Does Defending Ourselves Hurt Us?

This post was submitted by "Tim," who has an opinion about the Jay Leno controversy. We've included the video at the end of post, so you can decide for yourself if you agree with him.

Jay Leno made a bad gay joke on his show while interviewing Ryan Phillippe, and has since apologized. The joke so upset Jeff Whitty, the writer of Avenue Q, that he responded to Leno’s gaff by sending an email to him outlining how Leno sees gay people (Leather wearing, disco dancing, Judy Garland lovers) as opposed to how Jeff Whitty sees gay people (people that commit suicide, get gay bashed verbally and physically, etc, etc).

The joke happened in the context of interviewing Ryan Phillippe about his past roles, one of which was a gay teenager. Leno asked him to look into the camera and make his "gayest face," to which Ryan declined, looking upset that Leno would go that route.

Whitty responded by creating a website to show off his gayest face, which features a picture of him flipping off Leno and encouraging others to flip him off, which people did.

Whitty and his flippers are upset at Leno for portraying stereotypes of gay people, yet they respond with a stereotype--throwing a hissy fit. In addition, they lower themselves by posting pictures of themselves flipping off Leno. Couldn’t Jeff take the higher ground in his reaction?

It was a joke, and best off all, Ryan refused to go along, and called Jay on it. To me, that is more effective in stopping bad behavior than posting a rant and a fuck you. Our reaction to bad humor shouldn't be to give it more attention. To the contrary, Whitty-like reactions should be considered embarrassing.

We go too far sometimes when defending ourselves. Why so outraged over a bad joke when it’s humor that has brought the idea of homosexual "normalization" to so many people? Will and Grace wasn’t popular because of serious gay issues, but because of humor, which was often sterotypical. Ellen reached a landmark episode when she came out, but it was also one of her funniest shows. Now, she beats Oprah in the ratings for daytime talk shows.

We use humor and jokes to get people to accept us, yet we turn on anyone that uses the same sterotypes? I’m sorry, Mr. Whitty, but Avenue Q has its share of homo stereotypes in it, doesn’t it? Nicky and Rod are a cliché. Rod, a closet gay man in love with his straight room mate, doesn’t like to be interrupted while reading about musicals of the 1930s. Also, don't you reference fisting as a sex act for gay people? All stereotypes.

So it’s only ok to use stereotypes if you are gay? Not in my book. You don’t have to be gay to understand how some gay people are in fact, stereotypes. I’m sure Leno knows gay people and has friends that are gay. Some of them probably act stereotypically. They may have even sat around on his couch drinking beer and making gay faces at each other. Who knows.

We don’t need to get worked up over something that comes across wrong, or is poorly thought out, if there isn’t spite or malice intended. Ironically, all this reaction has done is reinforce those stereotypes Whitty thinks Jay Leno is guilty of reinforcing.