A Simple Tale
This past weekend I went to Las Vegas on a business trip. I took my boyfriend. And let me tell you: that city is NOT gay-friendly. It doesn't matter how much glitter and excess it boasts or how many theatrical performances occur on its stages. Bette Midler could female ejaculate on a paper mache dildo made of $1000 bills and it wouldn't make Vegas any more hospitable to homos. My boyfriend and I had guys cat-calling us at the pool while making out and dealt with whispers of "look, they're gay" while walking around in public. A cabdriver wouldn't even take us to the gay bars. He said they were too far away. Bullshit.
Even a couple days of this begins to affect you. Beside realizing how lucky you are as a Blue State resident, you begin to assume that everyone is judging you for being gay. Below the fold is a little anecdote about assuming the worst.
I had eaten too many oysters at a typically Vegas-ian Italian/Indian/Asian/seafood fusion restaurant. As a result, my boyfriend and I decided to walk the 2 miles to the gay bars to ease my gastrointestinal pain (the cabdriver incident happened the next day. That's how I knew they weren't too far.)
Roughly halfway between the strip and the bars, a large group of girls passed us. One was wearing a shirt that read "Dip me in honey and feed me to the lesbians." I was so excited to see other gays out on the street that yelled to her "I love your shirt!" She thanked me and her girlfriend shouted back to me, "It's my shirt. She's just borrowing it." It was a cute exchange and we parted smiling.
My boyfriend asked me what the shirt read and I repeated its slogan to him. At that moment, another girl walked by and heard me. She said to me, angrily, "Yes, we're lesbians" and stormed on down the street. I assume that she, too, was so used to be called out on her sexuality that the merest mention of the word "lesbian" in her earshot was taken as a homophobic pot shot. All I could do was shout to her "No, we're fags! What bars are you coming from?" It didn't get a response.
So now I'm thinking back to the people at the pool who whistled at us for kissing. Two of them were guys. There's a 90 percent chance that they were fratboy douchebags whose idea of tolerance is asking politely "So, which one of you is the catcher?"
However, that still leaves the possibility that they were two queer boys, also feeling alienated, expressing their solidarity in the only way they knew how. I wonder what would've happened if I had walked over to say hi instead of shaking my head and turning away. I could've made some new friends. I could've gotten punched in the jaw. I guess I'll never know.
16 comments:
Zack, thanks for sharing this story. I do not think we share such stories enough in our communities. Maybe we would just like to forget it. Sadly, I get this here in DC. I struggle how to respond to people's homophobic comments or even react at all. One, I do not like conflict. Two, I am really sensitive. Three, my physical safety is more important than making a political statement (I kinda feel this one is just a cop out for me sometimes....). There are times I want to hold hands with my boyfriend, but choose not to do so, cuz I do not want to deal with the homophobia that we may experience. Even though DC is considered a gay-friendly city, I feel seeing same-sex couples holding hands and showing other forms of affection are not common. They are rare enough that I get excited and surprised when I see it. All of this goes to show me that there is still very much a need for safe spaces to be L, G, B, T, and/or Q.
This happened to me once in a small town in South Dakota. I was walking down the street with my girlfriend, and was so paranoid, obviously, that when some guy yelled something from across the street I just flipped him off like I would've back home. Unfortunately, he was just asking for a cigarette and he confronted me about being a dick, and I felt terrible. On the other hand, he didn't know where I was coming from, being on the defensive out of habit, either. Oh well.
this is the exact opposite of my experience in las vegas. regardless, these kinds of things have happened to us all of the time, though, i'm sure. but - and i know this will cause trouble - who cares? people hurt people's feelings and say stupid shit, especially when they're drinking and gambling and going to strip clubs all day. you can't let it control your life or (unless your safety is at risk) prevent you from doing what you want to do. i don't.
QUOTE: Bette Midler could female ejaculate on a paper mache dildo made of $1000 bills
You mean she doesn't? Which Bette Midler show did you see?
"Unfortunately, he was just asking for a cigarette ... he didn't know where I was coming from, being on the defensive out of habit."
I know exactly how that is! I once shouted back at a 10 year old when she loudly proclaimed EWWW! when she saw me with rather full bag from walking my dog. It's just a defensive response to make sure they don't get the last word. I didn't need to respond nor did I care what she said, but I'm so used to thinking up something quick that I shouted back before I could stop myself.
It's a reflex that I blame on knowing you're gay when you're young but you're not out so you wear weird shit and have short hair. People yell, yell back.
And Vegas is such a family place that it bothers me. I felt too dressed up because I wasn't wearing an old t-shirt, they should scrap the family thing and bring back the glam.
Wait, a minute.
You got some catcalls at the pool, some people noticed that you're queer, and a cab driver acted like a douchebag, and that's a harrowing experience in Vegas?
Give me a break. A few things:
1.) If you weren't catcalled for being gay, you had a good chance of being catcalled for any number of other reasons, since there is a particular demographic that delights in tormenting others for a variety of psychological and sociological maladies that I will not delve into here. Oh, and making out by the pool? You should have gotten at least a few dirty looks, because that's unseemly behavior for anyone, orientation aside.
2.) Yes, Virginia, there are people who aren't used to seeing homos in person. Just because media exposure is way up and areas like DC make it seem like we're mainstream, doesn't mean we're there yet. Plenty of folks have seen rhinos on PBS, and while these folks probably wouldn't be shocked to see one of them in the African savannah, they would still be surprised and would probably point it out to others if one walked down their block. Most of the folks you encounter in Vegas are not from Vegas, and it remains a big-time red state vacation spot. If anything, you should be happy that people took note: it's a hair more difficult to own a rhino leg stool if you've been close enough to pet one before.
3.) As for the cab driver? Well, were you asking him to take you off the main strip to an area two miles away? I gotta tell you, cabbies in Vegas know where to get their bread and butter, and by and large trips off the strip during peak hours aren't looked on with much favor, regardless of your destination. Or, he could have been the next Hitler. Either way, there's no way to know without further information. Sometimes people are just assholes, and it's not always because you're an oppressed minority.
These kinds of stories and the inevitably cloying support group responses piss me off. Somebody called you a bad name? Boo hoo. Got news for you, tater: there are homophobic people out there. There are also racists, classists, fundamentalists, misogynists, misandrists, and a whole host of other nasty "ists" out there. They're not going away any time soon, and you're not the only one impacted by them.
Oh, and by the way, you're not powerless: you can say something, ignore it, pick a fight, or make an impact by good example. I honestly don't give a shit, as long as you don't act like somebody blockaded the high school and hit you with a fire hose every time a Kansas housewife on holiday makes a catty remark about you and your boyfriend.
take your own advice and calm down a bit sam. i don't really get what the fuss is about either but it's not like he called the aclu or tearfully recounted his nightmare on daytime teevee or anything. he wrote a blog entry for fucks sake.
though i agree. you shouldn't be making out in the pool. no one should. i firmly believe pda should be kept to touching only. and even that only sparingly. any fluid exchange is sort of gauche.
Opinionated does not equal hysteric.
And yes, it's bad manners to make out in or near the public bacteria bath.
They made out near the pool not in the pool. Streching the point like that is closer to hyusterics then opinionated, to me.
Well, you're certainly entitled to your assessment.
In this case, however, your assessment is wrong.
Clearly, I'm NOT intitled to my assessment. What's your point to going down this route? Is there a reason for this? What jolly are you getting out of being like this to people?
I went to Vegas last February with a friend. We delighted in provoking cat-calls and stares from the homophobes by kissing and holding hands in restaurants, theaters, casinos, and shopping malls. It was fun.
Vegas, or at least the Strip, is an impolite place. Men cat-call at women and gays. Drunks vomit in the fountains. Women wear short skirts that expose their undies. Men hand out fliers offering prostitutes for cheap.
In the Vegas context, to criticize a public kiss on the basis of etiquette simply does not make sense.
Just to rile up people like you.
Now who's hysteric?
Sam, you're an evil genius.
i'm a wee bit late in da game, but i just wanted to point out that the quick response by ben to the shitstarter sam was to call him a cunt. while i realize that in an earlier post jenny refers to being a dick, i still contend that there is a great deal more venom involved in using cunt as a way to call out someone, and i'm not okay with such uninventive ways to let someone know you don't like what they say.
"tater" !?
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