What Would You Have Done?

In "Am I My Brother's Keeper," Ben reprinted an ethical query that made me remember a quandary I faced a couple years ago. Mine was no matter of life or death, but I found it to be a sticky situation nonetheless. Here goes:

You'll hear me talk a lot about this, but I occupied a weird role in college as "go-to gay guy" for a lot of my straight friends. They found me to be fairly "straight acting" (a term I hate) and didn't think twice about passing judgement to me on more effeminate men. One night out, two friends of mine — we'll call them Ron and Don — were telling me about their fraternity's upcoming pledge week. Another friend of mine — we'll call him Johnny — was very interested in becoming a brother. Johnny was nice, outgoing and liked by most members of the frat. He loved to drink and smoke pot and was, in most ways, like your average frat boy...with the exception of the fact that he was Gay, with a capital, underlined, hot pink "G".

Ron and Don didn't think he would be a good fit for the brotherhood. Not due to any of their own homophobia, they were quick to warn me, but because they didn't think Johnny would fit in with the rest of the jock assholes. I agreed with them at the time, and backed up their decision because I didn't want to expose Johnny to 3+ years of being the token fag. Was that the right thing to do?

Johnny was a freshman when I was a senior, and we were friends — in various capacities — from the first week of school. Something I liked about him was that he took absolute pride in his flamboyance. He walked around with pink sweatpants tucked into his Uggs, let his curly hair blow around in the wind (he's since buzzed it) and had no problems going to '80s themed frat parties in hot pants and a wide-necked hoodless sweatshirt hanging off his shoulders. It didn't seem put on, the way many people feel obligated to dress when they come out, but just an expression of his natural style.

People accepted him on the surface, but the things they said behind his back were textbook studies in intolerance. Don would spend an hour drinking with him at the lodge, and then think nothing of mocking his "sweetie, do you want a cigarette" to me the next day. The funny thing is this frat had another openly gay pledge. He was fairly flamboyant too (with a taste for pink polos and gold chains) but was also a national swim champion, a position that won him a certain amount of straight-guy clout. So this swimmer allowed them to tell me "we have nothing against gay guys" while openly admitting that that Jonny was too gay to be in their frat.

But I'm really diverging from my main point here. I fully supported Ron and Don's decision not to return Johnny's bid because I didn't think it would be good for anyone if he pledged. However, I still feel like I did the wrong thing in this situation. The true gay rights champion would've given his straight friends the world's severest tongue-lashing, calling them homophobic assholes and saying that someone's sexuality and effeminacy should have nothing to do with their ability to get along with other men. I should've helped Johnny crack the Greek system's pink ceiling, earning all his mouth-breathing brothers respect, Lucas style, until he became their friend and equal.

But we all know that wouldn't have happened. They just would've made of fun of Johnny behind his back or openly mocked him under the guise of brotherly teasing. So I figured he would've been better off as an independant, and that if my friends were clueless enough to openly bring up the issue to me, there was no way a lengthy lecture was going to change their minds.

So, honestly, what would you have done?