Grimace Is The New Tinky Winky

First, they came for Tinky Winky. Now, they're after Ronald and the gang.

The right wing American Family Association, led by Donald Wildmon, has spearheaded latest salvo in the Culture Wars. The offense the Golden Arches committed (besides their hamburgers, the McRibwich, the Fishwich, Chicken McNuggets and beef-tallow-soaked French Fries)? Mickey D's joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce several months ago and placed an executive on the group's board of directors, in addition to donating to the NGLCC. This, of course, is the same AFA who called for a boycott on Ford for daring not to alienate a portion of its consumer base. I suspect that this boycott will go nowhere, if only because their message is so myopic. You'd think that Gay Rights is a cornerstone of Christian theology, and not the fight against poverty or any number of atrocities that currently exist on our planet. Their God was curiously silent during the Holocaust or the Middle Passage, and has nothing to say about Darfur or the Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda But gays having the audacity to exist is going to stir Him out of His cosmic lethargy, and the thunderbolts will start flying, as if He is some ersatz Zeus.


They have found their audience. The unedited messages of support for this doomed campaign speak for themselves:

"McDonald I am a regular customer in your store but I will not be eating in your store any more because of your open support of gay. I am a Christian and God says they are an Abolition[sic] and God will deal with them. Joyce"

"I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there."

"It is appalling to think that what was once considered a "safe family environment" is now openly and actively supporting such a lifestyle which contradicts all family values. I suppose next the playground will be open for pedifiles[sic] in order to not offend them. I think you chose the wrong group to support. More heterosexual families have children in case you haven't noticed. I predict a downward slope in your profits. I know I won't be back - I'll continue to spend my money...but it will not be McDonalds who will see a penny of it."

"The Golden Arches is now the Rainbow Arches. I just found a cure for the Big Mac attack."

"Not with our families money do you support the Gays. Do you hear us?????? Don't care you say, FAREWELL FOE[sic] EVER THEN."

The message board is a [sic]kening display of ignorance, theologically, intellectually and grammatically. In their demon-haunted world view, the specter of homosexual sin just lurks behind every corner. Even penguins are a part of the nefarious gay conspiracy!

Aside from ignoring this silly boycott, I propose the following. We should adopt the gumdrop shaped gelatinized shake guzzling doofus Grimace as the mascot for gay rights. A thousand t-shirts, emblazoned with his google-eyed visage, as we declare our support for McDonald's inclusiveness. This quivering, ambiguous grape colored blob can be an appropriated symbol, along with Tango the penguin and the purse-wielding Teletubbie. We're gaining ground, one hydrogenated fry at a time.