Key to Selling Gay Underwear: Epileptic Prison Bitches

Where do I start. Sigh. My first impression is that this is typical postmodern bullshit advertising that gay people should reject, because we're more creative than this. It's like the marketing executive said "Just play some monotonous kind of foreboding sound, shake the camera a little bit, do some sad role-play, and set it in a "harsh" environment with innocuous, personality-resistant hotties and we'll sell a ton of underwear to them queers!" It's all surface with no substance, no context, no real feeling. Kind of like someone licking your dick a few times and calling it a blowjob. I understand the need for advertising in this world and I'm appreciative of smart, engaging ads and I sometimes let myself fall prey to them, but these ads (one below the fold as well) are not them. We are BETER BETTER THAN THIS. Don't give them your money.

Ok, I get the sexual frisson between the prison guard and the prison bitches, but only for about 3 seconds. Couldn't they make the guard look like Mr. Leather 1986, or at least somewhat like a person whom you would fantasize about as a prison guard? For christsakes, Sgt. pussyboy looks like his mom just dropped him off for soccer practice. You set this in a prison but provide no prison tension? Excuse me, prisons are violent, and sex and violence share a very special bond...this is why prisons inspire sexual fantasies. Where's the part where they all get ritualistically shaved by whatever drug cartel is running the prison that week? How about their twinkie-asses running to avoid getting shanked? Maybe getting donkey-fucked in the shower by the Puerto Rican boxing team after which they gingerly put on their new drawers for the camera (with a few new strategically torn holes, thanks to their ripped ex-defensive tackle bunkmate Darryl who's doing 30 to life after local authorities found several dead girls duct-tapped and gagged in the trunk of his rusted 1978 model Trans AM?) Yes, please. (Ok, I went overboard with that one...but you get the point)

With some of the imaginative gay porn I've seen, these people are going to need to get much more creative before I buy their ugly underwear. That's right, UGLY UNDERWEAR. All their fancy technology makes your junk look funny. There is nothing particularly classic in the design, and in 10 years people are going to be laughing at us for wearing this shit.