Metro Ass: Myth or Fact?
Frequent contributor Jon (and his big mutt) recently moved to Shaw from upstate New York.
Riding the metro has become increasingly unpleasant. With dozens of other people competing to get onto the same car in the morning, I find myself strategizing on how best to position myself. As everyone who travels metro during rush-hour knows, it's every man for himself. First the doors pop open, followed by a brief awkward pause as exiting passengers make their way off the train. During the pause you can feel the tension rising, like drivers revving their engines, everyone waits for their moment to bolt.
Cramming my way into a car this morning, I watched as the doors snapped shut on a middle-aged woman who hadn't quite squeezed herself all the way into the car. The woman, standing perpendicular to the closing doors, screamed as the doors pushed between her breasts. It was horrible to watch, and luckily the people standing close to her managed to pull the doors apart far enough for her to squeeze on.
For all the hell that is metro riding, there is one perk… the eye candy.
Riding to and from work everyday, I find myself falling in love at least every ten minutes. There he is, messenger bag draped over his shoulder, dressed in his tight grey pants, button-up shirt, and pointy leather shoes. We make eye contact, and before I know it I'm picking out the names of our four handsome children.
Or there he is, the buff guy with the buzzed blond hair, wearing mesh shorts and a white t-shirt, gym bag in hand. His arm brushes up against me as the train jerks forward… give me a few minutes and I'm thinking about where we'd buy our summer home. A bit much? Sure, but it's better than the violent thoughts of rage that develop when I think about what I would do to the moron driver who inexplicably stops the train for five minutes in-between stops.
Enjoying my little mantasies, I often wonder if anyone has landed a date with a fellow metro passenger. I'm sure it's been done, probably more often than I imagine, but I have absolutely no idea how. From time to time I'll do a little eye flirting, but that's as far as I've ever gotten. What's the next move? Do people move to sit next to each other? Where's the line between confident first move and creepy stranger? These are questions I ponder everyday.
If anyone has any stories of success, embarrassing mistakes, or funny observations, I'd love to hear them. There must be someone getting some Metro ass.
20 comments:
I had been in the DC area about a month, commuting back and forth between Northwest Baltimore and Falls Church every day. On the Metro ride from Union Station to Gallery Place one day, I made eye contact with this really handsome guy sitting across from me. We maintained this eye contact all the way to Gallery Place. And, like Jon, I found myself wondering what his name was, what his story was, whether he wanted to be a June bride or a December one.
Then we arrived at Gallery Place. So, I put my musings away, gathered my bag and left the train saying my mental good-byes to my "dream man." I proceeded on my way, and walked down to catch the yellow line train as was my custom. As I stepped off the escalator, I felt a tap on my right shoulder. I looked over, and there he was--my "dream man" had followed me off the train and down the escalator.
Of course, I panicked. What did he want with me? Had I made my first and final mistake in this huge city of new dangers and uncertainties? I didn't know what to say or do. He was talking to me, but I wasn't really comprehending what he was saying. Then, he handed me a slip of paper with his name and phone number on it. "Call me," he said. "Let's go to lunch some day."
Well, I called him that afternoon. I had debated with myself all morning about whether I should or shouldn't. But, I'm glad I did. We've been seeing each other regularly for a year now. I don't know where it's going or what the future holds, but I'm glad I took the chance.
My one close encounter with "metro-sexuality" came when I first moved here and got some guys number on the train because we kept catching each other staring. As I recall, he was really cute but his breath was kind of bad... but I excused it because no ones that fresh after a work day. (Jared from Webster Groves- if you get this, tell me how you've been.) But I was dating someone else at the time and didn't yet know that gay men slept around alot so I never followed up on it.
But the short answer to your question is that Metrosex is possible. Just look for obvious cues and try to strike up conversations about innocuous topics if you're not sure. "Crowded today, huh" can just as easily lead to a date as "Your penis feels good brushing against my thigh in these close quarters" and won't get you punched in the face.
My ex managed to pick up someone else's boyfriend on a train platform. I always wondered why it took him so long to Metro each day. Question answered!
Last night coming home from the Mets vs. Nats game I had more husbands than a gay Warren Jeffs. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who whiles the time away on Metro in that way.
That being said, I've never heard any stories amongst my friends of meeting guys on Metro. Well, correction, I know of one such story, which is exactly that, a story, since it's simply the more palatable cover story they put out to casual friends and family of how they met (the real version being a gay.com hookup).
When I lived in upper NW, I'd hop the bus to the Takoma station and I'd run into this guy regularly, similar to the first one you describe but with snug jeans instead of gray pants. We'd make eye contact for months, but neither of us acted out on it; I couldn't speak for him, but my shyness and partnered status were my excuses (or crutches, take your pick).
A year-and-a-half later, I moved to Capitol Hill and never had to ride the Red line again. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I just had the nerve to say, "Hello."
Sitting at work, I am very entertained by these stories... thanks for responding! It gives me hope for my future Metro rides!
I'm entertained as well and also once met a guy at the metro center stop, it was one of those late nights and I happened to sit next to a guy I normally wouldn't date (str8 grl here) but once we started talking - he was amazingly smart and intellectual. Anywho, we did go out on a date but there weren't a sparks.
I have good memories of East Falls Church station, on the Orange line. Years ago, I noticed a really cute guy wearing a rainbow flag pin, so I said hello. We chatted and walked up and down the platform while waiting for the train. Got an amazing blowjob all the way at the back of the station where the security cameras have a blind spot. It's the only time I've ever been happy for the long delays on the weekends ;-)
...one more note. I've been eyeing someone right now. There is this guy that I exchange the random eye flirtation at the gym. Well, low and behold we both live near the same metro stop, Ballston, and work near the same stop. So now I've been seeing him on my ride home from work. I've contemplated saying hi but he also gives off that unfriendly-vibe at work.
I offer my heart with a smile at least twice a day on the metro. More times than not, the girls are straight and shoot an eye roll in my direction. I smirk and continue to read my book. Sometimes we will eye fuck and engage in small talk, usually concluding with how they are moving to Portland with their boyfriend.
"O, woe is me, T'have seen what I have seen, see what I see!"
Other times I develop innocent crushes and never follow through to preserve the metro grade level of purity.
Currently, I am the DC zombie rider. The one blankly staring into the murky metro tunnel wall, equipped with the grade school nod-off, accidentally leaving grease marks on the train window.
The last part is not entirely true, I place the day old 'express' beneath my head before falling asleep into unicorn land.
1- Great post!
2- I think any single guy or girl, gay or straight can relate to this everyday during our daily commutes..
I know I do.
3- "I find myself falling in love at least every ten minutes." awww made me fall in love w/ Jon instantly...
Ok, just would want to hug him for that, dunno why..
4- LOVED the "mantasies" term!
5- Can TNG make Jon a regular? :)
I used to take the Yellow line, because it was faster and less prone to issues at Rosslyn, but then one morning I thought try Blue. And I haven't looked back. It's always a curious blend of late morning commuters and people running late like me.
Which Metro Line do you guys consider has the hottest guys? Red?
Orange? Blue? Yellow? Green?
Orange and blue are the most attractive lines, hands down.
I second that Orange and blue very attractive.
In fact this morning there were quite a few attractive fellas and I of course thought of this post and how we play these mantasies or femtasies in our heads...
True, true, those were my pics, same order, Orange and Blue..
Once, I made eye contact with a guy that looked like Hayden Christensen on the red line as he was walking through the train door. We stared at each other as the train pulled away, me on the platform, he in the train. Later that night, I saw him on a crowded dancefloor at Blowoff. We locked eyes, smiled, walked over toward one another, and immediately began a hot makeout session.
Unfortunately, after we were done he opened his mouth and started talking, and the spell was broken. Perhaps metro crushes are better at a distance.
I remember the Millennium March in 2000. Gay people everywhere! I rode the subway to the Equality Rocks concert at RFK; the Metro trains were packed, and I had to endure the ride standing up. The train made frequent sudden stops, no doubt due to a crowded tunnel. At every stop, the guy standing in front of me collided into me. After bumping into each other a few times, we basically went with the flow and almost kind of started dry humping in the middle of the train. Of course he was going to the same concert. Exiting the subway, we chatted and found out our sections were nearby. After a few songs, I visited his section and never went back to my own seat. It was so romantic!
Then there was the time in San Francisco's subway. I had been playing googly eyes with a cute young bearded guy. My stop arrived for my hotel, and I was so happy to see he followed me out. We chatted and he told me that wasn't even his stop. So, I had some sweet company that night.
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