Not-That-Kind-of-Service Industry: A Quick Survey
In my opinion, you can't consider yourself a well-rounded American if you've never worked in the service industry, preferably in food service. Generally, I'm embarrassed to even go out to eat with people who have never served - slipping under tables in shame as my friends demand hotter than hot french fries, or wonder why they can't get refill number 30 a little more promptly. Having worked in the service industry for all but one of my teen years and the first two years of my twenties, I have learned a good deal about the over-the-top demands Americans are willing to make even when paying near zero dollars and then using a coupon that actually makes them a profit on their purchase; the gripes about nothing that customers are able to spew out in hopes of any sort of freebie; and the general inability of the under-paid workers who get shat on daily to do anything about the situations that people bitch about. One thing I have never been able to figure out, however, is the appropriateness of flirting with service workers.
My longest spanning - and most character-building - service job was as a Denny's server. Over the course of my four year stint, I worked all three shifts, drank enough coffee to still be plagued by insomnia, and got hit on by more pancake and ranch loving creepsters than I ever knew existed. Working the third shift, I got so many drunk men trying to order me for dessert that I actually began to wonder whether Denny's had messed up and put a picture of me on the menu where they meant to put the Oreo Blender Blaster. I was always kind in my rejections, "Oh, ha, unfortunately I'm not on the menu - but how about a Grasshopper Sundae with some mini-burgers sprinkled on top?" The men rarely really creeped me out; usually added a laugh to an otherwise stressful night of running about in slip-free sneakers; and never really bothered me unless they decided to replace a monetary tip with a phone number. Because of these experiences, however, I feel bad whenever I display even slightly flirtatious behavior with service industry workers - the last thing I want to do is cause my favorite workers discomfort because of my uncheckable crushing. Even though I'm never so unoriginal as to try to order my favorite service workers, I generally still feel bad even if I go so far as to make direct eye contact with them, worrying that while my voice is saying, "A large iced coffee to go, please," my eyes are actually saying, "Yr totes a cutie, I hope you're gay (the customer is always right, right?)."
So, here's my survey question:
How (in)appropriate is it to flirt with service industry workers?
Bonus: Does it change if you're gay and they're straight, and vice-versa?
8 comments:
In general, it's probably just as appropriate as flirting with anyone else. They're probably bored. And maybe they have a nickname for you among their friends like "Flirty Mocha Frap Girl."
If someone had taken to flirting with me when I waited tables at a Vietnamese restaurant in Williamsburg, Va., they probably have been rewarded with a free rice paper roll.
having spent the most of my adult career in the service industry, i have to say that customers flirting with you is the least of a servers worries... you have to remember that servers are basically prostitutes, being paid based on the quality of the service provided, so if flirting gets them paid, they will most likely go along... that is of course if you're not being crude about it
shit steph, i even took a guy's number and went out on a date with him because he gave me a 30% tip at the beginning of my stint as a waitress... he was devestated at the end of the full service (meaning he paid, not that the oil and lube was checked) date when i brought out the, "oh btw, i'm totally homosexual"
if that makes me a whore, then so be it... i kept myself entertained at least
Making eye contact, smiling, and being friendly is fine, imho. That sort of thing just sent positive messages to my "good tipper" radar.
However, as a male I probably have a very underdeveloped ability to distinguish between friendliness and flirting.
Any sort of aggressive flirtation is inappropriate. They are not free to send you negative feedback because they're depending on your good favor for their income.
That's what missed connections on Craigslist is for. Probably very few people ever "reconnect" there, but it sure makes good entertainment for the rest of us!
2 things:
1- Dan! You worked at Chez Trihn? Love it! Definately a staple while i was in college.
2- My parents, being pretty smart cookies, said that before you get a "real job", you should work in both food service and retail, so that you appreciate people in service industries and how hard they work. I did both, suffering through a 6-month stint at Chilis and a year-long sentence at a chochkie (sp?) place, and I feel like I definately respect people who work those jobs a lot more having done it myself. Oh, and you should never tip poorly, its almost always the kitchen's fault, not your server's.
Lighthearted flirting for its own sake isn't bad. Expecting anything to come of it is not cool.
I once had a guy pretty much demand a date because he tipped well. Never mind that at the time I had a boyfriend.
On the other hand, there are the sad guys who tip poorly, but then leave you their phone number. Am I supposed to call the guy for the rest of my tip?
I can't speak for all people in the industry, but I'm turned off when guys throw themselves at me while I'm working. It puts me in the uncomfortable position of shooting the guy down, and then the gratuity--which is, btw, my income and main reason for actually working behind a bar--is a crap shoot.
P.S. Poor tipping will never, ever, ever help you get laid. Indeed, usually it's the opposite.
Re: Craigslist "missed connections," this one one of the most underutilized resources in the gay community.
not always:
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/mis/808748725.html
light flirting is fine, but My experiences waiting tables at a gay establishment were awful. Never again. Sexual harassment/inappropriate touching from customers AND staff. I know now how women feel (being a piece of meat)
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