Put Your Money Where Your Eyes Are!
This is the last of my New York posts. I promise.
I was walking down 5th Avenue a couple weekends ago when something unusual happened. I passed a cute guy, and looked at him. That's not unusual. He looked at me too, which isn't necessarily unusual either. But wait for it: After we passed each other, we both turned and looked back. Eye contact was made. But when I acknowledged with a nod and a shrug that we had caught each other looking, he didn't get scared and drop my gaze. He nodded back at me.
That has never happened in DC before. Ever. I look at guys all the time. Guys look at me. Thats what homos do. And we all know of the rigorous code of of conduct that surrounds such ocular collisions. You move your eyes without moving your head, and if the other guy catches you you both pretend it didn't happen. It's like gay fight club: The first rule of gay eye contact is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT GAY EYE CONTACT!
I, luckily, have no tolerance for dumb social interactions. I frequently buck the trend by responding the guy who has caught me looking. My signature move is the head-nod. It's not as nebulous as a shrug, or as unctuous as a wink or a lip-lick, and won't get me arrested like the time I took my junk out and pointed it at a cute guy on the metro bus. (But that's for another post.) So it's a simple formula: Guy catches me looking and I nod at him. If that goes over well, I might even smile.
But who am I kidding? It never goes over well. Most guys react like I have thrown something at them. They quickly look away. They spin in the other direction. They curl into fetal balls on the pavement, protecting their vitals from my prodding gaze. So why do D.C. men's eyes write checks that their balls won't cash?
It's not like I'm going to tackle these men on the street and rip their clothes off. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, eye contact is the simplest, and most innocent, form of flirtation. Especially in public places. So do yourselves a favor and don't shy away from it. One of two things can happen: You acknowledge the eye contact and nothing happens, but you walk away happy. You've brightened someone's day. Option two? You actually get a date out of the ordeal. What can you lose?
12 comments:
No offense, but this is bullshit. You are supposed to acknowledge each other (unless you realize "OMG...he's not as cute as I thought."). That's how cruising works.
Step one: You both look. Maybe a smile.
Step two: You pass each other and turn your head. If he turns too, you are in.
Step three: You walk five more steps and turn again. If he does, you both awkwardly laugh and approach each other. If all else fails, he'll find you out on "Missed Connections."
Except, I was walking down the street last night and this hot boy in the back of his friend's car yelled out "Hello beautiful!" I walked five steps and turned around. "Goodbye beautiful!" I turned around to awkwardly laugh and approach him, but his friend quickly drove him away.
Anyway, just my observations.
John... What is bullshit? Who are you concerned about offending? Zack's post and your comment both say the same thing.
i hate the word "homos." it makes it sound like gay people are some bizarre offshoot of the human race.
Homos aren't an offshoot. All humans are Homo sapiens sapiens. And we're Homo Homo sapiens sapiens.
yo i had a similar ny experience last weekend, and it was the most heartwarming antedote to the previous night's straight-capades in williamsburg.
what's up d.c.? if it is this bad for the dudes, the ladies are like a pre-derby big brown. for christ's sake ladies take your eyes off the prize of monogamy and consider your surroundings.
i love this post. i am an unabashed cruiser but feel like i rarely get caught because not many dc folk expect the ladiez to be gawking at the ladiez. i long for the day i not get caught/acknowledged gawking almost as much as i long for the day i get lesbian cat-called.
Zack is not bullshit. He is such an upfront guy. I just think his perception is a bit off. I just think guys are probably nodding back and stuff but somehow he is missing it.
dunno, john. when i look at someone and they "catch" me i immediately look away. guilty as charged, zack. it's habitual. i have no control over that reaction.
someone needs to teach a gay cruising eye contact desensitizing course so i can get my game back.
saw zack at resluts and did not realize how tall he was.
signed,
slightly starstruck.
I love this post. I have had so many moments when I catch myself in "that moment". I'm happy in a monogamous relationship, but still get a little flitter in my tummy when I have that eye contact with a lady walking towards me. It's even better when I realize the eye contact lasts longer than just a split second. Sometimes it's just fun to look, and have someone look back.
I've been noticing lately that I'm catching more than a few people glancing in my direction. But my default presumption is that my zipper must be open or that my hair is doing that spaz thing again.
what do you mean you pointed your junk at some dude on a bus?---
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