The New Gay?
We've received a few heated comments to Ben's post about bisexuality in men. I'd like to address one comment in particular in a separate post.
Mocha Blast started off, "I'm wondering... is this site not welcoming for chicks at all? (It's obviously not for bisexuals.) Cuz I'm a Bi Black Girl and I'm getting the feeling that this site is not for me..."
This comment really got to me. And here's my reply...
We have never suggested that we are smarter than everyone else or know everything. The one thing that we are really confident about is that mainstream gay culture is really lacking in diversity and options. In getting fed up with complaining about it, we decided to do something about it. So, we started this site. And yes, it was started by three gay white men, but we have never intended that gay white men were our only audience. We figured, from the start, that there were others who were different from us yet also had problems tyring to fit into the mainstream gay/lesbian culture, who were starving for options, and who had ideas to share.
Since launching, we have included a female (and bisexual!) contributor and have gotten a lot of good feedback from a lot of different members of the community. We've also been covering a lot of things of interest to queer women. We are averaging about 100 readers (not hits, but readers) per day, and that's a fine start.
How could three white gay men create a website that black bi women can identify with? To be honest, we can't. And we never suggested we can. That's why, from Day 1, we have asked for feedback, comments and contributors. If you aren't finding what you are looking for from DC's queer same-old-same-old, this site is for you. But more than that, it is BY you. Or at least it should be.
Mocha, I'd love to publish a post by you about your experiences in DC as a black bi girl. I'd love to hear your thoughts on female bisexuality. I'd love to know what you think about your options for meeting girlfriends, boyfriends, potential sexual partners, friends, etc., in this town. I'd love to find out what music moves you, and what aspects of mainstream culture really piss you off. And I can imagine that, if you were to take us up on our offer and contribute to the site, you'd find comments and feedback from people who are experiencing similar frustrations and joys, and maybe a few people who think you are full of shit. And I think we'd all be better of for it.
Again, if you feel you don't fit into the GLBTQI "mainstream" yet you aren't finding The New Gay something that helps fill that void, then contribute! Make your voice heard!
In the immortal words of a very wise, straight, south-asian man, "Be the change you want to see in this world." Write something up, email it to me at michael@thenewgay.net and it'll get posted, front and center.
And the same goes for you bi guys, trannie boys, baby dikes, art fags, and anyone else. Let's not be shy here, people.
Sincerely
Michael
10 comments:
Nick, you are obviously very articulate. You can call us a joke and delete us from your bookmarks, but what does that do for you? If you think that Ben is wrong, you would be better served to submit a post to us that details exactly why you think Ben is wrong. Its a good place to advocate and I guarantee you more people would read it than read these comments.
Could someone please tell me what was sexist about Ben's original post? And queerphobic? What is this Nick guy talking about. Someone, other than Nick, please fill me in. Especially if you agree with him.
I can only imagine how many members of dc's lgbtqi- whatever community feel as a mid- twenties gay white man myself. I love my friends but I feel my life is lacking some sort of diversity. This website is definately a step in the right direction and I would totally contribute but it seems like, as usual my demographic profile is the same as the main contributers. So much like my attempts to find non-straight non-white gay males, with the exception of a couple lesbians, this website is desperately trying to expand its diversity but doing so in dc is easier said then done. Hopefully thenewgay and I will both have better luck in 2008 at accomplishing this goal.
So now Zack has posted a comment attacking a reader's comment that attacked Michael's post about a reader's comment that attacked Ben's post.
You are not sending a very warm message to potential contributors here.
Steph, how on earth are you perceiving these comments from Zack and myself as attacks? You are obviously reading the wrong tone of voice into our comments. And for the record, this isn't an attack.
Okay, so attack is a little too strong of a word, but I wanted to point out how you guys feel the need to respond to any dissenting opinion. I enjoy dialogue and all but if you want to publish diverse voices, you need to let those voices stand on their own from time to time.
konfuzed-
the statement "women are a mystery" (stated by ben in his post) does not imply simply that ben does not understand women personally, but that, in a general sense, women=mystery. Whether he consciously meant it that way or not, that is the impression presented by his post. He has effectively presented women as the "other". The posters on this site seem concerned with challenging potentially destructive stereotypes, so it's inappropriate to simultaneously enforce others, even unintentionally.
In response to Ben's comment:
As a woman who has been identified as bisexual, I do feel compelled to reiterate that labels for sexuality are extremely limiting. Even if 100% of men who identify themselves as bisexual "turn out" to be gay, why should they be forced to define themselves immediately, or in a time of uncertainty? People who feel somewhere in the middle should not have to jump to the same conclusions as others. If you don't understand male bi-sexuality, maybe it's not meant for you to understand.
In the 1970's homosexuality was finally taken out of medical texts as being a disease. Doctors, scientists, even gay people pushed the belief that their feelings could be cured. To the same effect, pigeon holing bisexuality, or feelings countless people are discovering in themselves, further compresses new enlightening ways of thinking of sexuality and personal connection.
god this is tiresome. "why should they be forced to define themselves?" i'd honestly rather they didn't if that definition is bisexual. it drives me fuckin bonkers that everyone flies off the handle whenever someone else questions, or even comments on, their "identity". is your sense of "identity" really so delicate? the writers here are just as guilty of it as the commenters. what a bunch of insecure pussies you all seem. a couple of post scripts while i'm at it. that "women as "the other"" thing never should have made it past sociology 200 and michael, you do come of as some sort of panicky moderator, constantly repackaging what other people said. "what i think he meant was..." just calm down, it's only the internets.
Dear Nick,
Sorry you found an opinion you disagree with. You could have chosen to respond with your own viewpoint and been a part of a community that values discourse and ideas instead of going on a diatribe, but I guess that's easier.
Dear Petrov,
I agree, we could use more diversity on this site. We're trying. I think a lesbian was a good start, but we we can provide the space and ask around, but its up to the readers to get involved.
Dear Konfuzed,
Isn't it obvious? I'm sexist because I don't profess to know everything about women or their sexuality. I'm queerphobic because I don't swallow all the PC nonsense that Nick learned from his gender studies class.
Steph,
Of course we respond to most comments. You are our readers, and we want to engage you. In most cultures it's called "discussion", not "attack".
I think a problem with most blogs is that everyone thinks they're being attacked. We're actually 4 laid back people. We have opinions, but we realize that you do to. We won't bite unless you bite us, and even then, we just kind of clamp down and shake our head a little. No blood.
Hannah,
I really don't know! Jeez. Everyone talks about the "know it all" blogger tone, but people actually expect us to be perfect? You're gonna be disappointed, particularly from me. Points for claiming yourself as "the other". That's right out of Joseph Campbell. Even more mystery! It's only a matter of time before our female blogger slaps the shit out of me.
Al,
You're absolutely right. labels are limiting, and I'm personally saddened by so many people who struggle with the closet or hide behind labels. I also understand that it takes a lot of strength to live your life openly and with conviction. Hopefully one day all this sexuality business won't be such a big deal.
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