I Don't Feel Like Dancing... Unless I'm Drunk
Picture this: You've been most unceremoniously dumped by someone you didn't really care about in the first place, but still manage to land a stinging barb ("Good luck getting your life together") to cement the fact that you're no longer giving each other handjobs. In commemoration, you decide to have a wild night out at a lesbian bar (in this case, the now defunct Penn 12.) There aren't really any guys around and the owner of the place has just given you an bottle of Jameson to have your wicked way with.
And then you hear a song that you really like being broadcast over the dance floor. (In this case it was Eric Prydz' "Call On Me," which i'll forever admit to liking. Mostly for the video.) So you're surrounded only by lesbians, so you don't have to worry about repelling any potential mates. And you decide to get your boogie on. But standing on the dance floor, it's just not working. You move a right foot here or an elbow there but you might as well be deaf and made of stone.
That was the moment I realized it: I can't dance unless I'm drunk.
It's not that I dance like an idiot or I'm somehow off the beat. I mean I really can't coordinate my body with music unless I've had a couple stiff ones in me... and that means drinks, you pervert. It's just not possible for me to feel comfortable dancing in public unless I'm past the legal limit for a DUI.
Part of this has to do with my physical build. I'm 6'2 and barely 150 pounds, and I've never really grown out of the arms-and-legs-everywhere gangliness that defined so many people's adolescences. I still stub my toes on doorjambs and bruise my hips against handrails. My poor boyfriend can't make it a week without me accidentally kneeing him in the balls while rolling over in bed. A dance floor is one of the few arenas (now that I've stopped doing yoga) to present this awkardness to the world at large. Can you blame me for clamming up?
But when I've downed a couple I am much more able to forget my self-consciousness and just enjoy the music and the company of others, which is supposed to be the purpose of a dance night in the first place. This is even more horrifying to comprehend, because it's not like a couple gin and tonics turn me into Syd Charise. I'm still lurching and shuffling around like my feet are asleep, but I'm not caring who sees me. This is the same principle that leads me to think making out with my boyfriend for two hours by the speakers at the Black Cat is an acceptable standard of behavior.
It might be a leap, but I can't help but feel this could figure into the well-documented connection between gays and substance abuse. Since so much of our socialization happens in bars we can often end up drinking just to feel more comfortable talking to the people around us. Thats probably how every bar works, gay or straight, but other subsets of the population have a better chance at mingling in non-alcoholic situations.
Betty Ford fodder aside, its really frustrating that I can't express a physical love of music in a sober state. I've tried — in venues as varied as the 9:30 Club, a family wedding or even my childhood bedroom — but just can't enjoy myself on a dance floor in any other way.
Does anyone else have this problem? Do you have any tips for combatting it? I don't want to kill chunks of my liver every time I go to Taint, but sitting politely in a chair while all my friends cut a rug isn't so fun either.
22 comments:
Well, that's a hard one. I also feel more likely to jump on the dance floor after a couple drinks. The question is, do you have to be seriously drunk, or just a bit on the happy side? To use alcohol as a social lubricant is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as the point of thing is to socialize, and not just a excuse to drink alcohol.
And making out with your bf by the speakers at the Black Cat is always acceptable behavior. Encouraged, even. If you are gonna knee him on the balls on a regular basis, he might as well get good make out sessions to balance it out.
I think a lot of people can relate. That's why ecstacy and coke have always been popular vices for folks who want to go to music venues and have a good time.
I'm the same way. Can't dance in clubs unless I'm drunk. The ballet studio is, of course, a different story, but I don't usually want to risk kicking someone in the nose at a dance club. The trouble is that I recently realized just how badly I dance when drunk, and as a result I either avoid dance parties or only attend when I know some non-dancing friends will be there. Of course, the problem with that is that you can't talk to people with dance music blaring.
funny. my problem is the exact opposite. get me near a dance floor, drunk or sober, and i lose all shame. i immediately turn in to a video girl. i know it's ridiculous, but it's so much fun. what i loathe about parties is the whole small talk aspect. not with my friends, obv, but people i don't know that well. i manage to achieve paxil prescription levels of anxiety. it's quite something really. i mean you're afraid of looking like an idiot; i'm deathly afraid of sounding like an idiot (which of course tends to be the case after a pint of jameson).
maybe in both cases it's a case of taking things too seriously or being too self-conscious? i don't know buti'm not really sure if there's any way to get over it besides loosening the grip you have on your brain a bit and diving in...
Zach: short of some of the recent life-or-death issues discussed on this blog, this post makes me sadder than anything I've read on TNG.
My flip answer (or is it?): stop drinking. Then, if you ever want to dance, you'll have to do it while sober. You'll build up a tolerance for dancing-while-sober. Trust me: sober dancing is the only type I ever do, and it's very fun. You notice more of the appalled looks you're getting as you bust your latest move. (Or is this only me?)
More seriously: what's the root cause of why you can only enjoy dancing when drunk? Are you self-conscious about your dancing ability? Do you feel awkward around the groups of strangers who crowd most dance venues? Are there any other things you feel like you cannot do unless you're drunk?
I have experienced this for sure. Only less frequently with dancing and more with pool. I have no idea how my skill increases with this precision game after a few cocktails, but it always does.
no kidding! i only play pool while drunk too. dancing isn't a problem, i do that all over the place (walking down the street, in grocery isles, in the seat next to you on a plane) but i won't pick up the pool cue without a few gin and tonics. it's definitly related to potential embarrassment.
Practice. Like anything, if you want to feel comfortable doing something and actually enjoy it without alcohol, you've got to enjoy the act itself. Insert anal sex metaphor here. Close your door, pump up your speakers and do what feels good. Copy people, make it your own, etc. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Get some better music. Repeat again. The next time the DJ plays your song and you're still in line at the bar, you won't hesitate to hit the floor because you'll be doing something you enjoy, only this time the artifice will be the work you've put against the entropic tendencies of your awkwardness, as opposed to hefty tab at the bar.
I ought to have thought of this before--surely the simplest thing to do is take hip-hop dance lessons?
I think the type of dancing has a bit to do with it too.
Personally, if it's just grinding at Apex/Cobalt/Town with friends then I don't need much liquid courage to do that (though actually approaching someone requires a helluva lot, but that's a whole 'nother post).
If it's Black Cat, I'm happy to dance my ass off (on stage, even, if it's in the back room), but I get more comfortable as the night goes on, perhaps because I'm losing my inhibitions, perhaps because I'm just getting more comfortable, perhaps because I'm forced to keep up with the ridiculous dancing of some of the other Black Catters.
@Philip: I obviously can't speak for Zack, but I know that for me it's all about lack of confidence. And I'd imagine that's why most people drink socially, so that they feel more comfortable, be it talking with friends, talking to new people, dancing or whatever.
Oh Jesus, I am certain I was at Penn 12 that night.... ugh, it was rough.
I totally relate to the tall, skinny and awkward when dancing problem. When you are half a foot taller and have some sharp corners, it can be a little intimidating. I think for me it is usually when I want to dance and my friends aren't up to it that a drink is helpful. However, I think my lanky dancing skills when sober are definitely better than my piss drunk dancing skills any day of the week.
What's the problem? Get drunk and dance!
I agree with Private Dancer--dancing is about enjoying yourself. You shouldn't be worried about what you look like. Everyone else is doing some strange contortions.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with a little liquid courage here and there. But Phillip has a good point: just what makes you so self conscious?
Z, I'm exactly the same way. Being very quiet/shy until I know someone, I've always used liquor as a way to be more talkative and forward.
And I often look back on that night at Penn 12 as the drunkest I ever was in D.C.
i say just give it up.
i can't dance at all; sort of end up napoleon-dynamiting it up with the flailing and such.
but people do a lot of things to get over stage fright (which is what i'm going to say you have)--eating bananas, having a good luck charm, rituals... taking a shot or two (there are opera singers who swear by this). i think maybe the point is realizing that there's no real way to make a mistake. unfortunately easier said than done, i suppose.
I'm surprised that people ask Zach what makes him so self-conscious when the article touches on both his build and his sense of rhythm with a good dose of humor.
Frankly, I think that rhythm is a lost battle anyway. Caucasian folks from most parts of the USA are deeply challenged there.
No offense intended, but Daniel, as a caucasian dance teacher with plenty of caucasian students, I can confidently say your last sentence is blatantly false. Rhythm is often not the issue; rather I think it's just that people don't know what to do. There are no instructions, there's no prescribed way to move; you're just supposed to walk onto the dance floor and magically know what to do. That's why practising helps--it gives you a structure and some steps. If you don't have rhythm (or "musicality" as we call it in the field) it can, in most cases, be taught, so for the rhythmically challenged or those who want some movement ideas, I recommend lessons.
That said, if anyone feels too shy to try classes, I recommend we form a group so we can all feel stupid and scared and have fun together. ^_^
A somewhat easy, three step method without a lot of alcohol (although, it definitely helps with number 3)
-jump around at a concert, to learn how to let loose in a crowd
-initially, find someone to dance with. its always easier with someone else
-practice a false sense of confidence. the best dancers are always the ones who look like they know they can dance (even if they cant)
Hans N, I was making a facile joke. You are right in your analysis, though, it's a cultural thing. Speaking from the perspective of the outsider, I've noticed that traditional Caucasian dance forms are group dances, with exceptions here and there. There are few if any instructions for the individual because you are not supposed to break the pattern. The solo dance has a much stronger presence in other traditions.
Here's my secret to dancing at a club: assign each part of the music to a different part of your body. When the bass drum, for example, thumps, you bend and unbend your knees. Then assign your elbows to the rhythm guitar, then your hips to the strings, and your head to the bass guitar. Save your hands for appropriate hand-claps and other gestures. Before you know it, you're moving right along with the music.
You might look like a fool, but so will everyone else.
Oh Michael, if I had that much control over my body in the firstplace I wouldn't be writing this post. Nor would I so frequently catch myself drooling at work.
Sorry for the misunderstanding, Daniel--one hears that sort of thing put forward as fact so often that it's often difficult to tell when someone's being serious! ^_^
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