you than packing heat.
All this talk about arming yourselves reminds me of our governor here in Texas trying to abolish the state law against carrying guns on Texas college campuses after a very small number of people were killed or wounded by lunatics in college campus shootings recently.
I suspect the fear is out of proportion to the risk.
Re: Steven...
Being sensible and aware of your surroundings will probably go further to protect you than packing heat.
Yeah, it's all our fault.
enough with the hyper-defensive anonymous commenters. i was just happy steven showed up to be all sensible and shit instead of the too-common off-the-handle flailing that dominates so many of these conversations.
Ben43 said...
If you do not know how to fight or how to responsibly handle a weapon but insist on living in an urban environment you are elevating your own risk.
By analogy, would you knowingly engage in unprotected sex continually?
Are you really equating walking down the street with having unprotected sex? Boy, I'm glad I don't live in the world YOU live in. Sounds like a nightmare.
Bulleted thoughts:
1. Violence does not end violence. Violence begets violence.
2. The talk of using weapons is troubling. What if you pull a knife, and your attacker pulls a gun? Then what? What if you pull pepper spray, and accidentally get yourself? What if you're walking home, drunk, with your knife out and trip and hurt yourself? Or one of your friends?
3. No, it's not our fault when we get attacked. But if you stumble drunk out of a bar, regardless of the time or the neighborhood, then you should expect to be fucked with. We live in a city, and one that has a pretty bad crime rate in general, especially in some of the neighborhoods that many of us live in.
4. You must ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, and you must ALWAYS trust your gut. And if you've incapacitated your gut feelings in any way, take a cab, even through the safe route.
5. And frankly... if you want to always be safe, go live in the suburbs. And even there, watch your back.
6. USE. COMMON. SENSE.
Allison: "then you should expect to be fucked with." If you replace "fucked with" with "raped", somehow I doubt you'd be making excuses for other people's evil.
Let's start with a basic premise: attacking anyone, no matter their condition or state of mind, is wrong.
The pragmatic workaround isn't to be armed, because most of the time the attacker has both the intention and has planned to make the first move. Taking that in stride, in any situation, you're already one down.
So you have to use your advantages. Take the safest route home, as others have said. Walk with purpose, maintaining a certain amount of extra awareness. Travel well lit streets with open spaces and no bushes or other obstacles hanging out into the line of sight. Avoid areas with both no people and too many; there's no collective wisdom of crowds there is only a bigger bunch of idiots/sheep.
Still there's a large amount of good fortune and luck at play and second-guessing yourself and victims is an awful, awful thing.
copp3rred,
I think an implicit premise behind Allison's entire comment was that "attacking anyone, no matter their condition or state of mind, is wrong."
Saying that a prudent person ought to expect (or have a healthy awareness of the possibility) certain things to happen to them in certain circumstances is not making excuses for other people's evil.
Allison,
I'd been trying to figure out how best to articulate my views on this post, but you did it for me.
Spot on.
"3. No, it's not our fault when we get attacked. But if you stumble drunk out of a bar, regardless of the time or the neighborhood, then you should expect to be fucked with. We live in a city, and one that has a pretty bad crime rate in general, especially in some of the neighborhoods that many of us live in."
Are you saying that all the people that have been attacked on the last few weeks were stumbling drunks? That's only one kind of victim, and to base your entire response to self-defense on one particular type of attacks defeat your general argument.
@copp3rred,
I'm sorry. I didn't make it clear in my first response. I am NOT making excuses for anyone here, and I'm not saying that violence is ever OK (see my first bullet point).
I was simply stating that we (general we) must always be aware of our surroundings, and understand that we live in a sometimes dangerous place. If you leave a bar, or a friend's place, or your own place, late at night, drunk or not, be aware and expect that you may have to act defensively.
Actually, it looks like we're on the same page about all that stuff.
@Daniel,
No, I was not saying that all of the victims were stumbling, drunk, or stumbling drunks. In that point, I was merely pointing out that especially if you incapacitate your senses, you become more of a target. In my opinion, if you walk anywhere in this city, or any city, you must be aware at all times.
@Aidan and Andrew,
Thanks!
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