Bad Prescription

Me and Zack both had HIV tests at the Whitman Walker Clinic in the last few months, and both of us walked away with similar experiences when the issue of condoms was raised. Both of us are in committed relationships and no longer use condoms, a fact not well recieved by Zack's doctor and my testing volunteer. To hear Zack explain it, his doctor talked to him as though he drank a fifth of cheap gin and decided to play russian roulette with a fully loaded pistol. My testing volunteer gave me a dissmissive look and said, "well, if that's what you want to do." This was after we explained that we were in committed relationships.


When it comes to gay relationships, my eyes are open. Me and my bf are both young, attractive, and have options. I know the difficulties and the realities, particularly with having a younger boyfriend who hasn't fully sown his oats, and in my own reality as a man who has, and has developed a taste for them. It's hard to walk the line when traffic is speeding by you on both sides, and when I read New York Times articles that claim monogamy is a fantasy, I feel overwhelmed and doubt the strength of my own character to maintain my commitment, and unsure in regards to the ever present spectre of the "open relationship," which among the apparent majority seems to be the minimum threshold for our relationships. Minimum, that is, if you can overcome the Olympic level height at which the bar is set when making a leap of trust that your partner isn't engaging in risky behavior behind your back.

However, to succeed in my relationship (in whatever arrangement it may take...and the modern gay couple has several to choose from) it would be helpful if my own community wouldn't be so goddamn pessimistic. Relationships are difficult enough without healthcare providers (and friends) automatically projecting their cynicism on to those who don't share it, or who against all odds give it their all in spite of it.

I know it's easy to give in to cynicism, and let's get real--issues of self-doubt and mutual trust are something all couples deal with. However, if you've ever met my boyfriend you would understand why I'm going to try and transcend our cultural cynicism the same way I fought through other gay cultural bad habits like internal homphobia, mysogyny and self-medication, and why Whitman Walker might want to talk to their staff about developing boundaries and thinking "outside the ghetto."

Love is real. Trust is possible. The rewards run deep. Believe in each other.