She’s My Vegan Pie

Dating a full-tilt vegan has its dietary hits and misses. If you’re traveling in a relatively unfamiliar locale, depending how much research you put in before departure, you’ll either be eating the best, most nutritional food available, or bottom-feeder scavenging the trail mix selection at the nearest bodega. On a recent trip to Scandanavia, my lover Cindy and I fluctuated between delicious vegan and / or raw smorgasbord meals, and all-night kebob-stand grease-pit felafal, straight-up candy stores, and beer, beer, beer.

When you’re starving and hoofing it in some rural Danish town, it’s easy to fantasize about how first thing when you get home, you’re starting a People for the Ethical Eat-ment of Animals chapter.

Back home, it’s much easier to establish a well-tread and well-fed vegan route: Mandalay for Burmese, Queen Makeda for Ethiopian, Java Green for Korean deli and the best brunch tofu scramble, Pumpernickel for hangover breakfast, Berwin Café for vegan gyros, Mark’s Kitchen for diner food with a Korean nod . . . not to mention all the other usual, vegan, D.C. haunts.

In recent years, Compassion over Killing scored a coup and much vegan gratitude by successfully lobbying many local boutique pizza parlors to add soy cheese options to their menus. Ella’s, Pizzeria Paradiso, Pumpernickel, and Busboys and Poets were a few to follow suit.

These are all great options, if a little pricey. The first rule of vegan dating is graciously accept whatever non-animal bone you get thrown, so I can suck up the expense, but, did I mention that I’m lazy? And pizza, staple of stoners and booze-hounds everywhere, should not be something you have to bust your nut to acquire. That’s why my provincial ass is stoked about Moroni Brother's, Petworth’s latest purveyors of pie with soy cheese optional.

From a totally non-vegan or vegetarian perspective, Moroni Bros. soy cheese pizza is amazing. (Close enough to the real thing for me not to care that all this soy is shrinking my penis and making me extra gay.) It’s biking or walking distance from my house, and even better, the business has a heartwarming back-story. With chain stores pushing out the mom and pops and business owners from marginalized communities, it feels good to throw down a little extra for a hot box from Moroni’s. Even a guileless beef-eater such as myself can appreciate that. Dude, I’m totally getting a buzz off all this second-hand righteousness.