Meals to Seal the Deal

This post was submitted by TNG reader and culinary artist Leah, who reminds readers never to trust a skinny chef...except for her.

If dating still exists, I feel for those who must navigate that terrain. Back in the glory days of my singledom, I employed a pretty effective strategy on first dates: judge the object of your potential affection in the most superficial fashion, and if they are able to pass the post, put out.

An easy starting point for this is the food. Where you go and what is ordered is pretty reflective of what to expect in the short- or long-term with this partner. Having been to culinary school and several years in the eatin’ business, I give you my highly subjective and abbreviated thoughts on the matter.

I like to go somewhere off the beaten path. A hole in the wall that doesn’t have a sign but has really good burritos: you’re getting laid in a big way. A restaurant with a day of the week in its name: a door slam in the face. Ethiopian? This usually means that they are ok with getting a little messy: HOT. The “it” restaurant of the moment is a mixed bag: clearly they are trying to impress you, yet it is lacking in any originality or thought…. I would look to see what they order. Steak? Pretty mainstream. Something that you can’t pronounce and have never heard of? Maybe.

But then, there is the mother of all first date destinations: Oyamel. Oyamel is a Mexican (for real, not Tex-Mex) restaurant in Penn Quarter. The drinks are strong enough that you’ll be tempted to put your skirt over your head after just two and offer a bit more than just the standard margarita or Jose Cuervo shots. They offer small plates which allow for sharing. Anyone not willing to share is a big no-no. He or she will be a selfish lover. Trust me.

If this all sounds good, then get ready for the real test: grasshoppers. Yes, insects. They serve a grasshopper taco that is quite delicious if you are willing. And if they are willing, they are adventurous and probably serious freaks in the bed. Isn’t it nice to know that before you head back to your place?