Thank You Sir, but, Uhhh – No, Thank You…
Yet another post by Stephanie. She needs to find some new friends in Columbia Heights so someone will walk her home at night.
"…No, seriously – no, thank you….Uhhh, sir, please leave me alone… "
WTF?! Okay, I hate to write right after the TNG party because it makes me look like some blogging nerd-o, but my departure from Solly’s was too much of an exemplar of an average walk home for me to not acknowledge. I don’t get – why the fuck do I still get harassed by straight men even when I “look my gayest”? As proof, standing at the bar, I overheard another lezzie describe me to her man-friend as “…well, she definitely is…” Okay, so, yeah, gays do have some sort of intuitive gay-chip, so we can judge a little more accurately, but that doesn’t mean straight people are oblivious to the sexual world around them. My question: Am I the only non-femme out there still being cat-called on a regular basis by men who clearly don’t know their ass from their elbow?
At first, I politely told the man outside of Solly’s whom, because of his pushy attitude, I initially assumed was a cabby, that I was headed home. Next, he insisted upon driving me there, so I said I was taking the metro…to, uh, meet someone. Then, as I walked up 14th – clearly not on the metro – I look to my left, only to see the man calling to me out the passenger-side window of his car. AHHHH! I hopped into Busboys and Poets because at this point I was a little freaked out; eventually, however, I got bored of browsing books that I had no intention of buying and decided to jog the rest of the way home with my phone in my hand.
I guess this post has no purpose other than to see if other dykes are plagued with same problem. I honestly don’t get it. Sure, I wear mascara, but I also wear my pants half-way down my ass, men’s cardigans, high-top sneakers, and fanny packs as purses. Nothing about me shouts, “Men, I am sexy – come and call to me!”; so, why do some men still keep trying so ardently? Is it cultural? Am I only a raging dyke by white American standards? Or is it moronic? Is it that the men cat-calling me are single for a reason?
Gay men, do you ever face the same problem with straight women, or are they usually pretty quick to tune into reality even if they think you’re a hunk and a half?
15 comments:
I look enough like a dude (I have short hair, am tall, and mostly wear guys' clothes) that I almost never get cat called by men anymore (although the other day, near my place in Columbia Heights, a guy did roll down his car window to yell "fag!" at me, to which I replied "thanks!). I do, however, have a few gay lady friends who are by no means high femme and who get hollered at by guys (of all ages and races) with some frequency. I guess some guys just don't get it.
I think there's something special about Columbia Heights. I was leered at three times today while I was still on my own street, and the downside to warm weather is that I can't walk anywhere in this city without one comment or another. Some of the things men have said to me are pretty disgusting.
I posted this on my own blog about an extreme example last fall, and I wish that these guys would stop. It doesn't make me feel good one bit.
I just remembered HollabackNYC and subsequently found a few related resources, courtesy of Google: The Street Harrassment Project and Don't Be Silent. There's also an interesting Salon article on the topic (it's kind of old but still relevant), which anecdotally cites DC as one of the worst cities in the US when it comes to street harrassment. (I also love that the song "No Scrubs" is mentioned in said article. Oh, 1999...)
There was a Washington City Paper article on this topic about a year ago.
The video is great.
From the above-linked video: "My name is Toya, and I think that street harrassment in Columbia Heights is off the hook!"
Allison, that's great.
Is there an appropriate response to cat calls? Like the man who leaned into my neck and said "You smell so fucking good." My response was a look of horror, but I'm thinking that he hasn't stopped harassing girls needlessly.
A few weeks ago near Logan Circle, a man asked me: "What do you taste like?" I said "Chipotle."
Thanks, Ms. C. I chose to delete my previous comment and be more specific about the area in which the harassment occurred.
Maybe you really do just smell really good?
i have an addendum:
the cat-calling in the post happened thursday night. then, friday night while i was waiting for a cab to a DYKE BAR a man started staring at me and then asked how i'm doing, i politely said good and returned the inquiry to which he responded, "i'm doing great, just standin' here lookin' at your pretty blue eyes - can i get your number?" luckily a cab pulled up. THEN, on saturday i was walking home from the falafel shop and some guys STOPPED THEIR CAR in the middle of a dark crosswalk to holler at me; this time i was drunkly stupid enough to tell them to go fuck themselves. appropriate response? i think so.
i think i may stop thinking about responses and just start going out at night with a paper bag over my head that is big enough to cover my boobs, too.
sweety, it is spring...i fear that street harrassers hear all sorts of negative comments meant to stop them...i'm all for whatever you need to do to feel safe...
perhaps a novel approach might be fun since you're going to have to deal with it anyway...they may even start paying attention if you respond in a way so different that it makes an impression on them...maybe even something playful, like...
'honey...when hell freezes over...or when we get a better president. in fact, why don't you go register and then vote for obama in november and then maybe i holla at yo'
and michael, i just watched that video - amazing. "i wouldn't even give you a fake phone number." that girl's got SASS.
haha, chipotle!
the crazier the response, the better. like curtsie, then punch them in the face.
A good number of people are largely unaware of homosexuality and thus wrongly presume you will be interested in them. Men, who are much more frequently guilty of such incivility, are used to getting away with this behavior since straight women tend to have surprisingly low standards for men.
I don't mean to pin the blame on women whatsoever, but I think straight men would be put in their place if straight women condemned such behavior as brutish, inconsiderate, and declassé, instead of impressively bold and virile.
i will, and also tell my friends to, stop handing out medals of valor while on 14th street.
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